Saturday, February 16, 2008

Sometimes my life really sucks.

Now would be one of those times.

I've avoided talking about it here, but since my Nana's death, we're having some issues about housing.

As in: wouldn't it be nice to have some?

I know I've talked about our living arrangements before: we (my parents, one sister, and I) live on the first floor, my Nana lived on the second with The PUS: her son, his wife and their three kids (whose bedrooms were on the 3rd floor). Now that my Nana isn't here, there's really no way we can afford to keep the house - she owned it free and clear and left it to my mum, the PUS, and Auntie E in equal shares, but there's taxes (insane) and maintaining/fixing it (about triply insane), plus there's the fact that we don't want to live with the PUS now or ever again.

Now that Nana is not here, there will be no heartwarming reunion where they ask us all to forgive them for what they've done: At the hospital, the morning she died, Mr. PUS claimed one of Nana's hands, and I wanted to punch him in the face. Mrs. PUS walked around in tears and said things like "it's for the best" and "you should call your uncle, he really misses you guys." As if the reason we don't speak to our uncle is that we lost his phone number, not because he is a huge asshole. As if they didn't play a very large role in Nana's illness getting to the point it did as quickly it did. I could do a very large rant right now about their role in Nana's life, and how much they wanted her dead (and said to her face "I'll be happy when you're dead!") but that's not what I came here to rant about, and you know how I like to stay on track.

Anyways, there will be no forgive and forget moments between us - I think they are abominable people and I will not allow them to continue to have a role in my life, because I know them to be toxic. I'm through trying to see things from their perspective, giving them a fresh start/another chance, even listening to their excuses: the only reason I had to listen to them before was because of Nana. I know that they are the same people who called my grandmother a 'raving bitch,' who refused to stop painting the porch when I started having an asthma attack because they were 'halfway through a coat,' who threatened to 'punch (us) till we bleed, because (I) won't be able to stop myself.'

And I know that continuing to allow them access to my life, or my family... would be poisonous and crazy.

Except that we're still living in the same house. And, of course, the PUS are the most self-centered, careless people on the face of the planet.

Which brings us back to the whole 'where are we going to live' issue. Because the PUS, who weren't supposed to make any decisions regarding the house until the lawyer's papers all came through; who assured us that they weren't going to 'so much as dust' Nana's things (and yet threw some of them away); who were offended when Auntie E's husband asked them what they were planning to do about either buying the house or selling it (we haven't even thought that far ahead!") - yeah, that PUS?

Well, they're having the upstairs floors sanded and varnished.

Next week.

Oh, there'll be 'no smells - the guy promised!'

And the sanding won't be an issue either because it's upstairs.


I just did a ton of research, and none of it said anything about 'odor free'... as a matter of fact, most of them mentioned 'health concerns' and 'toxicity levels.' That sounds fine... that sounds like something I'll be react to perfectly well.

So, I may be on the move. I may be permanently on the move, as I doubt, once they start, that they're ever going to stop. There'll be varnish, and sanding, and painting, and gluing, and hammering, and all of those things that come along with fixing up a 125 year old house.

Meanwhile, we don't have enough money to just get our own place right now, so I'm going to, most likely, be imposing on the kindness of my relatives (SisterJ, who's got a couch: Yay, almost newlyweds! Have a sick sister living on your couch! or my Grandmother, who, you may remember, turned 90 last July. Not that she wouldn't love to have me, but still... It's hard enough having to move back in with your parents because your sick and can't do everything for yourself, but to have to move in with your 90 year old grandmother? Yeah, that's not exactly in my life plan either.) But we do what we have to do, and I may not have any choice.

However, Nana's lawyer (who hates the PUS because he's an 'arrogant asshole') says that he'll help us out, so we're going to try to get some sort of Temporary Restraining Order, so that he won't be able to do any improvements without the consent of the two other owners (Hi: we hate you, and no you can't fix anything because it will make me sick. The End!)

We'd still have to sell the house, relatively soon... but by then, hopefully, the money from Nana's trust will come through, so we can find someplace else to stash me. And it won't be two day notice that I have to leave behind everything and live on someone's couch for however long.

The funny part is that the lawyer doesn't really know if he'll be able to get the TRO on the grounds of my health concerns, but seems pretty confident that they'll be able to get it because of the money involved: PUS will no doubt be applying to Nana's accounts for the funding - he, however, gets no funds from her estate... which was as cold as she was willing to be to him, unfortunately.

Me? I've never met people more deserving of the "comes around" portion of the whole "What goes around comes around" maxim. I'd like to say that I'm done letting them have even the tiniest bit of say in my life, but I can't really afford to just move on my own (healthwise or financially).

So for now, let's all pray that the restraining order comes through.

If not, it's just something else I'll have to deal with. Which I will, because I can... I just don't want to have to.

So, I wouldn't mind a break right about now... maybe I'll see if we have any chocolate.

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