Hell-o Every-bod-eeeeeeee!

The title for today's post comes from the always lovable, furry old Grover, who I feel is too often being overlooked for the more effervescent Elmo. Not that I have a problem with Elmo, just that I think Grover is underappreciated. His fine work in this book alone should endear him to us all. Trust me, if you've got an under 8 year-old, this is a Fabulous book.


So, I got a little linkage for you:

For you April Fools out there, here's a look at other people who looked to see if gullible was still in the dictionary.


Also of interest, if you happen to be on Weight Watchers and can only enjoy such things vicariously, check out this cupcake heaven.

Oh, by the way, Blogger. CUPCAKE IS A WORD. LEARN IT. LEARN IT NOW!!!!

(I should not be surprised: also not words? "Elmo", "Blogger", and "Every-bod-eeeeee". Ok, I'll give them that last one. )

Off the top of my head....

Twice recently, someone has asked me about car commercials. Here's the thing I've realized: even though I've seen the commercials a million times, I will never remember the names of the cars they are about. I just don't care about that sort of thing. Cars are of zero interest to me, so while I may notice the "Stupid Fairy" aspect of the commercial, the name of the car (which is supposedly the entire point of the commercial)will always escape me.

Quoteworthy Saturday

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
Mitch Hedberg, Mitch All Together
American comedian (1968 - 2005)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: I need a haircut: my hair is getting so long."
Youngest Nephew(age 5("and3/4!")): Oh good, then you can cut out all those silver ones!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Riddle me this, Batman

Is there some sort of drawer shortage I am unaware of?

Drawers: plain old, bureau drawers.

You know, the kind you put your socks in?

Sister #2 put out a chest of drawers yesterday, as she is doing some changing around of her room. It was a perfectly nice chest of drawers - no scratches or anything: She only got rid of it for 2 reasons. First, it was from her ex-fiance's family. Second, there is zero storage space left in our basement. So she put it behind the hedges of our front yard, closer to the curb for trash night. And, perhaps, in the hopes that someone would come along and claim it before then.

That was Sunday.

Yesterday a young man came to the door and asked if it was trash. I said "sure, help yourself." He pulled out his cell phone, talked for a while, and then drove away with nothing. About 11:30 last night, I heard voices in the yard, and looked out the window to see that the young man was back with a big white van. Hooray, I thought... Now we won't have to worry about moving it out to the sidewalk & calling the city for pickup.

But when I checked this morning?

The shell of the piece was still there. All 9 drawers were missing.

Internet Peoples: What's up with that? What do you do with 9 drawers?

I couldn't really think of anything at all.

Picture pages, picture pages, come and get your picture pages....

And, I'm totally the only one who knows what the hellthat is, but big deal :O)

So, I feel like I am skimping on pictures lately, and this is odd. Odd because I have begun the monumental project of scanning EVERY FRICKIN picture in our house into the computer, and onto disks. Just in case. (In case what? I don't know. And it isn't as if I was in the middle of 64 other monumental projects either. I'm such a dope.)

N-E ways....

So, the question becomes, how to show you pictures without actually showing any pictures. Enter the Blooper Book

You know all those really bad pictures that (normal) people usually throw out? Yeah, I don't do that: I file them. I display them. I find them intriguing, and often spend time trying to decipher just what the hell is going on in them. Yes, I realize I am strange. Deal.

So... Voila! Some pictures:

Here's Youngest Sis & Youngest Nephew. I really like the silhouette, but everybody else thinks I'm crazy.

Here's a classic (circa 1960 something) from the ever popular "Finger-in-the-way" genre:



Yeah, I can't get this one to rotate onto it's side, but, this is Sis #2 with Youngest Nephew - Tickle Torture.

And, lastly, just in case you wanted to know, here's me: (sort of)




A couple of pictures to liven things up a bit.

Now I've got to go and get this song out of my head (... time to grab your crayons and your pen-cils)

Pass it on over, please

My Grandmother has a unique view of the world. We do not usually agree on things... I often find myself rolling my eyes at what she calls her "old-fashioned" ideas. (To me, there is a difference between a traditional viewpoint and a racist one, but she seems to think they are synonymous).

