I spent the week feeling like I was in the middle of an ocean, floating and bobbing along, attempting to eat crackers and drink ginger ale without having them revisit me. That's what I get for trying new drugs. And now that that is starting to truly pass (hey: I ate real, non-cracker foods today... this is a plus! Except do you know what happens to your stomach when you try to put non-cracker foods in it after a week of crackers? It does not take kindly to the intrusion, I can tell you that!), I get to have huge emotional upheavals instead! Hooray!
Seriously. Sometimes I think moving to Australia* might be the wisest choice. I'm starting to think of aliases, see which ones fit me best. I don't want to talk about it again, right now, but suffice it to say that I have both cried and cursed more in the last 8 hours then I have in the last three years. Easily. If you are guessing that the drama is somehow sister related, you would be correct. You would also be correct if you guessed that there was no actual resolution (peaceable or otherwise) /conclusion achieved in the final analysis of the day. In fact, while I think some very important things were said, I'm not sure if any of the important things that needed to be accomplished were accomplished. But I tried. God almighty, I don't think I could have tried any harder, and that's all anybody can ask of me.
By "anybody", I of course mean 'anybody but me ', since I apparently am not satisfied with having done my best, but instead am upset that I wasn't able to achieve miracles and (our little) world peace while I was at it, but that's just because I am kind of a jerk to myself.
I am going to go and find something completely unredeeming to watch on television, or some cracktastic type of book to read, or a computer game that will devour my soul for a few hours. (Or perhaps all three of those things at the exact same time.) Anything to not be me for a little bit.
I'll check back in with you all soon, and hope your weekend is full of bright spots that don't include crackers or drama (unless crackers &/or drama are your idea of happiness, in which case, have at it!)
*Bonus points for all children's lit majors who managed to find the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad portion of today's post.
2 comments:
Thinking of you, NTE. In the past, I often fantasised about running away and becoming a new person when life seemed particularly difficult to negotiate. But then I'd always remember the awkward fact that I'd always have to take me with me, along with illness, guilt and everything.
I hope you and your sister do work things out somehow. Sometimes, these things take both the effort you have given and a lot of time. Waiting, uncertain, is a special kind of hard work because it can make you feel so helpless. But I hope that's what's needed now - having worked so hard kneading that dough today, perhaps you now have to step away and wait for the bread to rise.
I was never a children's lit major but I did get the Alexander ref. Sorry about the unwanted, unneeded, probably unnecessary drama.
Find something very funny on TV. Laughter can help more than anything. (I'm watching old SNL skits. Chris Rock was hilarious!)
Love ya.
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