The Good, The Bad, and the WTF (in reverse order)

So I've got an appointment with Zach that I have to leave for in about 20 minutes, and I've been going over the copy of my medical records they sent to me as I search for a primary care doctor that accepts my health insurance. (He's a specialist; it's a long story.)

I spent about 3 hours going over the last 3 years in blood tests, trying to nail down any patterns I saw, trying to see if we'd addressed any of those patterns, trying to figure out where the hell all the other reports and tests I've had were. (I get the impression this is just a summary of my records, cuz there's a bunch of stuff missing. And the summary cost them $8 to mail.)

I'm full of questions for this appointment...The WTF: I've had abnormally high platelet counts and consistently low MCHC (apparently "Hemoglobulin per red blood cell count") results since I first started seeing him. Have we addressed this? Ever? And what does it mean, exactly to my symptomology?

My liver issue, which I always thought was being controlled, keeps popping up in the test results - high ALT, high AST, hig GGT: Should I be doing more than I am to help this?

And how, in the name of all that is holy did my Bruceillosis Titer go from 11 (which is the highest it can be and still be considered normal) to 12, to 17!?! In less than a year?

Did anybody ever hear that saying that you shouldn't listen at doors because you might hear something you didn't want to? Yeah, well that brings us to the Bad: In his latest dated report, Zach calls me "Significantly obese." I was literally shocked to read that. I know I'm fat. I know I'm about 35 lbs over the weight that I should/want to be at... but to read that as part of my clinical notes was, for whatever reason, shocking.

And it kinda pisses me off a bit too, because I've had doctors who assume that my weight has a lot to do with my exhaustion and pain and inability to walk... and certainly, it's a contributing factor now, but I weighed 122 when I first got sick, I was an athlete - dancer - and I even walked while I was reading. I wasn't overweight (though I always thought I was), and it certainly had shit to do with me being sick. Being sick, on the otherhand? is a direct contributing factor to my weight: Can't move without it hurting (can't exist without it hurting) & exercise makes me pass out... so fabulous! Should be wicked easy to lose weight in those circumstances.

Actually, I lost a ton of weight when I first got sick - when my appetite died, the weight came pouring off of me. There was a lot of talk about an eating disorder, but it was simply that I could not make myself eat food when I constantly felt like puking. It was never in the dangerous category, thankfully, but everybody - my parents and doctors, especially - were worried if not downright scared. About a year into it, something changed, and all of the sudden I had a craving: the only thing I had an appetite for was salt. SALTsaltsaltsaltsalt. It was as if I couldn't exist without it (and turns out, with my low BP, I probably couldn't have).... so they kept telling me to add more salt, to eat even if I felt like throwing up during and after... and it got to the point where I would force myself to eat, as fast as possible to get it overwith without puking midmeal. (nice... hope you aren't eating!)

And my appetite still hasn't returned, but years of not being very active and eating without really caring what I was eating, and yeah: I'm overweight. It's not the way I want to be, and I know there are changes I can - and should - make when it comes to food, but I've got reasons (and probably excuses) about why that hasn't happened yet.

Either way, to see it in print? Shocking - 'significantly obese'? Really? Damn.

On the otherhand, in the Good file, Zach lays it out in black and white, over and over again: "I do not consider her sypmtoms to be psychosomatic, as a previous doctor has suggested" Damn right! "Patient is imprisoned by her symptoms, and desperately needs answers." Check! "Patient is frustrated by lack of progress, and I do not blame her." Hello! "Patient is a kind, caring young woman, and her illness is stealing years off her life. We're going to work with her to help her best cope with her symptoms." Is there any wonder I like him so much?

Now.. off I go. Again.