Via 100 Miles From Where

*Look at the list of books below.
*Bold the ones you’ve read.
*Italicize the ones you want to read.
*leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in.
*If you are reading this, tag you're it.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

50 read - Exactly half. There were others, like Ulysses, that I started but never finished, so I didn't count them. And there's still a handful on my TBR pile. (Pile, my ass... it's more like a TBR heap at this point.)

My Best Shot Monday

Again, through Picture This, here's "My Best Shot Monday:"



She picked 3, but I've got two for you today. Above is my best 'technical' shot this week: me figuring out how to use the macro/micro button on my digital camera. And below is my favorite little guy, showing his evil Jedi side...



He told me the other day that I could call him "Lord:" I was a bit confused, thinking he meant God type of Lord. "No... AuntieNTE, like 'Lord Vader,' you can just call me Lord, though." Ok then, Lord it is.

Having nothing to say

isn't really a good excuse for not blogging.

Because, honestly, I do have things to say: TONS of things to say. But somewhere between my brain and my fingers, those things get ... lost. Or twisted. Or too complex to explain. There's so much going on in my life, and I find myself just wanting to burrow into a deep hole and avoid it all. Which must not be allowed (for any real length of time), so here I am.

Since I still don't want to tackle anything too ... heavy... how about a sort-of funny & totally screwed up story? The kind of thing that could only happen to me?

A few weeks ago, about a week after my last doctor's appointment, I had a call from Zach (my doctor) that went something like this:

Zach: "NTE, I have some of your test results here, and, well, they don't make any sense."

Me: "Zach, when do my test results ever make sense?"

Zach: "Well, that's true. But about these results: your ammonia level is 78."

Me: "I have no idea what that means."

Zach: "Normal, or the highest level of normal, is about 43. So, you're near double that."

Me: "Hmm... Yeah, I still don't know what that means, except that it doesn't sound good."

Zach: "Well, I don't really know what it means either. But it's significant."

Me: "Significant how?"

Zach: "Yeah, I'm not sure. But it has to mean something."

Then he explained that he had a call in to a specialist, asking what they thought it could mean, and what we should do about it. He promised to call me back in the next few days. Skip to a few days later:

Zach: "So, I've got your test results here, and there are some abnormalities that I think we should discuss..."

Me: "Zach, you already called and told me this, remember? We're waiting for the specialist to call back?"

Zach: "Oh. No. Well, yes, that's true. But this is different. Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been bitten by a squirrel?"

Me: " "

Zach: "No, seriously: ever been bitten by a dog or a squirrel, or a woodland creature?"

Me (goggling. Partly because I don't think I've ever heard anyone actually say the words "woodland creature," and partly because, well...) "WHAT?"

Zach: "Bitten. By a creature of some sort. A dog maybe?"

Me: "Um... NO."

Zach: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Um. Yeah... Pretty damn sure. I think I would remember that sort of thing. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that's how I would go around introducing myself 'Hi, I'm NTE. Let me tell you about the time I was bitten by a small woodland creature!' I'm going to stick with no on this one."

Zach: (sounding disappointed!)"Oh. Really? Well, then I can't really explain this, but you have this bacterial infection in your blood. It's called Brucellosis, and most people get it by being bitten by animals."

Me: " "

Me: "So, what does that mean? Does it explain my symptoms? Is it a co-infection (cuz I have other ones)? Can it be treated? Cured? Um... What does this mean????"

Zach: "Well, I'm not really sure. But it's significant."

Me: (Screw significant.... WTF does it mean?): "Right... significant how?"

Zach: "Well, it could explain some of your symptoms. It could be something that isn't even really an issue. It could be a major player because of your weakened immune system... We'll have to run some more tests to be sure, exactly. And I've called a specialist..."

No more useful information was forthcoming, just a lot of "significant" findings that nobody knows what the hell they mean in relation to me. I have since repeated both blood tests, and confirmed that I have these two "significant" issues. And, yes, I'm more than a bit worried about the fact that my liver isn't working correctly and I somehow contracted yet another infection, but for today? Let us, just for today, focus on this: my doctor was SAD that I hadn't been bitten by a squirrel.

He was hoping I had been!

Also?

He must think I am the stupidest person ever, to have been going to him for almost 4 years now, to have some sort of mystery illness, and to never have mentioned it to him. "Yes, I know we're not sure where these symptoms come from, or what is totally screwing my body up, but I'll just keep the fact of my woodland creature adventures to myself... Because they couldn't possibly be connected." What kind of dolt would I have to be?

That said, my mother now says that my grandmother's poodle once nipped me when I was a baby (young enough to be crawling after the dog enough to piss it off). I wonder if a tiny nip 26 years ago could account for it? I'll have to ask when I see him this week (apparently, there are different types of Brucellosis, so we have to have mine DNA tested - who knew?)

So, how about you, internet friends? Ever been attacked by woodland creatures? I promise not to be disappointed if you say no. ;)

If you've spent some time in the blogosphere lately, I'm assuming that you've heard about the Edwards blogger brouha-ha. If you haven't click over here:

But here's the thing: if you haven't spent time in the blogosphere, I doubt that you've heard anything about it.

I'll grant you that I am nowhere near a news junkie - We've talked before about how my... oversensitivity to other people's problems means that I tend to boycott the news as much as possible. - But, I usually do hear something about the major things that are going on. (I'm not counting Anna Nicole, which, by all that is holy is a personal tragedy and NOT a global crisis!) When you're television is on for as many hours of the day as mine is, you can't help but hear bits and pieces of what's on the news. There's teasers during commercials, comedians & talk shows, what's showing on the news while I'm waiting for the weather to come on. For starters. So, I do tend to hear things, and not a single mention of this situation.


Given the - in my opinion, righteous - outrage of bloggers, the tone & frequency of posts, the seriousness of this issue, I'd have thought it would be mentioned... somewhere. And that's just sketchy.

Just a little timewaster

Still a bit knocked out ---> Colossus, unfortunately, had nothing to do with it. ;)

Hope to be back tomorrow, with something, anthing to say.

Here's my Photo Favorite

from this past week. Best Photo Monday, with Picture This.

Here's SisterJ & her new fiancee, pre-proposal:




The fact that they started out the day holding hands and ended it doing the same is a good sign, I think.

Living in fear

I am totally skipping over the fact that my family is insane, and can not spend any time together without it ending with somebody screaming "FUCK" in someone else's face. We'll talk about that later. Along with the fact that I have my second sinus infection in less than two weeks (which, come to think of it is probably just one big sinus infection that took a nap for 5 days or so and then woke up again). Those are not today's topic, although they're both weighing heavily on my mind (one, literally, since my head feels like it weighs 200 pounds right now).

No, those discussions must wait, because I'm facing a very real threat: one of my sisters got engaged yesterday.

If you have sisters; or have ever been in a bridal party; or ever knew anyone who got married or was in a bridal party, you can understand just how terrifying this is.

I have four sisters & a soon-to-be sister-in-law. I've been in two weddings, and am just about the only single girl left from my group of college friends. I know the kind of drama queens that exist in my family. I know just how volatile it can be to mix those drama queens with dress fittings, shower planning, and the overblown importance of wedding minutiae.

In my own personal terror alert system, we're definitely on red.

Don't be mistaken: I am exceedingly happy for SisterJ (age 24). She's found a wonderful man, who compliments her in every way. His sweetness & calm demeanor are a good influence on my over-the-top, outspoken little sister. And they have such a genuine connection, a loveliness that sort of shimmers around them. That they've both realized just how special their relationship is, and to really want to commit to each other is fantastic.

But the idea of their marriage is one thing: the reality of getting to their wedding will, most likely, be something completely different.

It is this thought that makes me quiver in fear.

It's the idea of dealing with the infighting about sandals with straps or sandals without, or whether or not you have to have your toenails painted a particular color. It's the fact that napkin colors and up-doos will suddenly take on the importance of eliminating the threat of AIDS in our lifetime. It's the flurry of e-mails back and forth - and forth and back - when you can't get more than two people to agree on any specific date for any specific thing. It's the looming specter of fitting rooms and strapless bras, bridal magazines and flower arrangements, petty arguments and mothers-in-law.

"Always the bridesmaid:" almost as scary a notion as "Bush accepts unprecedented 3rd term!"

