Sunday, December 30, 2007

Moving right along...

I hope your Christmases were all wonderful: I am trying to take it easy in an attempt to recover from the flare (Is it one long flare now? or a million little ones? I honestly don't know - or care - at this point. I'm sooooooo over the flares, my friends.), but between Christmas, our medical chaos, the birthday Clump and other assorted nonsense, I'm not exactly getting much recuperating done.

To be honest, I am sick of thinking about everything. About me, about my grandmother, my aunt, my brother, his kids, my mum, any and all of my sisters.... just the whole dang thing. I would like a long, extended vacation from all drama, but that does not look to be on the menu. And so, we deal.

And I have to say that coming here, reading all of you, well, it helps me to remember that I'm not the only one dealing... that we're all just taking our own tiny steps, getting through each day. And it's good to feel not so alone.

Looking forward at 2008: I'm not usually big on resolutions. I have trouble holding myself accountable for arbitrary things, and generally, if a change is necessary, I tend to try to deal with it then, not wait for the new year to roll around. (I don't always manage to do that, but I try.) So I don't usually do a list of resolutions, and I don't think I'll do one this year either, but I want to do something. I need... something. I want to say control, but that's not exactly it. I need... some, power, maybe? In my own life.

IDK, exactly what I am trying to say. I feel so... swept away. Like I have so little say in what is happening in my life - from my illness, to where I live, to how I spend my day. To the illnesses of the people I love, to how other people's actions and behaviors influence me, to ... just, so many things, large and small. Time is passing, days and months and years, and I feel: stuck.

Not always, not every day and in everyway, but tonight, and lately... it feels overwhelming.

And so.

And so, I'm thinking of adopting the very wise idea I first read about at But You Don't Look Sick. Spoon Theory author and website founder, Christine Miserandino talks about picking just one word: a theme for the new year. It's an achievable and encompassing goal, to my way of thinking. It allows for both specifics and generalizations... a word that has meaning to me and can be easily remembered when I am faced with something that I feel like I need to change.

Of course, now I need to pick a word: a keyword that will help to guide me through what will most likely be a trying (and downright difficult year). I've got a few words rattling around in my head tonight, I'm going to let them simmer a bit more, and then settle on one.

Meanwhile, I'm interested to see if you all are resolution-ers, or if the start of the new year is just another day of you.


Jo said...

I hadn't planned on making any resolutions because I can never stick to the darn things but I like the keyword idea. I'm going to have to get my butt over to BYDLS and read up on this. :)

I hope 2008 brings you less pain and more joy. Oh and a good deep tissue massage therapist. LOL

The Goldfish said...

Happy New Year, NTE! No strong resolutions this year, but I am looking forward to the fresh start.

I hope that 2008 is an easier year for you and all your family; you guys have certainly been through the mill in the last few months.

Good luck with the word. :-)

Maya's Granny said...

I haven't done resolutions in years. If something needs changing, it needs it when it needs it and anything that could wait till the holiday doesn't need changing all that much.
But, I like to decide on one new thing I want to do in my apartment. And for this year, I am going to get a nice stand to put beside my bed for my CPAP machine to sit on, instead of the plastic milk carton it sits on now.

Rick said...

A Happy New Year to you. Check out the give-away on my blog. I think that you'll be glad you did.

Never That Easy said...

Jo - More joy and less pain sounds ideal... but just the thought of a deep tissue massage makes me want to cry. I know it helps some fibromites, but for me, that sounds like torture.

Goldfish - The New Year better shape up, that's all I've got to say for it!

Maya's Granny - A new bookcase would work: PLUS you'd have extra space for books! Doubly positive!

Rick - Welcome! I missed the giveaway, sadly, but it's nice to see you here!