I kid you not.
File under: things that only happen to me.
So, I've explained before about my whole shower=coma thing... Showering takes so much energy, combined with the intense heat that my muscles require leaves me drained and zonked for a couple of hours.
So, yesterday, after my shower/coma, I started to get dressed again. This takes effort and energy, and I'm still running low on both. I have all the lotion and deodorant and clothes all set out beforehand, for easy assembling. I also have not put my glasses back on yet, because they are over.... there. And I am ... not.
I roll over, grab the deodorant. It's a gel kind, because the glands under my arms are often swollen and sensitive, and with this kind, I don't actually have to use much pressure. Usually, this is a very good thing. But yesterday, not so much.
Because I can't get the stupid cover off. And trying wears me out all over again, so by the time I finally do get the cover off, I have to lie down again.
Which I do. Then I click the little "give-me-more" clicky thing at the bottom, and deodorant comes flying out of the little hole and lands directly in my eyeball.
Holy Lord, the sting!
And, as it is stinging, I am not sure if I should scream or cry or laugh: I have DEODORANT in my EYEBALL! What the heck kind of crap is that?
So, I'm grabbing my eye and telling myself to blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblink, because I know, from working with young children who love to get things in their eyeballs, that this is what you are supposed to do... Your eye's natural instinct is to rid itself of anything that doesn't belong there, hence tears will rush to wash it away. But telling a four-year-old with paint splashed in their eye to blink and making yourself blink while it feels like your eyeball may be on fire are two entirely different things.
I grab my bottle of water and use the little cap as an eye wash, letting the water drip all over the place, because I am still too damn tired to get up, but I have a stinging fire in my eye, so screw the sheets. My brain kicked in just enough to use the other eye to try and read the warnings on the back of the deodorant to see what they say about getting it in your eye.
Surprise, surprise, but there is no such eye warning on deodorant. Because even though the American public is too stupid not to know better than using a toaster in the bathtub, they are apparently smart enough to not get deodorant in their eyes.
Because this kind of shit only happens to me.
Today, my eye is raw looking and red. The kind of bloodshot that makes you not want to look at people ("Peanut, why won't you play with Auntie???") It's still a bit tender, but thankfully lacks the film that was freaking me out last night.
As I write this, all I can think are these two things: a) why am I telling the blogospher what a freak I am? & b)if somebody ever googles this entry, I am not sure if I would be afraid or glad.
So, blogosphere, what kind of crazy is happening in your world?