She also has a lot of sayings that drive me crazy, mostly because they are meaningless - "A little bit of this, a little bit of that, a whole lot of nothing" is the current front runner, followed closely by the admonishment to "Never get old" (because the alternative is so appealing?). I know that when she is no longer with us that I will miss these little gems, but right now they drive me nuts.

However, one of her sayings that I am totally sympatico with is

"Anybody who buys that should have their money taken away from them."

I'll even take it a step further - Not only should their money be taken away from them, there should be a requirement (maybe even a law), that it should be given to me.



I'm sorry, but is there anyone who actually needs

"Gold Plated Cuticle Nippers?"


How about a

"Diamond Nail File?"


If you have this kind of money to waste on these kind of items, may I recommend a nice charity instead? (Or, failing that, personal contributions to the "Never That Easy" fund? )

Coming Up... Our second "Am I the Only One...?"

So... people, am I the only one who things that t.v. shows need to stop it with all the "coming up" stuff?

I mean, the show is only however long (an hour, a half hour, whatever): do I really need the previews for what's coming after the commercial break? If I'm not into the show already, I'm not going to stick around for after the commercial, no matter what you show me. And if I am into the show, you are ruining what comes next!

Personally, I'm getting a bit frustrated with all these previews: the American Inventor show I'm watching right now has just shown yet another preview for what happens after the break. I'm enjoying the show (it's a bit weird, but it's new and different, and some of these people have really good ideas), but if they've already shown me what's going to happen next: why bother to keep watching?

Other repeat offenders include Dr.Phil (who I have mostly stopped watching anyways, because it seems like he gave all his advice during the first season), Project Runway (note to producers for next season: STOP DOING THIS), the news (Oh, my goodness, newspeople - just tell me the news in the order you're going to tell it and stop hinting at what comes later!) and all those E-Access-Entertainment-Hollywood tabloid shows (who I've noticed go so far as to say "Coming up at 7:53" or "Coming up in 7 minutes", as if it were a piece of vital information that I need to know E_X_A_C_T_L_Y when it will be shown).

I'm pretty sure these "coming up"s are called teasers, but I think a better name would be annoyers. For me, they accomplish the exact opposite of what they are intended to do - they only make me want to change the channel.

So tell me people - Am I the Only One?

Bagpipes

I live across the street from a church, and am a silent witness to some of the happiest - and some of the saddest - days of people’s lives. They do not see me, usually, peeking through the blinds of my room to scope out the bridesmaid’s dresses, to watch the stoic procession behind the casket. This witnessing affects me in ways it is hard to describe.

Today there is, as every so often happens, a bagpipe player playing for the funeral across the way. I do not understand bagpipes – they seem like the only instrument that is made to ruin good music. I most especially do not understand bagpipes at weddings. The screeching tones do not enhance any song, at least not that I have ever heard. And I cannot seem to hear the difference between a “good” bagpipe player and a “bad” one.

But the sound is plaintive and wailing and utterly fitting for grief.

Bagpipes must have been specifically made for funerals - the notes hang in the air and rend my heart. I dare not look across the street, in fear that the pain and loss they are feeling will further infect me. It is hard enough, sometimes, just to hear the music.

I say a silent prayer when I hear it – in sympathy, with empathy, for the poor family that is standing, suffering, trudging through this awful mass, and in gratitude for myself, that it is not me who is suffering so. At least not today.

Creativity = not so much

I'm still trying to get back on track after this last flare, so my brain cells aren't exactly fully functioning yet. Which is why I am glad that I have stockpiled a few topics that need very little extra explanation. For example, today's post:

Did you know where the name of my blog came from? Not the first name, which I apparently hijacked from the very nice Amy, but the current "Never that Easy?" Well, I'm so glad you asked. It's actually from a song, originally from a musical revue called Closer than Ever. I've never seen the show (actually, the only show I've ever seen live is A Chorus Line, about 14 years ago), but thanks to Standing Room Only (which I've raved about here), I've got a pretty extensive knowledge of musical theatre. Although I've always loved musicals, now I've heard a much wider variety of them. So, here's the lyrics to the excellent song I've taken my title from. Also, a link at the end where you can hear an excerpt, if you so choose.

Oh, and just, before I forget again, Mel you're welcome for the linkage... I hope you'll come back & read me... it gets better, I promise!


It's Never That Easy / I've been Here Before
WOMAN 1
YOU JUST MET HIM, YES, I KNOW
THIS IS LASTING, THIS WILL GROW
BUT OH, IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
BELIEVE ME, IT ISN'T AT ALL

YOU ARE STARSTRUCK, SO WAS I
I WOULD LOVE HIM, TILL I DIE
BUT OH, IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
MY DARLING, NOT EASY AT ALL

ALL YOUR LIFE YOU'LL BE WITH HIM
THINK OF THAT, THINK IT THROUGH
HE MAY CHASE SOME CRAZY WHIM
WHEN HE DOES, YOU'LL GO TOO

AND YOU'LL LOSE HIM NOW AND THEN
BUT EACH MORNING START AGAIN
AND OH, SOME DAYS YOU'LL BE HAPPY
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
YOU THINK SO, BUT NO
OH NO, I KNOW
IT ISN'T AT ALL.

WOMAN 2
THE MAN SAYS THINGS HE NEEDS TO SAY
TURNS TO SMILE AS HE STANDS AT MY DOOR
AND THEN I SEE HIS EYES ARE GREY
OH GOD I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

TO WANT HIM MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL
THEN WE TALK AND OUT HIS FEELINGS POUR
INSIDE ALL MY DEFENCES FALL
OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

THE MAN'S ALL WRONG
THAT'S ALL THAT'S TRUE
AND WHAT IS WORSE
THIS TIME GOOD GOD HE'S TWENTY-TWO
AND SINCE IT'S WRONG, BEFORE WE START
WHY SHOULD I RUSH TO PROVE THAT I CAN BREAK MY HEART ALL OVER?
THE MAN LEAVES AND I'M ON MY OWN
I SIT HERE AND SIMPLY WATCH THE DOOR
AND TELL MYSELF I'M FINE ALONE
OH YES, I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
OH YES, I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

WOMAN 2 WOMAN 1
THE MAN'S ALL WRONG BUT OH
THAT'S ALL THAT'S TRUE IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
AND WHAT IS WORSE BELIEVE ME
THIS TIME, GOOD GOD,
HE'S TWENTY-TWO IT ISN'T AT ALL
AND SINCE IT'S WRONG HE MAY CHASE
BEFORE WE START SOME CRAZY WHIM
WHY SHOULD I RUSH LET HIM GO
TO PROVE OR HE'LL
THAT I CAN BREAK MY HEART ALL OVER BREAK YOUR HEART

THE MAN LEAVES AND I'M ON MY OWN I'M FINE ALONE WITHOUT HIM
I SIT HERE AND SIMPLY WATCH THE DOOR AND YOU'LL MISS HIM NOW AND THEN
THEN TELL MYSELF I'M FINE ALONE I'M FINE ALONE

OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
SOME DAYS YOU'LL BE HAPPY
NO NEVER THAT EASY
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
YOU THINK SO BUT NO
OH, NO

BOTH
I KNOW
I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

Closer Than Ever CD

Movies

So I've been brewing a post about the difference between watching a movie in a theater and watching it at home, but it's not done yet, so instead, I've got linkage for you today.


I've been watching trailers online this morning (and, apparently, afternoon, since it's 1:00 already). I don't know why I bother, as I haven't been to the movie theater to see a movie since the first Harry Potter came out (2001: thanks IMDB), but there seem to be a lot of interesting things coming out this year.

Of course, there's X-Men 3, whose trailer I saw on TV yesterday and was forced to find it again online this morning in order to figure out what Jean Grey was saying at the end. ("Kill Me" in case you cared). I loved the first two, and am already adding this to my Netflix Queue, even though it's not even in the theater yet. Just so I won't forget.

So X-Men 3 started it, but there were a bunch of other things I want to see now too:

Since the success of Chicago a few years back, musicals are popular again. I am a big fan of this trend, since the musicals of Hollywood's Golden age are among my favorite movies of all time. So a second crop of musicals is only fab-u-lous in my opinion. The ones I saw trailers for included

Dreamgirls - "And I am Telling You," sung by Jennifer Holliday was the only thing on the trailer, but it was enough for me. I don't know about the cast, but, as I wasn't even alive when the show was on Broadway, I'd love to see the storyline to go with the songs I know.

Idelwild - Roaring Twenties with an Outkast beat? Something to see, I'm sure.

Romance & Cigarettes Aside from the all-star cast and the interesting storyline, the trailer made it seem like the musical numbers were Blues Brothers or Moulin Rouge style: pop music of different eras all jumbled into the storyline.

In the Guilty Pleasures category were:

Just My Luck Guilty b/c it looks just too much like every other Lindsay Lohan movie, and yet I still thought "I'd see that."


Poseidon Because I so love the original and all its 70's disaster movie splendor (and hated that crappy TV version they did last fall).

In the Movies My Nephew will want to see (and I wouldn't cry at having to sit through)category:

RV

Happy Feet Isn't the penguin just too cute?

And, finally, in the why haven't I heard more about these category:

Catch & Release Cast include Jennifer Garner & Kevin Smith... and the trailer looked different (good different, as in, "I haven't seen this movie 72 different ways" different)

Lonesome Jim Well, this is an "independent" movie, so that's why we haven't heard anything about it. But it looks good.

Click I'm pretty sure the only reason we haven't heard anything about this yet is that it's not out till June. Adam Sandler is hit or miss with me (hit - Big Daddy, Spanglish; miss -Punch Drunk Love, the Waterboy), but this looks promising.


So that's what I've been doing all day. (I've got a PET Scan manana and am trying to take it easy so as not to cause a huge flare again.) How bout you guys... up to anything interesting?

I've got flare (yes, I know it's spelled wrong)

And that's because it's not the good kind of flair. I think we all know I'm running pretty low on that kind of flair... well, maybe you don't since you can't see me, but anyone in my actual life would laugh hysterically at the mere suggestion that I have style of anykind. Fashion is so not my forte.

But Flare? Sadly, I've got flare to spare.

I'm talking Fibro Flare, my friends. As in flare-up of symptoms.

I know I haven't really gone into depth here about my illnesses, (partly because I don't want this to be just a "sick blog" and partly because I haven't figured out exactly what to say), but since I've been out of commission for about a week due to a major flare, and have probably lost any readers who were coming here with any regularity anyways, I figured what the hell.

So - What the heck am I talking about?

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition that has a wide variety of symptoms, and, sadly, no cure or regularlized treatment plan. Basically what this means is that there are about a million and a half ideas about what causes it or how it could be treated, but, right now, no proven cause or effect or cure.

And I've got it. (And a couple of other particularly nasty things. But let's focus on Fibro for today, shall we?)

When you're dealing with a chronic illness, you have a baseline - a level of "normal" that you exist at in whatever way you can. Over the course of my illness (12 years this October ... crap), I've had a lot of different baselines. I've been completely bedridden, able to go to school full days, able to go to school half days, hospitalized, able to attend college full-time, able to attend part-time, etc.

For the past year or so, my overall baseline had been improving: I've been moving up from almost complete bedrest to a semi-mobile lifestyle. I have to use a wheelchair to get around, can't stay up right for too long (about 2 hours is my max), but I was able to participate in some of the more minor triumphs of everyday life: getting dressed, eating at the table instead of from bed, baking a pie at Thanksgiving.

It hasn't been exactly fabulous, but it was a bit better than I had been. I've been coping - And then last week.... Total crash.


I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't... anything.

Pain was my whole existence for about 5 days.

And I haven't exaggerated that in anyway. I mean exactly that: for 5 days, nothing existed besides pain. Every lymph node in my body was swollen, every muscle ached as if I'd stretched them to their breaking points. My face was just a ball of fire - cheeks flushed such a bright red that my mother could see in the dark.


And I have no idea what set it off this time: as usual, I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. But I've managed to pick up yet another infection somehow (I think from the Doc's office, since that's the only place I ever go), and it ran me over.

The only plus has been how quickly I've improved: I've had severe flares last for months, and this one is already improving. (as evidenced by the fact that I had enough focus and energy to turn on the computer and hammer this out today - even if it did take me more than 5 hours to finish it).

I've heard that the blogosphere is a fickle place - that you can lose your readers if you don't post often and regularly. I suppose that could be true, and I'd rather not find out, but I can honestly say the word blog didn't even occur to me until yesterday - a good week after my last post. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping that people will wind up here and be interested enough to stick it out with me.

I'm feeling a bit better, as I said, so I doubt it'll be too long before the next post, but if you've got some time, you might want to check out these sites about fibromyalgia.

FM Aware
Arthritis Foundation

2 things....

First, as evidenced by the following article, I am not the only person who looks at the book titles. Lost boosts book popularity.


Second, not too many people are checking me out here, at NTE, this week. I'm going to pretend that it's because you are all away on February vacation. I'm also going to pretend that the person who found me by searching "woman chokes to death" is not looking for tips, but rather out of concern for any women who might do so.

In case you hadn't noticed, denial is one of my strong suits.

Am I the only one?

Thanks to a conversation that started over at Bookseller Chic's site, Who I totally didn't steal my template from - at least not on purpose the first installment of what I am sure will be a million part series: Am I the only one?

So: AITOO

who checks for book titles if a character on TV, or in a movie, is reading something? I always figured it was a book-lover thing, but not that uncommon. But the other people in my house all looked at me very strangely when I asked them if they did this: Granted none of them are biblophiles, exactly, but still... does anybody else do this, or is this yet another way in which I am odd?

I am hating template fiddling.

I am doing it; But I hate it. Mostly b/c I think I know what I'm doing, until I publish it and then? Not so much. So bear with me (all of those 4 readers I know I have) because I can't make that STUPID profile thing to come back up to the top of my blog. (And no, I didn't make it go down there. All the fiddling has been to fix it.) Wow, I rock at this, no?

Read this!

I write book reviews for a website (I'd post it here, but I use my real name there because I was too stupid to think ahead). I review whatever I happen to be reading at the time (which is quite an eclectic mix), and they're mostly positive reviews (b/c it's not a paid position, so if I don't like a book I don't keep reading). I usually wind up doing one a week, even though I generally read about 5 books a week.

Well, this week I've been a bit slow. I've been savoring Elizabeth Berg's < The Year Of Pleasures>. I tried to write a review for the book, but it was too gushing, I was afraid they'd think she paid me to say nice things about it. And I found I couldn't summarize it, couldn't wrap it all up neatly in a paragraph or two. So instead of censoring the way I really felt into a suitable review, I'm just going to talk about it here.


This book was amazing.


"Now, on this road trip, my mind seemed to uncrinkle, to breathe, to present to itself a cure for a disease it had not, until now, known it had."



You know a book is going to be good when you feel the need to copy a quote off the first page. And it just kept getting better. I wound up with a rainbow of Post-It flags sticking out of the book. I continued to read at a snail's pace even though the book was three days overdue (and I HATE being overdue). I began to resent the fact that I had to ever return this book - it should be Mine; I shouldn't have to de-flag it, shouldn't have to part with it at all. I stopped at the end of a chapter, at the end of a page, to better absorb the words, the truths, that had been written there.


The story - about a widow's journey through the first agonies of grief - is utterly moving. I've never been a widow. I've never even seen a love like the character in the book was lucky enough to live. But her pain, her struggles, her story, is, to the author's credit, universal.

Berg's words are like lyrics in a song - slow and beautiful, full of meaning and grace. They have their own melody, their own movement

"I reread the letter, sat back in the chair, took another long drink of coffee. And noticed a specific and breathtaking absence. At the moment, nothing hurt. What I felt was only hope, that internal sunrise. The image of John’s face came into my head, and I felt only my great luck at having had him for as long as I did. I’d learned enough about grieving to know that other ways of feeling would come back soon enough. But it seemed to me that this was the way we all lived: full to the brim with gratitude and joy one day, wrecked on the rocks the next. Finding the balance between the two was the art and the salvation. "

The strength of her writing - the flow of words, the beauty of the sentence, the truth behind what she's said.

Anyways. The Year Of Pleasures. Highly Recommended.

Did ya ever notice cupid rhymes with stupid?

Ok, so I thought, since this is my 27th consecutive single Valentine's Day, that I would totally be anti-Valentine's Day today.


I thought I post some grinchy- Valentine's equivalent of "Bah Humbug"-ish rant about how Valentine's Day sucks & is really a conspiracy thought up by Hallmark to make single people feel like second class citizens.

Really, I had this whole thing thought out.
_______________________________________________________________________________

But then?

