Monday, December 07, 2009

I took a couple of days off

from posting. I was in a mood/trying to get things accomplished in real life/fighting off a cold/sick of my own voice/frustrated with the entire world/take your pick. I am still most of those things, come to think of it.
I had to reschedule my appointment with Zack that was supposed to be on Wednesday (now it's February 1st... sigh) because of snow and a car that won't work, and feeling generally like crap (but not crappy enough to necesitate seeing him immediately), and I am disappointed about rescheduling it because I really wanted to talk to him. I am getting some Christmas shopping done online, but not enough. I am getting some decorating done, but, again, not enough.

And I know I am the only one putting all this pressure on myself, and that makes me even more frustrated.

I like to give myself all this credit for all of the adaptations I make in order to live with my illnesses, and I talk a good game about how you have to listen to your body and know your limits, but sometimes I can't help but be my own worst enemy. Christmas time - with it's clump of surrounding birthdays and all the 'essentials' of the season - seems to erase all of my logical decision making skills.

Should I work for 10 hours straight on scrapbook pages, because it is too much work to clean off my bed and then take it all out again? Of course I should! Should I volunteer to make something else for somebody, even though I haven't finished the 12 other projects I've got going? Of course I should! Is it ok if the kids sleep over from now until Christmas? Of course it is! Should I add another pie, and two more types of cookies to the list of things I want to bake next week? Definitely! Should I go to the mall, with all the germy people? Should I forget to eat and take my pills because I am too busy? Should I drop everything because someone else needs me to do something else I hadn't planned on doing? Absolutely, without a doubt!

Sorry for the grouchiness... I'm definitely not a Grinch, as Christmas makes me feel warm and fuzzy. It's more that I need to realize I can't do all of the things I want to do, and I need to cut myself some slack on letting things go.
Should I just wrap myself up in the fuzzy blanket, have a cup of hot chocolate, and try to take a nap? Now that's a pressure I can cave under.


Sue Jackson said...

All so very well said! You've perfectly described how I'm feeling, too. I finally starting my shopping today (online) and made a list, so I feel just slightly more in control, but my throat hurts, so I probably did too much today. So why am I on the computer now???

I think you have the right idea - blanket, cocoa, nap!


Laurie said...

Very well said, NTE! Everything is a compromise, never more so than this time of year.

Thinking of you...