Showing posts with label Laugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laugh. Show all posts

Friday, July 30, 2010

Oops...

In the course of reading why Feminism is a tool of Satan (really), and how it's a horrible thing for our society, I came across this older article from December 2002. Written by Phyllis Schlafly, it's about "Feminist Fantasies" and how feminist organizations are out to ruin the world with their nefarious "equality" plots and demands - words like emasculating, sabotage, and radical litter the entire thing. It's pretty nauseating, actually. (Schlafly's public record - being one of the chief opponents to the ERA, her pro-death penalty for minors stance, and her paleoconservate views - weren't exactly benefits to the article's cause either, for me.)

At one point she's talking about the National Council of Women's Organizations fight to make the Augusta National Golf Club (home of the Masters tournament) truly a coed organization. She, of course, disapproves and is lauding the efforts of the club's owner to prevent this from happening. In the course of the discussion, she says (emphasis mine):
The feminists tried to use Tiger Woods, who won the Masters in 2002 for the third time, as a prop in their publicity stunt to advance their special-interest agenda. When asked what he thinks about Augusta National's rules, Tiger replied with the good sense that has made him a star and a role-model: "They're entitled to set up their own rules the way they want them.


Don't you just hate it when something you've written comes back to bite you on the ass? I wasn't buying anything she was saying up till that point (shocker - I actually think feminism is a good thing!), but after that, I just couldn't help laughing. Really, really hard.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Some more off-topic, lighthearted linkage to share, since I'm still not feeling awesome. As I was sifting through my Google Reader, I found a link I thought I'd share. These are from a pretty hysterical site called "Dear Girls Above Me", and are a couple of my favorite lines from a downstairs neighbor to the ditzy girls upstairs.

Dear Girls Above Me,

I’m sorry you sprained your ankle and “aren’t hot anymore” but Chanel crutches don’t exist…yet. Thanks for another golden idea. 6/1/10

Last night u held something called a ‘trash mag partaaay’. Is that like a book club for the illiterate? 3/2/10

Our building doesn’t have a ghost “trapped in the walls on Thurs & Fri.” Its just street cleaning. 2/18/10

Just because a guy looked at you funny on the street, doesn’t mean you’re living in The Truman Show" 1/13/10

Monday, May 24, 2010

O...K: that's different

Here are a couple more things that have caught my eye (via my Google Reader):

I don't care much for Russel Crowe, but I kinda have a crush on Scott Grimes, from way back in Critters, so I thought this was cute.

If you are not reading Sleep Talking Man, you are really missing out on some high quality, English-accented cussing. While asleep.

I want:

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Some things to keep us busy

Since I don't know when I'll be posting next, I've got a couple of random posts in the queue to share... Mostly stuff that's popped up in my Google Reader that I think you should be aware of. The first is the latest batch of MLIAs that have caught my attention:

I'm a student teacher for a kindergarten class at a local elementary school, and today the lesson plan was about honesty, so the head teacher asked one of our students, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Why do you think that his father didn't punish him?" The student replied, "Because George still had the axe in his hand." That was epic. MILA


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and giggle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. MLIA.

Today in class, my professor had stapled McDonalds applications to the tests of all the people who failed. MLIA.

Today we had silent reading time in my sophomore english class. Ten minutes it, I notice that nobody else was reading and the entire class was staring at me. I was then informed that when I read silently, I'm really reading out loud with accents, facial expressions, and different voices for each character. My teacher has decided that we will no longer have silent reading time, and I have been volunteered to host "story-time" for the first 30 minutes of each class. MLIA

In my Ecology class I sit in front of this guy whom never talks. ON this particular day he was staring at the fish tank. Then he looked up at me said said with a serious face. "you think i would get in trouble if I slapped the teacher with that fish?" MLIA.

Today, I was on a flight. One of the three flight attendents said before taking off, "Hello, I'm Cindy, I'll be one of your flight attendents today. The others serving you are my ex-husband, Steve, and his new wife, Becky. We are going to turn the lights off now because Steve looks so much better in the dark. Have a nice flight!" I could not stop laughing. MLIA.


Today I walked into a horrid break up, I was really upset for the girlfriend when the boyfriend said "Im dumping you because Im too good for you." But I couldnt stop smiling when she replied, "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass." Whoever you are, I salute you. MLIA.