Sister #2, who is not the most demonstrative person ever, left a little baggie in front of my door this morning. With chocolate, and a card, and two pocket angels (strength and faith), and a beautiful statue of two ballerinas. The pocket angels were incredibly thoughtful, and let me to believe that she actually might notice some of the troubles I am going through, although she's never shown this to be so. And the ballerina statue almost made me cry, because it's been years since anybody thought of me that way, even though, in my heart I'm still a dancer. It was unbearably sweet.

And I've been listening to the amazing Michael Buble Check out #5
That song...Home? It makes me long for things. It isn't that I didn't know that was what I was missing: it just makes it so clear what I'm looking for and haven't yet found. Someone who makes me feel like that. (And if it just happens to be Michael himself, I would really have no qualms about that. No, I don't know if he's married or attached, or whatever. And I don't want to know: it's Valentine's Day, and a girl can dream.)

And the blogosphere is filled with people I've never actually met, and yet somehow still care about. And this I didn't expect. I didn't expect to care so much:

about the weather in North Washington

about Busy Mom's Mum

about a beautiful baby with a wonderfuly sarcastic mom

about at least 30 other sites I've got to put in my blogroll (Although, did ya notice...? I've finally got something up there!)


And there's the fact that people are reading this (Hello readers! I know you are there, even ever so briefly!) and that they might be caring about me & my life too.


And later?

My Youngest Nephew (age 5) will come bustling throught the door, heavy with character valentines (the kind that come in a package of 30, with teacher valentine included) and candy hearts. He'll be hopped up on sugar, b/c Valentine's Day is not a religous holiday (anymore,anyways), and therefore the teachers can - and usually do -- make a big deal out of it. There will be cupcakes, at the very least. And he'll be rambling on and on about how they had a special Valentine's themed gym class, and OH! because of the snow day yesterday, it's also their 100th day of Kindergarten. (Which, any self-respecting Kindergarten teacher will tell you, is a big deal).

So, really, what do I care if I'm still single? I'm not alone. And, for today, at least, I'm not lonely.

So: Happy Valentine's Day internet!

(P.S. I cannot get blogger to load ANY pictures (or put my type in color, like I told it to), so if you want some yummy Valentine pictures head over here:

Jelly Hearts)

Dear Best Friend

I can not buy you a birthday present.

Or, rather, I can not FIND you a birthday present.

I have now spend 6 hours wandering through the following sites:

"unique gift ideas"
"What to buy your best friend"
"Gifts for her"

and about a million similar sites. Seriously.

I have found many many interesting things:

The best thing about this Survival Kit? That it includes chocolate.


This is right up your alley: January Cards. However, it is February.

Is it sad that I really considered buying the Electric Company DVD's for you?

I'd buy you this Goddess Bowl, but I don't know what kind of dishes you have anymore.

I've looked at books --> but I bought you books for Christmas.

I looked at clothes ---> but I know you still want to lose the baby weight, so I have no idea what size I'd buy.

I looked at movies ---> but even though we have the same taste, I don't know what you've seen, what you own.

I looked at pampering, spa-ish stuff ---> but we both know that I don't have any clue about that kind of stuff.

Basically, I'm thinking I might get you a popcorn bowl, since sharing a bag of popcorn with you is one of the treasures of our times together, but that sounds like a very sad present.

I don't know. I suppose I'll keep looking.

It's everyone's favorite...

Linkage !!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First up:

"Five rules of thumb
October 31st, 2005

-The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.
-The twin miracles of childbirth and pet ownership render you unable to share one photo of anything.
-If your vanity license plate makes any reference to the make of your vehicle, the people you work with despise you.
-Ph.D.s who ask to be called “Doctor” should be prepared to refer to every college graduate as “Bachelor.”
-If you own more than one Enya record you might as well buy all of them and make a little fort. "

--------------From 5ives------------

"Kids These Days, I Tell Ya...

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

--6 Train"

_____________FromOverheard in NY_____________


"What do they have that I don’t have?

Multi-colored candy coatings?

Yeah, that’s great if I wanted to be in a Benetton ad, but I don’t.

Shaped like Hershey’s Kisses?

I hate to say this, but Hershey’s Kisses have always looked like steaming coils of dog poop.

