Zoinks!

The current funniest thing about my work in progress is that I have no idea how 12 year old girls curse. And my main character, as well as her former best-friend/current nemesis, are both twelve year old girls who are provided with many opportunities to curse (even though we're only about 4 chapters into the story).

So, instead of swearing outright  - which, probably? is what 12 year-olds do? - I mean I realize my 13-year-old nephew probably has a truck driver's mouth around his friends,  but here I must give my standard "I don't really like cursing, and was a total goodie two shoes as a child, and probably didn't curse in my head, let alone out loud until I was graduating from high school" explanation*. 

Either way, for right now, in the NaNoWriMo flurry of words, I'm inserting different ridiculous made up curses, like "Shnikies" and "Zoinks."

So, basically, my two main characters sound like they are directly out of a Scooby Doo cartoon. Eventually, when the time for editing comes, this will become a problem.  Right now? It's making the re-reads pretty freaking hilarious.


*If you have any opinions on what curses are popular with the tween-set, please, feel free to share them in the comments. 

Just a little thought -

Third day, and I'm sharing a tip I've seen a few other places, but I've got a different reasoning, so I figure it's fair game.

When I mentioned on Tumblr that I was participating in NaNoWriMo, a couple of people contacted me to give encouragement, ask what I was planning to write, etc.  Given that most of what I post there is chronic illness/spoonie related, it will come as no surprise that many of these private messages came from other spoonies. During one of these conversations I mentioned that I was going to try to front-load as much writing as I could manage in the first week or so, because I will - without a doubt - 1) have low/no spoon days; 2) get sick at some point (to varying degrees of sickness, but hopefully nothing serious; 3) want to spend time doing something other than write - like eat on Thanksgiving, or spend some time with either of my November birthday-girl sisters; 4) have days when writing is just not happening or other things are much more interesting and words are stupid; or 5) days when you have other commitments and just don't see how to squeeze some writing in.

Now, I've seen this tip in relation to issues #3-5 - I won't be the only NaNo participant planning on some turkey and pumpkin pie this month, and a lot of other participants will have a ton of commitments that I do not - full-time/part-time jobs, families that they have to care for every day, travel schedules, kids hockey games they have to sit and watch and freeze at, whatever. And I'm sure we will all be faced with a day when, as happened to me last November, the sum total of our (usable) words will be the ones that are the main characters names - everything else will be a whole bunch of nonsense. (Countable nonsense, as far as word count goes, sure; but I always felt like it was almost cheating if I knew that it would never actually end up anywhere near the finished project.  But that's my inner editor at play, and she's supposed to be on vacation this month.)

But I haven't seen a lot of discussion surround issues 1 & 2, and I realize that for most NaNo participants, they won't come into play: A low energy day here or there for a non-chronically ill person, is not unheard of, certainly, but ... its a different kind of energy when you start talking about spoons.  On a day when I have no spoons, I don't mean that I might be too exhausted to write - I mean that I would (most likely) be too exhausted to eat. To take my meds. To roll from one side of the bed to another. To hold a pencil, or open up the laptop cover, let alone lift the thing that suddenly weighs more than 900lbs. To think through the brain fog enough to remember to brush my teeth after breakfast, instead of before. To try and remember if I took those pills already or if I just pictured taking them (which is why I have a whole pill system, but that's another post).

So writing anything legible or interesting, or valid (in my own opinion) on those days? Even if I keep to the daily schedule that everybody recommends, or force myself to sit in front of the computer during what is my usual writing time? It's simply not an option.  And that's ok: it's not a huge deal.  It is a knowable obstacle for me, because I have been doing this for a long time.

As for #2 and the likelihood that I will fall ill this month? Today is the 3rd of November - yesterday  I visited with three children under the age of 10, and a newborn, and some adults. Today I can't move. It is a very high pain day; and it is possible that it could turn up to flare levels, but I'm hoping it doesn't. Pain is (for the most part) something I can write through (depending) - but if those little lovely ragamuffins also brought me some nice germs, or if my visit to the hospital tomorrow where people are apparently incapable of not coughing on me results in my next bout of strep or the flu, or - god forbid - something more serious; well then, all writing bets are off. It'll be a constant game of who knows.

Which is basically how it's going to be anyways, for all of us: a giant game of "Am I going to write the words today?" "Am I going to make the daily/weekly/monthly goal?" "Can I shut my inner editor up long enough to reach 50,000 words?" - We're all in a limbo here, and that's part of the fun.

