Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Ladies who lunch

Went out to lunch today with some of my girlfriends from college, and some of their kids. I had a pretty good time, but it was, as always, bittersweet. They talked about their jobs and their families, their moves and houses, and when it came around to my turn to update everybody, I just talked about all the things everybody else in my life was doing - getting married or graduating from college, moving in/out or heading to the 6th grade - as I had nothing new to report.

SSDD, Ladies. Well, Same (enhanced) Shit, Different Decade, honestly. It's frigging frustrating, for sure. But even with all of that, and the general left behind feeling that follows, I'm glad I got to go out for a bit, be around different people, people that I care about & who care about me. I got to meet new babies (4 and 1 year olds aren't exactly babies, but new to me, anyways), and talk about things that are not my family or my health, which is all I ever seem to have to talk about (as is evidenced here by recent posts, as well as lack of posts). And a friend who lives just down the road a piece volunteered to give me a ride home, so that was even better because I rarely get to go places 'on my own', and not having to wait for your mother to pick you up does help you feel slightly more adult.

Doctors always say things about getting out more, and making sure you have a social network, people you can count on, when you're living with chronic illness. And it definitely has its upsides, for sure. Tons of benefits. But I think they underestimate a) how hard it is to build that network in the first place and b) the toll it takes - not just physically, what with the energy you have to expend to be social and leave the house and all that (and holy jesus, I forget that leaving the house to see other people requires things like makeup and non-holey clothing) - but emotionally, to maintain it. It's hard to see them all moving on and going forward and to still, still feel like you're stuck. I am so sick of being stuck.

Anyways, like I said, it was mostly good. I'm trying to focus on that. Although I should have remembered to take a picture, because one of the girls is moving to Tennessee in a couple of weeks, and who knows when we'll see her next, but that didn't occur to me until about three hours ago, so what are you going to do?

Tomorrow the kids will be over, and I have no plans for what to do with them, but I'm sure we'll figure something out. We always do.

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