Songs to hate by

So there are these people in my family who, while they are technically related to me, I'd like to disown. They've behaved hideously in various ways & towards various people, for a number of years, and little hope for reconciliation. We don't talk to, or interact with any of them, if we can manage it. Personally, I've only broken my silence once in the past three years (when my aunt was trying to poison me by painting the back porch, and I asked her not to... she declined and I had to leave my house again, because she's a lunatic). But anyways, the point of sharing this tiny slice of my family insanity is that sadly, they still live upstairs from us.

The other day I was alone in my house, and the 17 year-old, at-least-as-crazy-and-dangerous-as-his-mother ex-cousin was upstairs by himself. (He's stopped going to school for whatever reason, so he's home everyday, playing video games loudly.) And it seemed like every six minutes or so, he came barreling down the stairs, (which happen to be right on the other side of my room) to check the front door for the mail. Our mailman doesn't seem to have any sort of regular delivery time -- sometimes it's as early as 10 a.m., others it's as late as 7 p.m. So there's no way to predict when it will come, and the only way to know if mail has come is to check the door. So, yes, if he wants to know if the mail came, he's got to come down and check.

Since my window looks out on the front door, I generally see or hear the mail come, but it isn't that big of a deal, because I'm not usually expecting anything either.

Well, crazy boy must've been expecting something very important (a truancy card addressed to his parents, perhaps)? Because he just kept racing down to check. Again and again and again. And he doesn't just walk down the stairs, like any normal person. No, he bombs down them... thump thump thump... And it sounds like he does that heel slide on the last few steps... you know, where you're too lazy to keep actually putting effort into walking, and you just flip flip down the last couple of steps? He does that, then bangs the door open and slams it closed again, even though all he really had to do was twitch aside the curtain and look out the window.

After about the 7th time he did this, I was starting to get really annoyed. It wasn't only the issue of the considerable noise, it was just his presence. Just knowing that they shouldn't be upstairs in the first place, his repeated interruptions kept reminding me of all the horrible things that they subject us all to, all of the tension and hatred that boils constantly around here. It was making me more frustrated and upset about this situation that just won't end.

But I know that getting upset over this crap isn't really helpful, and I really wanted not to let it bother me so much. Instead, I decided to have a bit of fun... It so happened that I was downloading songs onto my new laptop at the time, and I decided to find some songs wholly appropriate for our situation and then play them loudly each time loser boy came back.

So the next time he came roaring down the stairs it was to the tune of "You could drive a person crazy" sung by the lovely Bernadette Peters. After that came a little "Superfreak" chorus. Next mail check? "Less of You (is more)."

Not only did I build a fabulous music library on my computer (many of these songs/artists were new to me), I got out some of my pent up frustrations at this God-awful situation, and nobody really got hurt (ok... a few of the songs are a bit harsh... but he's clueless, so it isn't like he knew... and besides... harsh or not, they're still on point).

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Here's what else I picked up:
"You don't own me"(from the First Wives Club)
"Why don't you do right" (made popular by Jessica Rabbit)
"What is this feeling (loathing)?" (From the musical Wicked)
"Wake me up before you go go" (only because I want to see it actually happen)
"Tomorrow belongs to me" (In other words, you're not in it.)
"Time to say good-bye" (Yup... take the hint)
"These boots are made for walking" (So figure out how they work, and give 'em a try)
"Something stupid" (Yeah... it's you.)
"So long, farewell" (Could I be any clearer?)
"Schadenfraude" (From Avenue Q: has a very clear definition of shadenfraude itself, and illustrates many of the reasons I don't feel too guilty about this list)
"Punch in the nose"
"No one mourns the wicked" (Can you guess who I'm talking about here?)
"Last chance to lose your keys" (Isn't this just the greatest song name ever?)
"Time to change"
"I'll be glad when you're dead you rascal you" (Well, dead is certainly unnecessary... just... not HERE would suffice).
"I wonder what became of you" (Because I remember when you used to have morals, and, gee, I don't know... care about the people you claimed to love)
"Homewrecker"
"Hit the road jack
"Leave (get out)
"Movin on
"Leave right now
"Everything you know is wrong" (and let me underline the word everything)
"One way ticket"
"Na na na na good-bye"
"Get lost"
"The theme to the good, the bad, & the ugly" (Guess which is which)


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Wow, how's that for venting? And airing family problems in public? This post is the reason I haven't told my family that I have a blog. Not that anybody down here would do anything but chuckle about my rather odd manner of protesting, but still.

The list is still open for updating, so if you think of anything that should have been included, I'd love to hear about it. Because one of them will come down those stairs at least once everyday, and, even if the computer isn't on, I can still get a smile out of which song my mind chooses to replay at that moment.