But if there's anything I learned in the years of trying to complete college and deal with chronic illness at the same time, it's to get as far ahead on the syllabus as you possibly can, while you can. So, if I can write an extra thousand words today, I'm going to. So that I'll have that little cushion there for tomorrow, if I need it. 

Because, even though the goal is to write everysingleday, and even though I am remembering that the more I write the more I want to write, November is not a month set apart from the rest of my life - it is not going to be some magical oasis of health and vitality and peace and calm and quiet, no matter how much I may wish it so.

So, that's my (completely unoriginal) piece of advice to all you other NaNo writers (and goddamn it, we are all writers!); Spoonies and non-spoonies alike, if you can - give yourself a little cushion, for the hard days, so you'll have something to fall back on.

Ahead, to day 4.

Today's tidbits of wisdom

Might just give you an idea how well I am dealing with all the family drama around here, and the fact that a person who's supposed to be a grown-up thinks it's OK to be selfish, OK to ignore the consequences of his actions, and lives behind a great wall of denial. 

First up, some advice that I'm finding so difficult to put into practice, but that's not keeping me from trying, from Danielle La Porte,

"Want to improve your communication skills?
Then communicate.
Our most common communication blunder is not that we’re insensitive, or forceful, or misdirected. It’s that we fail to communicate at all. 

We swallow. We hedge. We delay. We punish with silence. We freeze with fear. We open our mind to assumptions but keep our mouths shut. We lock down. We just don’t say anything.

Most often, even weak or wobbly communication is far better than shutting down completely. Sincerity and courage go a lot further than “polished” communication skills any day.

Have the conversation. Say how you feel. Ask the question. Bring it up. Stumble with good intentions. Fly with an open heart. Communicate.”

 When you grew up in a house like mine, where your opinion was neither asked for nor appreciated by certain people, and where intimidation is still a daily occurrence, that is a lot easier said than done.  However, trying to turn myself into an actual adult, who takes responsibility for her own actions and expects others to do the same, I've realized that I can't do it by keeping my mouth shut (however much that is my comfort zone).  I'm not too pleased with this realization, people, but I'm doing my best to work through my discomfort and other people's pissy attitudes. 


 Which brings us to some vital truth from Melissa McEwan, of Shakesville: 

No one who has ever said "life is too short" to me has ever meant, "What can I do to make amends for having hurt you and restore trust between us as quickly as possible?"

They have always and only ever meant, "Your boundaries are stupid, and I am super impatient with your attempts to make me respect them, so here is some emotional manipulation to try to coerce you into letting me continue to treat you like shit without consequences."

What I'm saying is: I really hate the expression "life is too short."”

Next, a lesson from John Green:

“The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.” 

Gonna work on not doing myself any more disservices, and I hope you do the same.  See you tomorrow, peoples.  

Hell Yeah

"Sometimes, the universe just aims for you and there’s nothing you can do except curl into a ball and keep breathing.  I don’t like that.  I do not like waiting for the next bus to come around the corner, I want to chase down the bus that hit me, drag the Universe out of the driver’s seat, and say, “Listen you sadistic prick, I have had it up to here with you using me for target practice, and if you come near me again, I’m going to slash your fucking tires and then come after your throat.  And my knife is swift, Sparky, so next time you get behind the wheel, avoid me like the black hole of rage and fear I have become.”

                                                                                                  Jenny Crusie, Bring It On

Checking it twice...

I have found the most amazing advice columnist ever, and gone back and read every single one of her columns. She is wise and sweet, and witty and sharp, and her pointed corners are covered in that nice fabric/foam stuff so they don't poke you too hard. She's reasonable and realistic; her commenters are (for the most part) also wonderful and present and fabulous; and she's not the least bit shy.

I want her to be my very best friend, but in lieu of that, I'm just glomming all her advice, and I thought I'd share one of my very favorite bits here:

In response to someone who was wondering what to do with their life, and lamenting the overwhelmingness of choices and forever and ... the whole wide world being out there, she suggested:

Option 3: Stop asking yourself what you want, what you desire, what interests you. Ask yourself instead: What has been given to me? Ask: What do I have to give back? Make a list. Make the list very long. Then give it, my addled friend. Give it.

I'm definitely going to be working on my list: it'll be nice to focus on the things I have, for a change, instead of things that I'm lacking.