The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we*

Day 10: Someone you need to let go or wish you didn't know

I wish I didn't know so many doctors. Nothing personal, but I could really do with knowing less of them, (or none at all?) and, today, one in particular. One who is doing a whole lot of nuthin, and contributing such gems as "stress can cause hives, you know" or "you're so young to be in a wheelchair" but nothing, that might be considered even slightly, you know, helpful. Not a substantive suggestion in the bunch, just a lot of babbling about "if it gets worse, maybe you should come in and see me..." Even as she was implying that coming in to see her would net me absolutely nothing in the way of a result.

And after sixteen years, I think I definitely need to be quicker to let go of doctors who - while not perhaps actively doing me harm - are also not helping me. Regardless of the fact that it is ridiculous and annoying to have to start all over again with a new doctor, who wants to repeat all the tests you've already had three ways till Sunday. I need to realize that - while there might not be any answers to be have, when you've got such "mysterious" maladies as CFIDS - if you're not helping me, you're hurting me. There's a lot more that they could/should be doing, and if I have to keep searching, I'll keep searching.

So, you're on notice, current primary care "physician": If you're not more helpful the next time I call (and just a free hint for you: Saying "Well, have you tried Tylenol?" after I've already told you that I could take an entire bottle of the damn things and they might as well be M&Ms for all the good they do me is Not. Helping.), then I'm letting you go. For me.


*Mimi Guarneri, The Heart Speaks: A Cardiologist Reveals the Secret Language of Healing
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Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself