Happy Last Day of 2010! Hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas, and that things have been peaceful around you. My day was, as almost all days are, both good and bad. Highs and lows - extreme and within minutes of each other - are no new thing around here, but they can still be ridiculously exhausting, and that is one reason why I didn't manage to post anything in the past week or so.
The gear up for Christmas is so frenetic for me - even if I take it as slow and easy as I can manage, it is still (at the very least) doubling the amount of activity I do every day. But I still love it, no matter how difficult it may be. Plus, I am learning some tricks as I go along: Online shopping? Yes; Malls on a weekend in December? Hells No. Cookie dough made in extra large batches at least a week ahead of baking day? Yes, genius (also make enough for leftovers!); Trying to make every good recipe I have bookmarked in the past year, Definitely not. Trying to organize present opening so that it doesn't resemble the tornado twist of the Tasmanian devil, give you a panic attack, and make it completely unenjoyable? Yes please; Realizing that not everybody wants to play along with that and taking some deep breaths along the way? Completely necessary. It's not perfect, but it's getting there.
And after Christmas this year, here in the Northeast, brought us the extra surprise/complication of a blizzard the next day that left everybody stuck where they were for a day and a half. Which was ok by me, mostly, except that we were supposed to visit Grandmother, who was not feeling well enough to come to our house for Christmas, and we haven't been able to get over there since (because I need the snow shoveling to be done at her house and not just ours). Also, my sister and her boys came down from New Hampshire for their post-Christmas mini-Christmas on Wednesday - they'll be here till Sunday, and in that time we will try to squeeze in the following things: a 1 year old's second first birthday party, a sleepover for at least three kids, and most likely the fourth, come tonight; the ushering out of an old year and welcoming of the new; my mom's 50th birthday for which I have no gift; finally getting over to see Grandmother; a week plus of my dad being on vacation; feeding all those people for however many days there are, plus a group gathering on Saturday, even though nobody's been to the damn grocery store since before Christmas; and probably a partridge in a freaking pear tree.
I am saying that the year is ending as it went along - momentary joys and happinesses (watching all my nephews get along together, talking to my sisters like the adults we supposedly are, sitting here in my rocking chair typing away while everybody else is sound asleep) surrounded on all sides by stress and drama (the most active one year old I have ever met - and considering I worked in two separate day cares, that is saying a lot -, my parents and their drinking - which, I can't even discuss right now else I will lose my calm -, trying to keep a 10 and 14 year old entertained without just plugging them in front of the TV/computer all day, and on and on and on).
Part of the reason I haven't written this week is how busy I am and part of the reason is that I am having a hard time getting geared up for 2011 - I am as jumbled up about that as I seem to be about just about everything right now. I usually like to breathe in a New Year, with all its freshness and possibilities, in huge gulps, but I am not feeling anything new or fresh in my life right at this moment. At this moment, I'm having trouble breathing in anything, let alone basking in hope and optimism about how different and great 2011 is going to be. The number changing doesn't mean my life is going to change, and I am old enough to know that by now. Which doesn't mean that change isn't going to come into my life next year - for sure it is, and it isn't all going to be good. There are worries aplenty on my list and some joys I am counting on to get me through all that worrying - SisterCh's wedding, SisterK's graduation, not to mention LilGirl Tuesdays and Thursdays, or NephewA's sleepovers.
I guess it's that I can feel - I can see coming - so many hard things I am going to have to tackle in the next few months, that I just want to hit the pause button for a few minutes and have a chance to just be before it all comes rushing at me. But that's impossible, and it's all coming no matter what I say, or don't say, so I should just, dive in. Deep breaths, everybody, here we go.
Happy 2011, let's have as much peace as possible.