Saturday, September 08, 2007

Why is it so hard

(for me in particular, but I'm guessing for a lot of you too)

.... to make good decisions?

.... to do the things we know we should?

.... to keep track of time (how the heck did it get to be Saturday night already)?

.... to get past hurt feelings?

.... to get organized?

.... to figure out TiVo? (Probably the manual would be helpful, but SisterJ lost it)

.... to stop taking responsibility for other peoples' issues?

.... to believe in myself?

.... to tie a bow so that it looks like they do on TV?

.... to get the fricken answers I need?

.... help other people see themselves as clearly as I see them?

.... to have some sort of filter that protects me from being overwhelmed?

.... to recognize - and then STAY WITHIN - my limits?

.... to just be honest and stop holding things back?

.... to stop being afraid?

Crap, I'm in a mood tonight. Fighting with SisterCh over her feelings for Loser Boyfriend, who she was "totally over" less than a week ago, and now ... not so much. Loser Boyfriend who was verbally abusive (and I'm pretty sure physically, too). Loser Boyfriend who made her miserable. Who she turned into a completely different person in order to be with. Since they broke up, she's come back into herself - laughing, honest, kind, cranky, selfish, sweet; all by turns. Herself. And now, he wants her back. He's changed. She's changed. Maybe they can work it out.

It makes me want to throw up.

I don't understand that there were good times. I don't understand how wonderful the good times were. I'm a "person without a heart," because I can't see that her memories of good times matter to her enough for her consider going back to him, to consider breaking up with the boy she's started dating (who is 'different' and 'not him').

I guess I must be a cold, heartless bitch, because I don't care how many 'good times' you have, if you also have to put up with him throwing furniture or calling you a whore. I guess the fact that I've been sick and "never had a man in my life" (God, do sisters know where to stick the knives!) does mean that I don't know anything about relationships, because I don't think that it's reasonable for him to put his fist through the wall and tell you he's changed because he's "made an appointment to talk to someone." I guess the fact that he isolates you from your family - example: NOW - because we "just don't understand!!" is not a clear DANGER DANGER DANGER sign.

I guess I really am just plain clueless.

Sorry for the random rant: nothing I can say to anybody here, as SisterCh told me in confidence about all of this. Oh, they know we're fighting - I'm a ball of tension when fighting with someone - but I can't just scream: "She's making the WORST decisions of her life because she's scared. And lonely. And she wants something that never really was any good in the first place!!!"

Thanks for the ears.

And any advice would be gratefully received.


Laurie said...

There are few things on earth as frustrating as watching someone you love make terrible, terrible decisions...especially when they turn to you for guidance or support or confidence when all they really want is the one thing that you cannot give them, precisely because you DO love them: validation of what they're doing.

Melissa said...

Laurie gave spot on advice there...nothing I came up with is remotely close to that.

On the other hand, I can help you make a beautiful bow. In fact, I'll do a bow tutorial on my blog a little later this week. :) Working for Hallmark has its perks!

Madame M. said...

Agreed: sometimes all you can do is love. :o(

Never That Easy said...

Thank you all so much ~ it really helped to just be able to say it. We've talked again (and again and again) since, and she's sure that if she doesn't give him this chance, she'll regret it. I told her that I'm still very much against it, but am willing to send him an e-mail with all of my fears and concerns, so he knows.

I don't really know what good that will do, but I'm trying. Because I will not let him take my sister away from me. Not even a little bit.

Maya's Granny said...

The most important thing that you can do is to keep the bridge between you open. Love her. Tell her how you feel, but don't say so much that she doesn't feel she can talk to you. And be there. One day she may decide that he hasn't changed, and then she will need to be able to cross that bridge without wondering how you will react.