"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea"*

Day 15: Something/one you couldn't live without because you've tried living without it.

If you don't know me, this is going to sound ... odd, but my answer is salt. And I'm not just talking about "biologically, sodium is a requirement for blah blah blah..." I'm talking about, I am legitimately hooked on salt.

Back when I first got sick, I lost my appetite. It happened suddenly, just overnight: Flip: Food is not appealing anymore. And so, I stopped eating. I had some very large rows with my parents about this, at the time, turning the dinner table into yet another place where I didn't want to be because nobody understood me. (Please also remember that I was 15-16, and that did not help things.) After a while, and a lot of weight lost, I woke up from a nap one day suddenly craving salt. Not food, not salty food, just SALT. I had to have it, as much as possible, as quickly as possible.

Since my mother quickly ix-nayed my pouring entire piles of salt in my hand and licking it off (even though I did it when she wasn't looking), she started stockpiling salty foods, in an effort to get me to eat something. At first, I just kept licking the salt off of things like Saltines and Tostitos, but eventually, I would up eating them too. And although my appetite never fully returned, I started to be able to stomach foods and meals again.

But the salt craving never went away. It was so bad that first Christmas that my brother bought me one of these for Christmas:


Yeah, that's a brick of salt. He found it at an animal supply store, and that's where I found this picture, too. I guess you use it for horses. It is literally a brick made of salt.

And it was supposed to be a joke.

But if you think I didn't chip off little cubes of salt to stick in my pocket and pop in my mouth whenever I wanted them, then you haven't been paying attention to this post at all.

Waaay back, probably about 4 years into this ridiculousness, a doctor thought that my salt cravings would prove to be the answer to all my problems: I obviously had whatever disease of the week she was studying that had salt cravings as a symptom. (I think, and I wasn't paying much attention, but I think it had to do with Cortisol? or cortisone, or something like that.) Anyways, it turned out not to be the problem that I had, and that doctor dropped me like a hot potato.

Since then, the general consensus among the doctors is that salt is good for me! Fluid retention is important in orthostatic intolerance, and your body is trying to make up for what you're not getting naturally! It'll help raise your blood pressure! So, I stay on the salt.

But here at Grandmother's house, with her post stroke low-sodium diet? I am sneaking it like it's crack. Hiding actual-salt Saltines in my room, and putting the salt shaker behind my glass at dinner. I have tried going without it, because I feel SO GUILTY when Grandmother looks up from her plate to see me adding more salt to my mashed potatoes (who can eat salt-less mashed potatoes????), but it just does. not. work. for. me. (Mum says my currently unexplained hives could be a symptom of sodium withdrawal, but that's just because she thinks she's funny.)

So that's that: Nothing heavy, just salt. Now, I would pay you a pretty sum if you could manage to sneak some Pringles in here....




*Isak Dinesen
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself