But still, it seems to fit my mood.
After about 17 minutes of sleep last night, I 'woke up' in a funk. I haven't showered in a week, and I'm feeling guilty for not letting the kiddos come today because I'm still trying to battle my way back from this latest flare. I'm having the kind of day where I just want to curl up in a ball and tell everyone to "GO AWAY!" Because it hurts to lie still and it hurts to move, it hurts to have clothes touch my skin or to lean against even the softest pillow. It hurts to think, or talk, or anything, and today, I'm just not up for pretending it doesn't.
I don't always feel like this, even when I feel this bad. Sometimes, most times, I just have to adopt as much of a game face/battle-through it attitude as I can. And I do - I do a lot: I play with, feed, teach the kids; I read books and write reviews; I organize photos or make scrapbook pages; I talk to my friends - IRL or online; I do research for one of the millions of things I or another family member need... I've adapted in so many ways to being sick, finding things I can do and be passionate about given the limitations I have. Playing to my new strengths, so to speak.
And even writing that has cheered me up a bit, because I have accomplished a lot. I do do a lot, it's just today - with the grey skies and my greasy hair - it doesn't really seem like it. So today's prescription is as follows:
- Take all meds (cuz sometimes, like an idiot, when I don't feel well I forget/forget on purpose just to be stubborn)
- Take a shower and then shower coma
- Eat something yummy
- Watch funny movies/read comfort reads
- Know that everybody gets bad moods, not just me (cuz it sometimes really feels like I am being so completely ungrateful & hateful)
- Try to get some actual sleep
- Wish everybody a happy Wednesday
8 comments:
Oh I know these days far too well and I wish I could somehow take some of the crap away from you. Your coping strategy sounds like a very good one - though the thought of lifting arms and dunking head in to get clean fills me with dread being de-smellified does make quite a big difference, even getting into grimy bed again afterwards.
One thing I have discovered if you're not quite up to watching TV is to listen again to programmes like I'm sorry I haven't a clue on the Radio 4 website or any other comedies.
May tomorrow bring you some respite from the miasma of murkiness and at least one smile :)
You're right, we all have days like these. Follow your recipe and wait for the sun to come out! Definitely listen to "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" (Mornington Crescent!!!!!!) and get some sleep. Hopefully you're feeling much better now.
I know these days too well. I usually end up crying and freaking out on someone because I'll hear "What did you get done today? Oh, you're flaring? Well, where exactly does it hurt?" Where exactly??? How bout from my hair to my toenails - does that cover it well enough for ya?
I'm praying for you so the flare will ease very soon!
I found your blog through "The Happiness Project", which I found through the blog of a friend. I have been trying to catch-up by reading your archives and though I am not done, I felt that I have read enough to get a general sense of your life. I also suffer from FMS, and though I have not had it as long as you and I not as sick as you are, I understand. We also seem to have some things in common other that this horrible disease. I also love to read (yes, even children's literature), am a lapsed Catholic, and grew up in the great North East (Stephentown, NY)-although I now live in Virginia.
I wanted to share with you and any of your readers who also suffer from FMS a book that I recently read that gave me hope of getting my life back. It is called "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia" by R. Paul St. Amand, MD and Claudia Marek. I have done much research since I was diagnosed and this book is the only one I have found that offers a treatment for the the disease instead of just treating the symptoms. I have taken steps to start the protocol as described in the book and have altered my diet as per the books suggestions and already I have seen some improvement. The protocol is not easy. It involves some pretty big lifestyle changes but I think it's worth it if it works. There is a web-site you can check out for some preliminary info if you're interested. It is www.fibromylagiatreatment.com. I hope that this current flare is short and I wish you all the best and will continue to read your blog!
Fluttertongue -
Oh, showers are a pleasure/torture proposition for me, as well. Hence the 'shower coma:' I can't even get out of the shower on my own, and need help crawling back into bed where I stay for hours afterwards. It's a ball! Thanks for the suggestions - there are totally days when I can't read, and I generally watch clipshows. (Clipshows are an obsession of mine: little attention span required, thankfully.)
Arizaphale - I've never heard that song before, but I put it in my search folder, so I'll keep my ears open for it. Thanks! I'd say better might be a stretch, but still here works.
Misty Dawn -
Thanks so much for the well wishes: I did some stuff I wasn't really ready for this weekend (surprise), so today's not the best of days. But at least my brain is working. I hate it when my brain and body decide to be difficult at the same time. 'Hair to toenails' though, that seems about right.
Marlene -
Welcome! Isn't the Happiness Project amazing?? So many great ideas. Thanks for the book information: it's kind of you to care. I'll be sure to check it out. I'm sorry we have FM in common, though I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Please wander as much as you want: new readers are always welcome!
May I just give you a great big HUG and say my prayers for you? Well, I have. Take care, and keep writing...we like to know you're around.
Pssst...I totally identify with how you are feeling. ;)
Oh, its not a song...its a radio show! Very British humour...zany but always puts a smile on my face. Mind you I have been discovering that US and Brit/Aussie humour are quite different so...don't blame me if you think "what the..?'
Sweetie,
I'm so sorry that you are having a flare and hope that by now (Aug 15) it is better.
Know that I hold you in my thoughts often, wishing you the best. And that I never fail to admire your courage and strength. Even when you don't feel like you are holding up well, you are. Constant pain saps strength and hope and life. To endure it with the courage you show is amazing.
Eat something very yummy, and watch a very funny movie. Taste and laughter are good for you on many levels.
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