I swear to god ... I don't know why I bother with doctor's appointments, really. Every time I leave with a plan, or a set of actions that I think are coming next, and then the test results come in and... nope! Let's do something completely different.
Talked to Zack today... apparently my Holter monitor did not go well. I thought I did super well - I did r e l a x i n g things that day so as not to screw with the bp too much - I rocked the new baby for hours! I... had tea and cookies and chats. I also apparently had multiple "concerning episodes". That "did not match up with your reported activities." Well... duh.
But... what's 'concerning', exactly, Zach? "Oh, well you threw a lot of PVCs - 275 in less than a couple of hours" Now, you may not know it, but PVCs in and of themselves aren't that huge of a deal, always - most everybody has some irregular heartbeat type things every now and then! (I did not know that ~ did you?) But.."that's kind of a lot of them, especially if you weren't ... exercising or something." Insert loooong hilarious laugh at the idea that I could be exercising, and then, take a moment to think about what could happen if I tried to exercise, which is what I have been telling people for years: My heart feels like it will literally explode, because that is how it feels when I try to stand up, or sit down, or move at all. Except - Hey, look at this; these number say that if rocking a baby and drinking (decaffeinated, btw) tea is causing your heart to race and you to have palpitations, probably exercising would not be wise right now.
Color me shocked.
So I have to go get that looked at 'more in depth', which he did not explain - Zach is very good at saying things like that and then leaving it to his nurse to call me three days later with an appointment booked and I'll be like "but... what's this for?" and she'll say "Didn't he tell you he wanted you to see the XYZologist?" "No, no he did not."
PLUS, in other awesome (read: unawesome) news, my Rheumatoid "pattern" has "completely reversed itself." Literally, from one blood test to the next - something about which proteins are elevated, the big ones or the little ones, blah blah something I don't know... But what he says next is "So you know how Dr. House is always saying it's not Lupus?"
"And you've always told me it's not Lupus?"
"Right; It might be Lupus."
"Probably, more like lupus AND you know, whatever else is already wrong with you"
"Zack I do not like these answers."
"Well, it could also be Rheumatoid Arthritis, because that titer or panel" (honestly, at this point all my notes are just arrows and question marks) "is high as well."
"Zack, how does that sound better?"
"No, it doesn't, but... you should definitely see an infectious Rheumatologist."
"Why are there even such things as infectious rheumatologists?"
"Because of people like you."
(And I swear I can hear him smiling, which, even though I love him, makes me kind of want to kill him.)
"So... which of these should I be the most worried about right now?" I ask him, before he can scurry off to another patient or phone call or the fifty million things he can seem to do at one time.
"Let's just say that if the rheumys can't see you in the next 2 weeks, call me back and I'll try to convince them otherwise."
He talks a little bit more about drugs and anemia (I need to take iron, and that might be contributing to the POTS, which could be adding to the stupid PVCs thing) and then gave me doctors to call and blah blah blah. BUT we never even talked about my thyroid which was the reason I went to the goddamn appointment in the first place.
So now I'm going to have to call him back and ask him about that, too. Only I don't even want to know, at this point. Just sent me the test results with a big SNAFU stamp across the top (Situation Normal, All Fucked Up) - I'll be happy with that.
I do not understand bodies. Or doctors. Or life.