Fin

Ok, so I've finally made it through every.single.BADD.post - or at least all the ones that have been posted as of May 6th, and I have to say: Wow.

As always, there was soo much wonderful writing, so many excellent perspectives. And, I think, this year, so many more participants - or at least more participants from a wider range of the blogosphere. I was so excited to see the Fishy's logo up on some of my favorite feminist or personal blogs, and glad to be introduced to so many new-to-me blogs as well. The word is definitely spreading.

There were only a few blogs I didn't/couldn't comment on, but the majority of posts were exceptional, and - if my brain was cooperating at the right moment - I tried to let them all know. Here are the final bits and pieces that I want to make note of (I often look back at my round up post when I'm trying to think what I should discuss in my next BADD post.) So here are things that are definitely worth remembering/spending more time thinking about:

This is the disablism specific to invisible disability: you could do it if you really tried. Because there is not a wheelchair, or a cane, or some other visible indication of my disabilities, people assume I am exaggerating or making them up out of whole cloth. You could do it if you really tried, and because I am looking at you and not seeing the trying, you must not be trying at all.My disabilities are invisible, like the wind. Like the wind, they are real; like the wind, they can make it really fucking hard to move forward, they can knock over everything I've built.

If I come to you and say, the wind blew my house down, you don't say, I didn't see it happen, you must not have built your house strong enough.

If I come to you and say, my disability made it so hard as to be impossible for me to do this thing, don't say, I didn't see it happen, you must not have really tried.

Mine are invisible. That doesn't mean they aren't there.

The GOddamn Wolf Woman hits a hole in one with her wind analogyfor invisible disabilities.

His life is a series of missed moments...
I think he believes sometimes that I find him a burden.

I don't. His disability is a burden; he isn't.

Taste is Sweet stated very simply, and brought me to tears.

"Equality" in relationship terminology, and this is really a basic feminist premise, can mean you expect your partner to do as much in the relationship as you. 50/50. But when your partner has a disability, 50/50 on the household chores or whatever isn't going to work, and if you start resenting that, guess what? You're being an enormous ableist jerk.

Bitch Queen Emily, PhD talks about how relationships with disabled partners get out of balance so easily (and I really feel that applies in all relationships, not just marriages, because I feel it so keenly in the relationships with my friends and family, how I often I am just not capable of putting in the required 50% and how they react to that.

And her partner tackles the truth of it with her postButterfly Cauldron: The sharks are here every day

They can't see the thwarted ambition. They can't see the life plan thrown irrevocably off track. ...
I'm always struggling, in some way, with reconciling the image I have/had of myself and the reality of my situation. I fight the urge to blame myself, to give in to the delusion that I'm just imaging things, that they're not as bad as they seem, that I don't really hurt this much, it's all in my mind.

I am not your Sunday afternoon special. I am not your magical rejuvenating golden girl. I am not a reflection of your idealist worldview.

I am a person. I am a person with a disability, but I am still a person. How I own my experience is up to me, not to you or your preconceived notions of magical disabled persons.

Not a stereotype is right.

The fact that I feel I have to defend my actions, justify the logic of my self-care, is fucked up. I am an adult, and my health is my concern. And I am in the best position to make those kinds of decisions. But I feel like I am accountable to everyone who knows that I have depression - like it's only acceptable for me to show it if I can prove that I am trying really hard to get better.

Kirsten's discussion about advice and having to justify her behavior and actions really makes me think about all the times I have to 'prove' I am following doctor's orders, and how difficult it is to disobey them (even if you know you will benefit from it) because other people will not understand.

and lastly -

Needing help isn't a weakness, it's a way of overcoming one.

from the Multiple Sclerosis Foundation blog

As always, thanks to the Goldfish for all of her hard work in putting this together, and if you haven't gotten a chance, head on over there to check out some of the fabulous posts.