Friday, November 30, 2007

No more NaBloPoMo

Today is the last day of National Blog Posting Month, and I made it, again. I almost stopped caring, quite a few times, when things started to get heavier and heavier, but it gave me something else to think about besides what's going on here, and that wound up being a good thing.

Last year, after I finished my first NaBloPoMo, I was all "I can do this, this posting everyday thing: I'll keep it going all year." Yeah, this year, I know better - t'ain't gonna happen.

But, I also know I'm still committed to this, this sharing with people thing. I hate how my best ideas for blogs happen as soon as I click the little "Shut down computer" button. Or in the shower. Or while I'm too sick to roll over and type. But I love that I have this almost constant voice in my head that's urging me to write.

Because I am a writer - I've always written, assume I always will.

I may not be the best writer, but trying to figure out the right words to say to make people feel what I am saying is important to me. (Sometimes, too important, hence the multitude of unpublished drafts in my post listings... if I can't find the right way to say it, I probably won't say it at all.)

I also know how important all of you are to me: my readers and the writers of the blogs I read. I'm addicted to, and committed to, this community. All of the smart, funny, brilliant, quirky, understanding, thoughtful, determined, and generous (mostly) women I've met since I fell into the blogosphere.

Every single person who I 'know' because they've sat at their computer, turned on their brains, moved their fingers and opened their hearts to the world.

To me.

It's funny how often I start a conversation with "Well, I was reading this blog and," or "You know my friend Janice said," ...or Miss Zoot, or the Goldfish - you know, all of these people I've never actually met but who feel closer to me than my in-person friends?
Or how so many of the quotes going into my collected wisdom folders are from blogs.
Or how a trick/technique I've read about here becomes a part of my daily routine.
Or how often I will be doing something (watching TV, eating, sitting in a doctor's waiting room again) and something I've read in the blogosphere will pop into my head.
Or how frequently I find myself sending good vibes to places I've never been, except in my heart.

So, with all that's going on in my life right now - and all I can see that is going on in all of yours - I'm grateful that we've got these places, these little refuges.

I started this blog more than 2 years ago, looking for an outlet, a very necessary place to call my own, even if it wasn't a physical place. I never dreamed that it would also be a place where I would feel so connected - to myself, to women, to mothers, to the world.

In real life, I'm so often the misfit, the one who doesn't/can't just blend in: I'm too sick, too lonely, too straight laced, too weird, too anxious, too abby-normal.

And yet here, I belong.

I'm just another voice, just another open heart.


Laurie said...

Beautiful post, NTE! Thank you for sharing, and for your wisdom and eloquence.

And, of course, congrats on the 30 posts in 30 days!

Misty DawnS said...

This is a very wonderful post! Seriously.

And, I can SO relate to what you are saying. I can't tell you how many times I've thought "Oh, I should blog about this" and went running to my computer. Hubs will say "What are you doing?" and I'll say "Telling my friends about this!" He's tried convincing me that this is a computer... and I've tried convincing him that it holds some of the best friendships I've ever found!

Today, my Fibro is flaring, so, I've done nothing but lay on the couch and read blogs.

seahorse said...

And that's another stunning read! Really very honest and thought-provoking. I hadn't meant to be away so long, but yes it is kind of Christmas plus meds related. Forgive me.

Maya's Granny said...

Isn't it wonderful that we can make friends in this space? And how treasured they become.

Never That Easy said...

Seahorse - Forgive you? Are you kdding me? The staying away so long goes with the territory, as far as I'm concerned. Because I've been out of the loop for a while now too, and I know that it's hard to stay up on everything/everybody. No forgiveness is necessary, I assure you.
Thanks for the kudos, though... it's so nice when somebody gets it.

Congrats on the PA approval - I'm so glad, and hope that will free up some of your time and energy so you can focus on more important things.

Laurie - Thank you! the NaBloPoMo thing was kind of a stretch, and I appreciated the distraction.

Misty Dawn I'm sorry for your flare - I totally feel where you are coming from, though. Flare... yeah. Just, yeah. As for the blog thing, it's hard b/c nobody in my family knows I blog, but I'm always talking about people I meet online... and they kind of look at me as if meeting people online is just another example of my complete freak-ish-ness. Oh well.

Maya's Granny - it is... and since you're one of those ones I treasure, one of the ones I talk about offline a lot, I'll have you know you're part of the reason my family holds out little hope for me. ;)