Today, I was in my American History class, and the teacher was auctioning donuts to prove a point. The bidding was up to sixteen dollars for a dozen when one guy yells "My eternal soul." To which the teacher responded, "I don't think you understand that I'm looking for something worth more than sixteen dollars." Not only is he now my favorite teacher, he also just earned a spot amongst my hall of fame of awesome people. MLIA

Today, I had to sell chocolate bars for my school club. Instead of calling them chocolate bars I called them Dementor Bars with the slogan, "Your best deference against Dementors!". I was the top seller. MLIA


Today in class we were watching the 6th Harry Potter movie when it came to the part where everyone raises there wands cuz Dumbledore died my whole class raised there pencils including the teacher who looked like she was going to cry and my best friend had the most serious face ever. i love my class MLIA


Today my mom was reading through my 13 year old sisters disclosure document for one of her classes. One part of the document asks parents to tell the teacher a little bit about their child. My mom proudly wrote, "Paisley believes she is preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse and spends her extra time building tunnels from our house to Costco, Wal-Mart, and Home Depot so she will be fully prepared." MLIA.


Last year, a girl I babysit was graduating from preschool. When up on stage, they asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, and with a smile on her face she told the whole audience she wanted to work at Mcdonald's. After the presentation was over, her mom asked her if that was really what she wanted to do and she replied in all seriousness "No, I really want to be a paleontologist but I just wanted to see the look on your face!" She was 3 at the time. I was proud. MLIA


Well, I hope those gave you some chuckles. I hope to be back soon, but enjoy the filler (entertaining filler! I promise!) in the meantime.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

"I Love the World/And I Want to Lay Down"

"I love the world

it is so beautiful.

I love the world

every single day.

I love the world

when I was a little boy,

when I was a little girl,

when I was a little tiny baby.

I love the world

and I want to lay down.

I love the world

when I am a grown-up.

I love the world

and when I was a grown-up

I will be a teacher."

~ This is the song LilGirl made up for us the other day, which she then sang whilst spinning around in circles in the kitchen, waiting patiently for lunch to be served. The song includes what is probably my favorite line of lyrics ever, which I have used for this post title. Also, I have no idea where the whole teacher thing came from, except that if it were true (rather than the ramblings of a hyped up, loves to sing songs with nonsense words like "doobalala", 3 year-old), it would make her the fourth generation of teachers in our family. Which is nice and all, but I sure hope she decides to be a billionaire instead. Billionaires can teach.

Monday, July 20, 2009

:)

Yesterday was my grandmother's 92nd birthday, and I spent today in bed recovering- hence the late Best Shot, but it's still Monday, at least! The party was great - nobody bickered (or if they did, I didn't know about); there were munchkins for everyone to coo over, food for everyone to eat, and fun for everyone to have.
Grandmother was almost in tears twice - once because of truly heartfelt gift and once because of a truly hilarious gag gift.

Everybody should have a grandmother who requests a weapon for her next birthday, who'll help you search when your sippy cup goes missing (poor Baby O, we still didn't find it!), who'll tell you the potato salad was wonderful even though you know it was too dry.

Who'll sit through a long-winded cousin's story without rolling her eyes, but commiserate with you when you tell her you were thinking of rolling down the porch steps to escape.

Who gets a kick out of her children, her children's children, and their children ~ who you always know is watching, listening, and is guaranteed to catch you in the act.

Who manages to love with her whole heart, even if people sometimes don't notice.

So, in honor of the day, I've been saving this picture from a couple of weeks ago: Happy Birthday, Grandmother ~ many happy returns!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"But I want the pickle..."



Celebrity Jeopardy, as portrayed by SNL, is one of my go-tos when I need a laugh. I couldn't be happier that there was one I hadn't seen yet. :) Hope it gives you a giggle too.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Roundup

I'm sorry: what?

Parrot honored for saving toddler. really.

Yes, he really did paint that on his parents' roof.

Toddlers do listen: they just do it later than we'd like.

Tell me that is not awesome. Dare you.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Happy Pi Day!

I don't have any pies, but I've got some links and quotes and clips for you.

As You Wish


Chloe took it in studiously, matter-of-factly. It wasn’t magic to her. She was a child; everything was magic. All phenomena were at once amazing and just what you’d expect. P301-2 Patricia Gaffney, Mad Dash


(via Office Tally)


MAL: Sure, it’s humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (Stabs Atherton in the side.) Guess I’m just a good man. (Stabs him again.) Well, I’m all right. Firefly

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My love for Celebrity Jeopardy

Seriously, people... Celebrity Jeopardy is SO awesome because they make the questions ridiculously easy to answer in order to make the celebrities look smart. Which is probably not all that easy. Tonight's episode included exactly two questions to which I did not readily know the answer. It also included a question under the category of "Weeds" that mentioned the word 'tumble' to which the answer was "tumbleweeds," so you shouldn't be all that impressed. But it sure does make me feel smart. :D

I also have a deep and abiding love for all the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy parody skits, particularly those with Sean Connery.



