And that's because it's not the good kind of flair. I think we all know I'm running pretty low on that kind of flair... well, maybe you don't since you can't see me, but anyone in my actual life would laugh hysterically at the mere suggestion that I have style of anykind. Fashion is so not my forte.
But Flare? Sadly, I've got flare to spare.
I'm talking Fibro Flare, my friends. As in flare-up of symptoms.
I know I haven't really gone into depth here about my illnesses, (partly because I don't want this to be just a "sick blog" and partly because I haven't figured out exactly what to say), but since I've been out of commission for about a week due to a major flare, and have probably lost any readers who were coming here with any regularity anyways, I figured what the hell.
So - What the heck am I talking about?
Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition that has a wide variety of symptoms, and, sadly, no cure or regularlized treatment plan. Basically what this means is that there are about a million and a half ideas about what causes it or how it could be treated, but, right now, no proven cause or effect or cure.
And I've got it. (And a couple of other particularly nasty things. But let's focus on Fibro for today, shall we?)
When you're dealing with a chronic illness, you have a baseline - a level of "normal" that you exist at in whatever way you can. Over the course of my illness (12 years this October ... crap), I've had a lot of different baselines. I've been completely bedridden, able to go to school full days, able to go to school half days, hospitalized, able to attend college full-time, able to attend part-time, etc.
For the past year or so, my overall baseline had been improving: I've been moving up from almost complete bedrest to a semi-mobile lifestyle. I have to use a wheelchair to get around, can't stay up right for too long (about 2 hours is my max), but I was able to participate in some of the more minor triumphs of everyday life: getting dressed, eating at the table instead of from bed, baking a pie at Thanksgiving.
It hasn't been exactly fabulous, but it was a bit better than I had been. I've been coping - And then last week.... Total crash.
I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't... anything.
Pain was my whole existence for about 5 days.
And I haven't exaggerated that in anyway. I mean exactly that: for 5 days, nothing existed besides pain. Every lymph node in my body was swollen, every muscle ached as if I'd stretched them to their breaking points. My face was just a ball of fire - cheeks flushed such a bright red that my mother could see in the dark.
And I have no idea what set it off this time: as usual, I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. But I've managed to pick up yet another infection somehow (I think from the Doc's office, since that's the only place I ever go), and it ran me over.
The only plus has been how quickly I've improved: I've had severe flares last for months, and this one is already improving. (as evidenced by the fact that I had enough focus and energy to turn on the computer and hammer this out today - even if it did take me more than 5 hours to finish it).
I've heard that the blogosphere is a fickle place - that you can lose your readers if you don't post often and regularly. I suppose that could be true, and I'd rather not find out, but I can honestly say the word blog didn't even occur to me until yesterday - a good week after my last post. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping that people will wind up here and be interested enough to stick it out with me.
I'm feeling a bit better, as I said, so I doubt it'll be too long before the next post, but if you've got some time, you might want to check out these sites about fibromyalgia.