I was watching a rerun of Without a Trace, recently, and there was this subplot about a man whose child had been abducted years ago & had never been found. He started talking about how everyone else in his life - his wife, his counselor, his friends & family - just kept telling him to "move on," and how hard it was to have this piece of yourself missing, to have to hope. Hoping is difficult, it's so much harder sometimes than just giving up. The man said that this battle, this war inside himself to either keep hoping or let it go, felt like he was drowning, but slowly. Because he knew that things were wrong in his life, without his son, but he just didn't know how to pick up the pieces and trudge forward with them. Didn't know if he should, or even if he could.

And somewhere in the middle of his speech, I realized: "That's me." I've been hoping, remembering my past, as if it could ever be my future. I'm surrounded by people who just keep saying I've got to "get on with my life," and yet no one can tell me how to do it. ~


“One day, I had a father, and the next day, I had a story to tell.” I stole this quote from a book: I wish I could remember which one it was. But it was another line that went straight to my heart. It's me, again.

Over the years, I've met quite a few people (some are even close to me) who've said something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it," or "I don't think I could do what you do." And, while I know it's meant to be a compliment, it always confuses me, because I wonder what they think they would do, in these circumstances.

There were no choices for me: as so often happens in life, things changed in that one minute, that split-second that I went from healthy teenager to a person with a chronic illness. One day, I had my health, a normal-average life all set up for myself, and the next, I had a story to tell. The story I tell here: my story.

All I've been doing, ever since the beginning of this unexpected story, is searching for the pieces, trudging, trying not to drown along the way.


And who isn't?

I'm a little Lost....

Tonight's episode of Lost didn't hit any high notes for me, but these comments, from the Open Thread over at MamaPop, did:


Amanda:
"because honestly? ben, as my husband exclaimed during his brief wake-up from anesthesia, is “probably the creepiest fucker on television today.”

Amanda :
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
and i was all, “nope, PAULA ABDUL.” and he was all, “touche.”
--------------------------------------


lily
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
I saw an interview with the Ben guy on E! and he was just as creepy as his for-reals self.


KJ
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
He’s definitely Creepy McGee


Amy
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that the actor who plays Ben probably doesn’t have a huge career in Romantic Comedies ahead of him.

134 lily
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
hugh grant, he is not.

---------------------------------------

Because, HOLY CRAP, how freaky was it when he opened his eyes? ICK.

Cuz I needed some time-a-wastin, crazy ego boosts....

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I do not like that they don't tell you which ones you miss. (I'm pretty sure it was the math.... math is not my friend.)

Dude! You're 100% from Massachusetts!

Dude! Me and Sully and Fitzie and Sean are gonna hit Landsdowne tonight after the game, hang out at the Beerworks. I'll pick you up at the Coop at 6.

How Massachusetts are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Yah, that's a shocka.

Your Final Score Was 77%

Good Job! You definitely know your TV theme songs. It might be possible that you are watching too much television.

Guess the Theme Song
Take More Quizzes

Hmm... I could've done better. Next time, no Daily Show while quizzing.

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Another Shocker. Particularly the non-reader = 0 part.

Good News!

My presh-us is back! The CompUSA people have fixed and returned my computer in a very efficient manner. Which is good, because of the withdrawals, people. You don't realize how much you are abusing Wikipedia until you don't have it at your instant beck and call. I had urgent Googlish needs: Does the In Death novella from Out of this World come before or after Betrayal In Death? What version of Windows Media Player is current? Who sings this song that's stuck in my head??? All vital, vital questions, I know.

But, I made it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, actually. One week laptop-less is not the end of the world. I'm just glad to have it back, so I can talk to all of you fine people again.

And check PostSecret. And ADWOFF. And all of my beautiful Bloglines!

It's a little bit sad, isn't it? Oh well. I don't care.

Here we go again

I'm off to deliver my laptop to the CompUSA guys, in the hopes of having an actually functioning USB port. Who knows what my chances are? I'll be checking in on my parent's land line, but not as often, because it doesn't live in my room. So... till then, have a happy Monday (and only a Monday, right? Cuz I'll totally have it back by tonight... right CompUSA guys? ....) or whatever comes next.

Oh, and if you feel like it, you can check out the best shots of last week via Picture This, here.

My best shot from the past week was this one, of Baby Girl, messy face and all --->

Be back soon!