Tasty chocolatey goodness?

If I had some chocolate pudding and rubbed it all over me, I could be tasty chocolatey goodness too."

---------From The Impulsive Buy-----------

"But it's not just his lack of expression that kills me, it's his actual face. It looks like they hired some chooch to put on the Captain America suit so they could take pictures to create the model kit, and then they forgot to make the model not look like that guy.

Either that, or it's Tony Shalhoub.

Another version of the model seems to have him with a crazy Ed Grimley smile. In this one I picture him running after the other superheroes shouting, "C'mon guys, wait up!" "

---------------------------From The Sneeze ------------

"It's a bad week for obsessions after a British Trekkie was forced to file for bankruptcy because he spent hundreds of thousands of dollars turning his home into a replica of the Starship Enterprise. "I'm still proud of what I created," said Tony Alleyne, " but it's been a financial disaster." Recently, his wife left him when he replaced their fridge with a "warp coil.""


The part that got me? She stuck with him until he got rid of the fridge. That was the last straw for her... Deciding to use the family funds to remake a fictional ship - no problem. No fridge, time to go.

Can a "warp coil" keep cookie dough cold? I doubt it.

Totally understandable.
--------From The Week---

Medical Regimen

I am up to 22 pills everyday. 22 required pills. I can take as many additional pills for pain as I need, so sometimes I'm at 30. 22 - 30 required pills, and three vials of something that, when mixed with water, tastes like feet.


I take the pills 4 times a day, and they must be taken with food, or I wind up not being able to keep them down.

Some of them taste so bad that I have to trick myself into taking them - chew up my food, and then sneak the pill in right before I swallow. I don't know why it works, but it does.
------------------------------------------------------------------

It's my opinion that the popular method of pill swallowing - putting the pill on your tongue first, then rinsing it down with your drink - makes no sense. If you put the pill on your tongue alone, unaccompanied, then you get the full vileness of it, and therefore want to spit it out. If you have to take your pills with a drink, put the drink in your mouth first, then pop the pill in. Some people say, "well then it's in there floating around": To them I say, who cares? You only have to worry about swallowing the drink, and it'll go down with it, automatically. At least that's how it works for me.

That was a bit of off-topic advice, free of charge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ANYways -

22 pills, three vials of feet, monthly (or bi-monthly) infusions, and 3 separate inhalers. That's my regimen.


And I a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y. wouldn't care- not a fig, not a lick, not a bit - about doing all of this, IF it was actually helping.

Maybe it is - maybe it's keeping me from getting worse, helping me to maintain at this level of functioning. I don't know.

But I do know that I got dressed today:

I went to the closet, picked out warm sweat pants and a t-shirt that's too tight, a zip up that doesn't exactly show me at my best and some fuzzy socks.

I put them all on, lathering baby lotion on skin that's unusually dry first, then maneuvering my way into my clothes.

I did all that, and then had to rest.

For 3 hours - motionless, with the heating pad on the sorest spots, staring blankly at the t.v.
----------------------------

22 pills, three feet-vials, three inhalers, the monthly infusion, all for 17 minutes of functioning
followed by three hours of rest.

-----------------------------

And now I've used up another 20 minutes or so, typing this in bed, only semi-upright, one hand on the keyboard, the other swigging the feet-water.

But, I wouldn't mind all the pills, all the shots, all the trips to the doctors (all the phone calls I still haven't made),


if it would just work.

If they did what they were supposed to do.

If I could just feel better.

I'm just saying.

Some things I am

You Are 32% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This sounds pretty good... I'm not a total nut job, is that what you're saying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I probably would have given myself a little bit lower on the openness, but the rest seems on point(e)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a Bright Star or Dreaming Soul, please let me know :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

A classic and an original, no wonder everyone snakes your style!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I want ice cream - or cookie dough. AND of course, we don't have either... plus, that must be a lot of points. Fooey.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are Sunshine

Soothing and calm You are often held up by others as the ideal But too much of you, and they'll get burned You are best known for: your warmth Your dominant state: connecting

What Type of Weather Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Well, considering that in my family I'm thought of as a vampire, and feel like I am probably allergic to sunlight, this is the only one that doesn't really fit. But, hey, if you wanna call me sunshine... who am I to argue?
_____________________________________________________________