Thursday, August 16, 2007

I swear to you, people

I just can't keep up lately.

So, since I love you and you are all kind enough to keep coming back here, but I can't get up enough energy for a whole talk-y kind of post, have some bullets.

  • I got a new bookcase! And it is purty. Mum & I put it together ourselves (well, I read the directions, which is an important part of the putting together, thank you very much.) I'm still in the process of getting books into it. With no kiddos next week - their parents are taking them to the Cape on vacation - I'll hopefully get more accomplished.

  • My summer cold melted (almost literally) right into another major sinus infection - my 5th (?) since coming off my prophylactic antibiotics. I think it's time to rethink that decision.

  • Baby Girl is picking up words faster than we can put them down: yesterday she just mimicked my (fabulous) cow impression. "Mooooooooooooooo" and she kept doing it all day. She also learned 'baby' and 'ball' in sign language, and remembered airplane from last week, even though I didn't think she was paying any attention last week. (We use both, and that's a post I've been meaning to write, too. Added to the pile.) Don't be fooled - our 15 month old vocabulary still consists of mostly grunts, pointing, nodding, odd little chirps and an occasional 'ssssssssss,' but she's learning fast.

  • A few weeks ago, on a rare beautiful and not too hot day, I had my window open and a man was jogging by. Men jog by all the time, but my first little out-of-the-corner-of-my-eye glance at this guy gave me a kind of zap - I thought he was my father. My father, not my dad. The one who died (oh my gosh, has it been) 8 years ago. On second & third much closer looks, he still bore a striking resemblance to my father - short, compact build, but muscular; facial hair in that (completely uncomplimentary) Fu Manchu-ish style; face pulled tight - almost grimacing - with that 'I'm focusing here!' look - but there were plenty of differences: Their coloring was similar, but my father's skin seemed permanently tanned - rougher, more leathery, perhaps from his time on the decks of Navy ships, whereas this guy's tan seemed new and shiny; My father would probably have a bald spot by now, as his hair was thinning when he died, but I couldn't picture him with both the facial hair and the shiny spot on the back of his head (surely, one of would have been able to talk him out of that...); and my father never ran in anything other than his fatigues. Ever.

    My relationship with my father was - is - complicated and painful and wonderful (although those are the hardest times for me to remember), and the jolt I got from seeing this guy whiz by was too painful for me to think that all the years he's been gone have changed that. But it did make me look at the calendar, did remind me that his anniversary would be the next day, did make me pick up the phone and call my grandmother, help take her mind off of it for a little while.

    So, thanks, random Jogger Guy.

  • We're supposed to have thunderstorms tonight - already, I can feel the air changing a bit - but I just don't feel up to taking a shower yet. Sadly, if I don't get to it tonight, there's always waiting till tomorrow. (Although I really, really need to wash my hair.... maybe I can get enough energy for just that?)

  • Random crazy dream from last night's 22 whole minutes - interrupted, of course - of sleep: talking to my Nana about the PUS, trying to get her to see reason, only we're arguing, screaming at each other, her totally ignoring what I have to say. And, of course, we're having this fight in the bra department at a store in the local mall. And as I'm screaming, the bra lady has to shout over me, "We don't carry bras that big in the store!!!" Nice. I wonder if the bridesmaid's dress shopping wasn't a little bit traumatic after all? (Seriously, my dress only comes in one size bigger than the one I am wearing. I think I wouldn't mind being bigger if I got to eat whatever I felt like, but since so much of my weight seems to be stuck on b/c of meds, I'm really not happy about it....)

The end. (Except - Yeah, I meant to find a Theme Thursday picture, but couldn't think of anything to fit fly... if I come up with it tonight, I'll post it then. Hopefully.)


Laurie said...

I hear you, girl. I sometimes think I will fight the pounds from almost contsant steroids the first 20 years of my life for the next twenty!


And as a gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetable and brown rice girl, it's not like I'm having any food fun :)

Never That Easy said...

Laurie -

Thanks for the commiserating with the whole weight issue... I wish I could just not be bothered by it, but saying "Hello, these drugs are saving your life/helping to ease your pain... perhaps you should be grateful instead of petulant?" to myself still doesn't seem to erase the downsides to being so heavy.

Maya's Granny said...

Sweetie, have you tried just getting mad about it? I've found that trying to feel what I "should" feel before I've let myself feel what I do feel just doesn't work.

Let yourself be mad and sad and feel cheated and awful and anything else you need to feel about the weight. It isn't easy to be heavy in this day and age.