Misadventures in Closed Captioning...

Live, at the Screen Actor's Guild!

Thomas "Hatin" Church, with co-nominee Robert "De Value"


Oh, and also? Could somebody please tell actresses that bras are not optional pieces of an outfit? Please?

I meant to say ...

One of the reasons I keep this blog anonymous (or, mostly anonymous), is that I need to be able to write things like this post without worrying that my family will come across it while random Googling. Because I need this space to be able to say things I know would be hurtful to them, or worrisome, or just none of their frickin business. Because I need to be able to say what I need to say, get some things out of my head, without worrying about how this one or that one would take it.

And in the past two weeks, I've written very little, but only because I've had so much to say.

Because I've somehow found myself in the middle of everybody's lives, and I don't know what to do. Note: the following rant is long and self-pitying. Feel free to skip.

In the past little while, I've learned the following things:

- that my suspicions have been justified: Oldest Brother has been stealing and abusing my prescription drugs (and the drugs of others). For months. I am afraid, hurt, angry, disappointed, enraged, confused, scared, conflicted, and a million other things about this. And I'm so unsure as to what comes next.

- that Youngest Sister/SisterK has an entire lost family who found her through MySpace. And that she's been slacking off in school, with her violin, in her exams, since she got a new boyfriend. This is one of those mixed blessings: at 18, and without either of her natural parents, SisterK has a lot of questions. So this new set of aunts and cousins (from her mother's side), is a wonderful thing for her. It's also "hell-a confusing," and comes on top of a lack of focus/bit of senoritis on her part.

- that SisterJ didn't get the promotion she'd been hoping for. Or the loan. Or the new, cheap apartment she'd been promised. And that her depression isn't getting much better (Gee, I wonder why?)

- that my favorite cousin is finally pregnant, but they aren't telling anybody yet, because it's too early & it's taken so long to get here, so she's really worried that things could still go horribly wrong.

- that my Grandmother's sight is getting so much worse that they're telling her to be prepared for the fact that she'll probably be totally blind in one eye, within the next year. This is the Grandmother who, like me, takes such pleasure in reading.

- that my body is still in the running to be America's Most Screwed-Up Body, even though I'd really like to bow out of the competition.

- that the uncle we don't talk to (AKA, one of The People Upstairs) quit his job. Which means that my grandmother is NEVER. GOING. TO. EVICT. THEM. Regardless of her promises. NEVER.

- that SisterC is still fighting with the boyfriend-she-moved-in-with on a daily basis. And that, sometimes, she's afraid of him. And they live 45 minutes away, so what am I supposed to do with that information? She won't leave him; she doesn't want anybody to talk about it at all, even.


It's really been one of those weeks where, even though you try to remind yourself that things could get worse, it's hard to see how. Until it does. And, not everybody knows everything: I'm keeping this part from my parents, keeping that part from one of my sisters. And, so much of it is stuff I can't control, so I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels.

I seem to be the only one who knows almost everything, and it's like a physical weight. It's so hard to decipher, 12 years into it, what I would feel like if all this were going on & I wasn't sick. How different my reactions would be. It's also stupid to try: it doesn't matter, since I am sick. This is where I am, this is where I have to deal with these things from.

It's also, just now, feeling a bit one sided. (Ok, maybe 8-vs-1 sided, if that makes more sense:) Everybody can come to me, everybody's problems are on my shoulders, but who can I go to? How many sympathetic ears are available to me? And this is not all their fault: a lot of it is me - I find it so difficult to explain myself, or ask for the emotional support I need, when they are all fufilling so many of my physical needs already. Or, so many of my issues are so longstanding, so unchanged that going over them again seems unbearable/useless.

So it's good to have this outlet, to be able to just dump it all here and not worry (too much)about overburdening someone whose plate is already full or being overly melodramatic. Even if no one was out there listening, it would be good to have this place to just let it all out.

And the fact that you guys are listening? Is just overwhelmingly appreciated.

Because just having this place, just being able to blurt it all out & not worry that someone will be hurt further, is so important to me.

Today is Blog for Choice Day, and the question to be answered is "Why are you Pro-Choice?"