I don't know if it's Celebrity-fied again tomorrow night (Alex was talking about Tournament of Champions, which is the exact opposite of Celebrity Jeopardy and makes me feel pretty dumb, usually), but you should try to catch it if it is.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

This is the somee-card I sent to SisterK last week, she got a chuckle out of it, thought you might too.





Sacriligious, right? Yeah, but still. Can't you just see it? Or facebook
Christ is ... unable to update as he's spending some time in the desert.
Christ is ... washing my peeps' feets and then chowing down.
Christ is ... not too pleased with Judas.
Christ is ... taking some wood up the hill.
Christ is ...
Christ is ... Back, y'all!

:D

Thursday, February 26, 2009

"What are you a f@)%&* wizard?"

Did you all catch the Daily Show last night? (If not, why not? People: watch The Daily Show. Always.)

Jon's take on Obama's speech, nearly had me in tears....





"Have you met America?"

Although, because of my utter hatred for mayonnaise, I was having a hard time deciding whether I should laugh or gag.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Not what you expect at a birthday party, that's for sure.

So we had a big Clump Pt 1 party today (with about half of the clump being born between November and the end of the year, and the other half being born in January or February) and it went alright. I wound up doing too much, trying to run things that I should let other people run, but at least today I realized I was doing it and made myself take steps backwards. It's tough, though to see Lil Girl and Youngest Nephew behave so differently when their parents are around and not want to step in and say "No: that's not acceptable - at least not at our house!"

From the unexpected developments category, however, comes the following anecdote:

There's about 8 of us sitting around the table playing bullshit, when SisterCh looks over at the bedroom door and asks "Why is that door opening?" It shuts immediately, but I've seen the little face and the tiny fingers that caused the opening/shutting and am stunned: those little fingers, that little face belong to a little girl who is supposedly napping.

In her playpen.

That's right, Lil Girl had climbed out of her playpen, I still don't know how. All she could tell me afterwards is that she "Jumped". I don't think that's exactly the right word, but it certainly tells us that someone is ready to nap on a bed (which we haven't done before because this is a child who needs boundaries and the edge of a bed means very little. However, if the walls of a crib are also going to mean very little, the edge of a bed is a safer useless boundary.)

Oh, but wait: that's not all.

I went in to try to get her to go to sleep, and rather quickly figured out the reason that she wasn't sleeping: A pungently poopy pull-up.

Which she had left in her playpen, before her "jumping" out.

So, there she is bare-assed, and she says "I did pee pees" and let me tell you that I almost panicked, thinking about all the places she could have peed in my parents' bedroom, before she proudly towed me to the "big girl" (toddler) potty that is in there.

She had peed, so I put her up on the bed, and wiped her, got a new pull up on.

Surely that is the happy ending to our story? No? No.

I shut off the light and tried to get her to lay down again. She sat in my lap, and we rocked to the lullabies, and she gently caressed my face.

The odor of the poop was still pretty strong, though, so I asked her if she'd pooped again. "No."

I played with her hair, she played with mine.

Still: the smell.

And then a terrible thought occurred to me:

"Lil Girl, did you touch the poo poo with your handies?"

"No"

A big sigh of relief....

"No," she says, wiggling her hand in my face: "just my fingers."

Monday, October 13, 2008

We may be overdoing it a bit...

Since I've been lucky enough to be an Auntie, as far back as Oldest Nephew (who just turned 12!), one of my favorite things to do with our kiddos has been introducing them to things I love. Getting to expose them to the joys of reading or poetry; to watch their faces when a science experiment goes off without a hitch; to let them use the expensive stickers and see the pride they have in what they've created - it's just one of the best things in my life.

When it comes to TV & movies, I've been lucky enough to hook Youngest Nephew on Indiana Jones & the Dinosaurs TV show, to scare Oldest Nephew with a great white shark, and to re experience the joys (and cringe at some of the realities, but that's another post) of the Disney universe through the eyes of all three of them.

Lil Girl is only here 2 days a week right now, but she's been slowly shortening the amount of time she'll nap, little by little every other week or so, leaving us with a nice chunk of morning time to do something restful and quiet like watching a movie. The rule is one movie, or one hour of TV, total for the day, which Lil Girl doesn't like at all, as the TV is constantly on at her house, but I can't use it as background noise like they do, because background noise makes me want to claw my ears off.

