Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I can't get anything done today

although... that's not actually true. I have done some things, just not the things I should've done. This is not exactly a surprise, as generally what I plan to do on any given day doesn't really wind up being what I do on those particular days. Usually through no fault of my own.

Today was supposed to be a Lil Girl day, but Lil Girl's mother called this morning and said she wasn't coming. She's fine; STB-Sister-in-law just would like to change our days of the week.

Umm... what?

It's not so much that we can't change our days, it's how about asking? How about having a conversation about it? Since, you know, it's something that we're doing that's helpful to you (and extremely joyful and great for us, but still demanding), how about having the courtesy of letting us know before a half an hour before you're supposed to show up? And... just, I don't know: I may just be making more of it than is necessary, but it really feels pretty shitty to be taken for granted.

So, right now, I'm supposed to be writing an e-mail to STB-Sister-in-law, to have our discussion about the changes: the why, the details, the how it can't start tomorrow because I've got an appointment with Zach, etc., and instead I'm ranting a little bit here, because I'm afraid if I write the e-mail right now it'll say something like "I've been doing my very best to help you raise your kids for the past 8 years, and it's brought me more joy than I've ever known. It's also been extremely difficult at times - especially health wise - and, on a lot of occasions, I've done more than I should have, more than was smart, or healthy, for me, and I've done it (sometimes even against doctors' advice) because I love and care about them, and you, and my brother and because it's important to me to be the best aunt possible. I'm not looking for special thanks, or big cheers; but I don't really think it's out of line to expect just the tiniest bit of consideration in return."

Which I don't really want to say, because it sounds horrible. And it says more than it should (I don't really care if the doctors tell me I should do less: it's not as if I'm going to listen to them anyways... they don't know anything), and it feels more mean spirited just reading it back to myself than it did just writing it. So, yes, it blows the whole thing out of proportion, and yes, I'm glad I could rant a little here, so I didn't just blurt it out to her.

But seriously, people? Just because I want to help doesn't mean you can walk all over me. Assuming I'll just fall in line isn't really fair to me (or Mum, whose POV I totally didn't even write about here, but also just pisses me off even more so now I'll have to calm down again), and it would be nice if I didn't have to point that out to you.

End Rant.

Deep Breath.


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