This is something I was kind of iffy about being involved in, at first.
Mostly because I don't feel overly qualified to talk about being pro-choice: Unlike so many other women, it's an abstract ideal to me, something that has never come into play in my own life. For reasons we've talked about here, my life as a young woman has been as far from normal as you can get. So I have never had to deal with, firsthand, the issues surrounding unwanted pregnancies. I feel a little bit unqualified to preach on the subject.

And yet.

And yet, I am a young woman who has been faced with making numerous, life-altering decisions about my body. I'm a young woman who's had to make difficult choices about treatments and procedures that have changed the path my life has taken. I am a woman who will continue to make these decisions for myself, never knowing if I am making the right choice, only knowing that I have to choose.

My decisions have been medical in nature, but they've also been influenced by my ideals & my goals for my future; social & familial pressures; the best information that's available to me; financial restraints; where I've been in my life - healthwise, professionally, or personally; & what I thought I could handle at that specific time.

And, if you think about it, all of these things - all of these factors and fears and issues - are the things that come into play when you're talking about a woman's right to choose.

Now, deciding to have an abortion - or to continue a pregnancy - is entirely different from deciding whether or not you opt in for the next dangerous treatment, or decline to undergo the next potentially harmful test. They're not the same, in so many ways. But they are the same in one very important way: My body - My choice.

That's what it all boils down to, I guess; All my untested ideas about what I would do in that situation, or how I would counsel my friend or one of my sisters, should she find herself in need of my help. It all comes down to ---> Her body, her choice.

It may seem simplistic, perhaps even naive, but I don't expect that my parents or my significant other, even a doctor would be able to override any other medical decision I might make. Or that there could be a law denying me the right to make these decisions: it's ludicrous to even imagine that such a law could be passed. Not in our country.

Why should this decision - even though it's got a zillion different aspects to it, when you come to the core of it, this medical decision - be any different?

Comment away: I'd like to hear your takes on it.

One of the things I love, love, love about having my laptop is that I can - & do - leave it on all the time. (I'm in denial about having to bring it back this week. De-ni-al.)

On and online, almost all the time.

It's fabulous because anytime I have even the slightest thought about something, I can type it right into this here blog (and save it as a draft, so you poor people don't get messy in the explosion from my brain). I can go right to my library and request any random book I hear mentioned on TV or read about in a magazine. If there's a song I want to hear more of, or a recipe I can't remember: it's all right here.

Also, most frequently, I can use it to fill my head with more useless trivia.

And the gold standard for answering questions - any tiny little question that pops into my head - is Wikipedia.
Wikipedia has solved a million, trivial issues for me.

Today's example:

Re-reading a book, I came across the phrase Tinker to Evers to Chance. It was obviously a baseball reference, but I am obviously NOT a baseball person. But, I love history, and poems, so imagine how great it was to type the phrase into Wikipedia and get this response.

Ah.. Wikipedia. What did we ever do without you?

Something I'm not going to want to explain to the tech guys

How Nerds wound up in my keyboard.

Thankfully, that didn't happen (it was a close call though).

Sometime in the next week or so, my laptop has to go back to CompUSA for yet another tweaking. I've had the computer for 2 years now, and this is its second such check-up. Last time, I wound up having to mail it back to HP, where they replaced the hard drive. I was not exactly pleased, but it would freeze-up randomly, and that was kind of prohibitive.

This time, two of my three USB ports have just quit working. As in, one day they worked, the next day... zip. And the third one is kind of temperamental. So... Having uninstalled and reinstalled the drivers, and given the fact that the Device Manager tells me they are working perfectly, and after three different tech guys (who all think I am very stupid), it's got to go back. Again.

But first, I've got to back up my hard drive, just in case they decide to wipe me out again. Which means I need to buy an external hard drive, which wasn't exactly in my budget, but I'm figuring it out. I'd appreciate any brands to look for/stay away from, if you know anything about this kind of thing.

In other news, the steroids were definitely making the flare worse. Not very nice of them, and completely in opposition to everything Zack (my doc) would expect them to do. Yet another example of NTE's completely freakish body, when, seriously, we had plenty of evidence already, thank you very much.

False advertising

Today, I finally got around to watching my Netflix copy of Little Miss Sunshine. Now, I've heard nothing but good things about this movie since it came out this summer, and I think that really interfered with my enjoyment of it.