During the past few weeks, we've been slowly working our way through our Disney catalogue, starting with Ariel because she's got an old Ariel figurine that used to be SisterCh's. We went from Ariel to Cinderella, bounced over to Peter Pan & Aladdin, did a little Monster's Inc. (I forgot how cute Boo is!) & Toy Story; sat through the beginning of 101 Dalmatians 3 times, and, most recently, dug out Beauty and the Beast from its hiding place. We also have a ton of Disney books, so she's read a lot of the stories, even if she hasn't seen them on screen yet.



But, while playing with some more of those old action figures this week, I got a little hint that we may be bombarding her with a few too many story lines.


She had her Aladdin figure in one hand and I asked her what happened if I rubbed on his magic lamp.

Apparently, when you rub Aladdin's lamp, a "Crocodile comes out and eats off your hand, like Captain Hook."

Not exactly the Genie I was hoping for, but thanks for the fair warning, kiddo.

This is My Best Shot Monday post, head on over to Mother May I for a bunch more.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Books I've read (today) and now you must too

After a particularly crappy few days, there is nothing better than reading a good book (or two, or three...)
A phone call that cost me $300 and a computer that refuses to load AOL (I know: but I've been on AOL since 1997. Also, I have 6500 emails in my saved folder. I keep promising myself as soon as I clean that out I can switch to something else. But I haven't yet.) started my day off not so fabulously.

But then I galloped & scurried my way through two excellent childrens books, and now my mood is much improved.

First I picked up Clementine by Sara Pennypacker, which arrived only yesterday, and was, therefore, the handiest book in the room. As soon as I read this dedication by the illustrator, Marla Frazee, I knew I was in for a treat: "To my big brother, Mark Frazee, who thinks I'm an idiot." C'mon now - if that doesn't make you laugh, then you are an only child.

Clementine reminds me of all the books I read when I was in fourth grade: The Ingalls girls, the Babysitters that never seemed to do much babysitting, even some of those dopey R. L. Stine heroines. Most of all, she reminded me of Ramona Quimby, a personal favorite of mine, who never seemed to realize she was heading for trouble in time to stop, and who made everyday seem exciting, even if she just wound up getting punished, because at least she'd done something worth getting punished over. In that way, Clementine and Ramona would have been best friends, had their two book worlds ever collided.

Everyone around her seems to think that Clementine's problem is that she doesn't pay attention, but the real problem is that nobody else is paying as much attention as she is. She pays attention to every.little.thing, but it never seems to be the things she's supposed to be paying attention to. The book covers one week in Clementine's life - although I just found out there are two additional books in the series, so yay! - and if this one week is anything to go by, Clementine my just be the most exciting person to be near, ever.

Best of all though? She's hilarious. You know me, if a book is funny, I will read it. Even if the plot is slow or meanders, even if the action is weak or the heroine is to meek and mild, I will read it just for the funny. Fortunately, this book has a strong plot, a fabulous heroine, great supporting characters (including a best friend with strict rules, two loving, caring parents, and a little brother who needs a vegetable name - which Clementine is, of course, happy to provide), and awesome illustrations. Most of all though, it's got the funny. I will give you a sample of some of Clementine's words of wisdom, because I know that some of you don't understand that reading childrens books is not just for children, and I may have to coax you into it a little bit. We've had this argument before, people, (see Harry Potter Posts) but I am willing to continue until I convince you.

"But I couldn't tell them this, because an important part of pretending to be asleep is not talking."

"But I didn't spin him again, because he throws up on the second ride and somebody has to clean it up which is N-O-T, not me. This is called Being Responsible."

"She scrubbed so hard she probably made a hole right through my head skin and my head bone, and now everybody can see right into my brains and I'd better not do any more cartwheels."


and my favorite, although a bit longer, is this interaction between Clementine and her principal:

"I can't help it," I said, before she could start the little chat. "I'm allergic to sitting still."

"Nobody is allergic to sitting still, Clementine," she said.

"I am," I said. "My brother is allergic to peanuts. If he eats one he gets all itchy and swelled up and he can't breathe right. If I try to sit still I get all itchy and swelled up and I can't breathe right. So that means I'm allergic to sitting still."

Mrs. Rice squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead. I happen to know this means This idea is so bad it's giving me a headache, because it's the face I make when my mother tells me to visit Mrs. Jacobi. The face never works for me."



Hilarious, no? There's nothing better than when a character thinks like you think, and Clementine could've been hatched in my 8-yr-old brain (I know this because I still often think that way).

The second book I picked up, oh 2 years ago? and finally read this morning because I know they're making a movie out of it and if I see the movie first, it'll ruin the book for me. (The inverse is not true, however: don't ask me why.) The Tale of Despereaux is a book about the power of stories, the power of love and the power of soup.

