Why are...

So the new Google Instant - the feature that autofills your query and suggests what you might be searching for - has resulted in some ... interesting searches. There's been a lot of talk about what words (and populations) are missing from the feature, as well as some fascinating discussions about what the top results mean, sociologically speaking. But this post isn't about those things, really. I only mention them because I find them interesting.

Instead, this is a post about something I never would have had the chance to learn, if not for Google Instant. Although I was originally trying to find out why the box scores on the baseball game are so ridiculously blurry and hard to read (my guess was that my grandmother's 20 something-year-old television is just not HD enough to handle the broadcast), I was instead "treated" to the answer to the age old question: "Why are women like parking spaces?"

Being naive, I was not aware that women were like parking spaces in any way, so, curious girl that I am, I clicked on the link to find out the answer. And boy, am I glad that I did.

You'll never guess what I found out. For your edification (and mine): Women are like parking spaces

"Because all the best ones are taken….and the rest are handicapped!"

Awesome! Funny and hilarious. And not at all ableist or the least bit insultingly sexist!


Really: I hope I don't need to explain how offensive this is, in so many ways - women as objects; disabled women as less than TAB-women, just off the top of my head. Just in case it's not really clicking for you, though, or you're thinking "well, that's not too ridiculous, why do you have to be so sensitive???" I offer this alternate, and even more offensive answer:

Women are like parking spaces (because)...
...normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

That... makes me want to throw up. Thanks, though, internet troll, for making it clear that women with disabilities aren't really "good," but that eventually, you might desperate enough to fuck us so long as nobody else would find out about it. Such a noble sacrifice that must be for you - and, of course, I am sure that any disabled chick you might happen to want to bang would have to be exceedingly grateful that you'd even consider her.

Damn me for forgetting that women with disabilities aren't sexy, or in relationships, but are only just pathetic half-women who are lucky to get any attention from men at all.

Pardon me, but I'm also thinking that, if this is your normal attitude towards women, you find yourself in desperate situations quite often. It must be lonely.

But this is at least one disabled woman you'll never be sticking anything in.

And thanks, Google Instant, for reminding me that there are still people who think this is funny. (See the Facebook page for this wondrous "joke", which I am not going to link to, because I don't want any of their 166,000 fans to come and try to explain why this is, in fact, gut-bustingly witty, and I am just a humorless bitch.)