One of the problems with never going to the movies (Once in 7 years, people.) & waiting for it to come around to my turn in the grander Netflix queue is that I've seen a lot of the best parts of a movie already. Between little clips here and there, commercials, & what people tell me, a lot of the key parts of the movie I've already experienced. So they're not that big of a deal in the movie. I'm not surprised by the things that probably should be surprising.

But I think what happened with LMS was about hype. I kept hearing about how funny it was, how it was one of the funniest movies of the year, of the past few years; it has Steve Carell in it, and any of my Daily Show people is a must see for me; the commercials were cut to make it appear like some lighthearted comedy; everyone agreed: FUNNY MOVIE.

So I went into it expecting it to be hil- ar -ious. And... it wasn't, really.

It was sad and moving and heartbreakingly realistic and a lot of other things, but it wasn't laugh out loud funny (for the most part - more about that later).

So as I sat there watching it, I was let down that it wasn't turning out to be sooo funny. And I was almost to the point where I was going to just shut it off, I was so not in the mood for what it was offering me.

I was grumbling though, watching it. Thinking of all the reviewers and sisters (bad sisters) who had misled me. Giving the movie a pretty poor rating in my head - almost hating it.

I stuck it out though, and came around to the last 10 minutes of the movie. Which were AMAZING. And immediately bumped the movie waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up in my estimation.

So, I'll forgive all those critics and reviews and sisters, because the last 10 minutes made up for all of it.

But, it's still not some lighthearted comedy, people.

Bring tissues instead.

So, it's Tuesday

(trust me, even knowing the days of the week is a HUGE improvement over last week).

Hi everybody! I want to thank you all, again, for all the warm thoughts and well wishes: I want to post about the flare, and at the same time I don't. Because I am sick.to.death. of it. The worst (of this one anyways) seems to have passed, and for that I am very, very grateful.

So, let me start with some cleaning up:


PowersTwinB said...
Hi, I am new to blogger...I was wondering if you could please give me the URL for the But You Don't Look Sick board? I have fibromyagia and arthritis...sounds just like my kind of place...And please come and visit my new blog?

PowersTwinB: I will certainly stop by your new blog: welcome to the blogosphere! The address for the BYDLS boards is: (trickily enough)www.butyoudontlooksick.com/boards: it is a fabulous and welcoming community, so please stop by.

To the e-mailer anon, who asked if I could, specifically, talk about my diagnoses. No. But only because everytime I go to the doctors, they fiddle with them all a little bit more. But the things that just about everybody seems to agree on are these:
Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. On that page, you cn find most of my other diagonses as well: Fibromyalgia, Postural Orthostatic Hypotensive Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (aka the "I am allergic to everysinglethingevermade syndrome") & most of my symptoms. The CFIDS diagnosis is pretty much useless: it's a clump of conditions with various causes and nobody really knows why they clump together the way they do. It's a blast. Particularly the hit-or-miss aspect to treatments. Fun and games, I tell you.

Under the umbrella of CFIDS comes the various things that make my everyday so enjoyable: an immune system that lacks the capability to protect me from illnesses (hypogammaglobunemia), asthma, chronic sinusitus, brain fog, and on and on. In the past few years, the pain aspect of the syndrome - the Fibromyalgia, it seems - has claimed center stage. Most of my efforts have been focused on getting that - just the overwhelming pain - into some sort of managable form.
This has shown me two things, really: 1) A person can live with an obscene amount of pain, even when they may wish it otherwise and 2) Very little else matters, when you're in that kind of pain. This past week, for example, had the house been on fire, I don't think I would have noticed. And if I did notice, I doubt very much that I would've cared: there was only me and the pain and the idea of not making more pain.

Ah, see what I did there? I said I wasn't going to talk about it, and then I did. Boo.

Anyways, that wraps up all the loose ends, I think; I should be back later with something completely different to talk about (even if I have to make it up!)

Thanks again, for sticking!

Peek-a-boo!

I am feeling semi-human again, and, now that my brain has kicked back in, I'm missing all of my inter-web-peoples. So, I'm hoping to be back tomorrow, full of posting goodness. (Also, I will answer some of the e-mails/comments that I've been meaning to get to. I promise. First thing.)