The main character, Desperaux, is a mouse of small stature, few mouse-like instincts, and very little importance in his family or community. He does not behave as a mouse should, he does not look like a mouse should, and he does not know why he should want to do either of those things. Instead of nibbling on books, he reads them. Instead of cowering from noise, he explores it. Instead of fearing humans, he falls in love with one. And that is where his story intersects with those of a princess, a serving girl, and a rat whose broken heart mended incorrectly.

It's full of action and adventure, plot twists and poignancy. I can't imagine that a reader - be they 8 (like Youngest Nephew who will be getting this book for Christmas) or 28 (which is close enough to how old I am) - would walk away unsatisfied by this book. It's about interconnectedness, bravery, and what it means to be true to yourself, but it's about all of those things without being preachy or heavy handed, and remains entertaining from beginning to end.

So there are two, not exactly brand new, recommendations for childrens books you should read. There are very few people who can't use a good dose of what good childrens literature can provide: a laugh, a little compassion, empathy, & understanding; conflicts and conflict resolutions; engaging characters, smart dialogue; and best of all they're QUICK and Easy to Read. So pick up a book, marketed to children, today. Because there's a lot of great stuff out there, and if you just pass by it thinking "that's for kids", you're really missing out.

Besides, if you happen to have kids in your life, you can always tell yourself that you're reading it before you pass it on to them to make sure it's appropriate. Which, you should always do! Because a) some things are not appropriate for your particular child and b) if you know what your kid is reading than you can talk about it together, which is just a fabulous thing. The only thing better than reading a great book is sharing that great book with somebody else: I promise.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Toddler Tango

Lil Girl has entered one of the most exciting and one of the most frustrating stages of toddlerhood: the why stage.

"Time for breakfast!" "Why?"

"Would you like to paint today? "Why?"

"Look, there's a tree." "Why?"

"Auntie is going to lose her mind today." "Why?"

And there's really no answer that will satisfy her, because it's not so much about the answer - most times she doesn't even wait for you to get through the first little bit of the answer before she asks "Why?" again - it's all about the question.

Sometimes the questions are valid, but that doesn't mean they don't get old quick - "We're going shopping today." "Why?" "Cuz you need some new shoes." "Why?" "Cuz your old shoes are falling apart and Auntie hates your new Crocs." "Why?" "Because they don't fit your feet right." "Why?" "Oh my sweet lord... Look honey, we're going for a ride in Grammy's car... Yay!" "Yay!"

Because I was trained in Early Childhood Ed, I know all the theories and stages and whatnot behind the 'why's, and I have more than a few tricks of the trade up my sleeves, but mostly, as with most things involving the under 5 set, you just have to give them something else to focus on before you resort to the dreaded "Because I SAID SO, that's why!"

But just when you think you'll lose the very last little bit of your patience, they do something so adorably cute that you just melt instead.

Lil Girl has that down pat. The other day instead of asking why, she started asking "Why cuz?" That little angelic face looks up at you and asks "Why cuz, Auntie?" and you just have to smile. She's a quick thinker, that one. (We think she realizes that if she asks why the answer is usually "cuz" so she squished them together: how smart is that??)

So I'm off to spend the majority of my day thinking up answers to the endless why cuzes... wish me luck!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Hello My Lovelies!

Laptop is still being uncooperative, but I managed to get back here again, so I thought I'd check in.

I wanted to tell you how the shower went last Saturday, in case you were waiting with baited breath.

Honestly? It went rather well... my co-hostesses were a bit lax in the whole "you have to introduce yourself to people" arena, but other than that, and a mini-post crash, I think things went awesome.

SisterJ and her fiance seemed a little bit surprised (although I'm not entirely sure they were), and most importantly, everybody had fun. So that's good.

How about some photographic proof of said fun? I thought you might like that...

Here we are in the car... I'm taking pictures because we're running late. AGAIN. And I'm trying not to go crazy. (I am an early bird, in a family of never-on-time-s.) That's Sister Y, Oldest Nephew, & Sister Ch...



Lil Girl, hiding for the chance to say 'surprise;'

Here are the soon to be Mr. & Mrs. playing a who knows who best game:

Can you guess who's winning?




Then there were some presents:





We did cake smooshing, because Sister J is VERY MUCH OPPOSED to doing it at the wedding...




Which turns out to be a good thing.


There's a few more still to come, but overall, I thought it went really well! (Note to self, however: if you're planning on playing games, bring pencils. Don't leave them on your desk.)

(You can click on over to my Flickr Stream to see more: if we're not friends, let's be!)