Via 100 Miles From Where

*Look at the list of books below.
*Bold the ones you’ve read.
*Italicize the ones you want to read.
*leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in.
*If you are reading this, tag you're it.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

50 read - Exactly half. There were others, like Ulysses, that I started but never finished, so I didn't count them. And there's still a handful on my TBR pile. (Pile, my ass... it's more like a TBR heap at this point.)

My Best Shot Monday

Again, through Picture This, here's "My Best Shot Monday:"



She picked 3, but I've got two for you today. Above is my best 'technical' shot this week: me figuring out how to use the macro/micro button on my digital camera. And below is my favorite little guy, showing his evil Jedi side...



He told me the other day that I could call him "Lord:" I was a bit confused, thinking he meant God type of Lord. "No... AuntieNTE, like 'Lord Vader,' you can just call me Lord, though." Ok then, Lord it is.

Having nothing to say

isn't really a good excuse for not blogging.

Because, honestly, I do have things to say: TONS of things to say. But somewhere between my brain and my fingers, those things get ... lost. Or twisted. Or too complex to explain. There's so much going on in my life, and I find myself just wanting to burrow into a deep hole and avoid it all. Which must not be allowed (for any real length of time), so here I am.

Since I still don't want to tackle anything too ... heavy... how about a sort-of funny & totally screwed up story? The kind of thing that could only happen to me?

A few weeks ago, about a week after my last doctor's appointment, I had a call from Zach (my doctor) that went something like this:

Zach: "NTE, I have some of your test results here, and, well, they don't make any sense."

Me: "Zach, when do my test results ever make sense?"

Zach: "Well, that's true. But about these results: your ammonia level is 78."

Me: "I have no idea what that means."

Zach: "Normal, or the highest level of normal, is about 43. So, you're near double that."

Me: "Hmm... Yeah, I still don't know what that means, except that it doesn't sound good."

Zach: "Well, I don't really know what it means either. But it's significant."

Me: "Significant how?"

Zach: "Yeah, I'm not sure. But it has to mean something."

Then he explained that he had a call in to a specialist, asking what they thought it could mean, and what we should do about it. He promised to call me back in the next few days. Skip to a few days later:

Zach: "So, I've got your test results here, and there are some abnormalities that I think we should discuss..."

Me: "Zach, you already called and told me this, remember? We're waiting for the specialist to call back?"

Zach: "Oh. No. Well, yes, that's true. But this is different. Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been bitten by a squirrel?"

Me: " "

Zach: "No, seriously: ever been bitten by a dog or a squirrel, or a woodland creature?"

Me (goggling. Partly because I don't think I've ever heard anyone actually say the words "woodland creature," and partly because, well...) "WHAT?"

Zach: "Bitten. By a creature of some sort. A dog maybe?"

Me: "Um... NO."

Zach: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Um. Yeah... Pretty damn sure. I think I would remember that sort of thing. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that's how I would go around introducing myself 'Hi, I'm NTE. Let me tell you about the time I was bitten by a small woodland creature!' I'm going to stick with no on this one."

Zach: (sounding disappointed!)"Oh. Really? Well, then I can't really explain this, but you have this bacterial infection in your blood. It's called Brucellosis, and most people get it by being bitten by animals."

Me: " "

Me: "So, what does that mean? Does it explain my symptoms? Is it a co-infection (cuz I have other ones)? Can it be treated? Cured? Um... What does this mean????"

Zach: "Well, I'm not really sure. But it's significant."

Me: (Screw significant.... WTF does it mean?): "Right... significant how?"

Zach: "Well, it could explain some of your symptoms. It could be something that isn't even really an issue. It could be a major player because of your weakened immune system... We'll have to run some more tests to be sure, exactly. And I've called a specialist..."

No more useful information was forthcoming, just a lot of "significant" findings that nobody knows what the hell they mean in relation to me. I have since repeated both blood tests, and confirmed that I have these two "significant" issues. And, yes, I'm more than a bit worried about the fact that my liver isn't working correctly and I somehow contracted yet another infection, but for today? Let us, just for today, focus on this: my doctor was SAD that I hadn't been bitten by a squirrel.

He was hoping I had been!

Also?

He must think I am the stupidest person ever, to have been going to him for almost 4 years now, to have some sort of mystery illness, and to never have mentioned it to him. "Yes, I know we're not sure where these symptoms come from, or what is totally screwing my body up, but I'll just keep the fact of my woodland creature adventures to myself... Because they couldn't possibly be connected." What kind of dolt would I have to be?

That said, my mother now says that my grandmother's poodle once nipped me when I was a baby (young enough to be crawling after the dog enough to piss it off). I wonder if a tiny nip 26 years ago could account for it? I'll have to ask when I see him this week (apparently, there are different types of Brucellosis, so we have to have mine DNA tested - who knew?)

So, how about you, internet friends? Ever been attacked by woodland creatures? I promise not to be disappointed if you say no. ;)

If you've spent some time in the blogosphere lately, I'm assuming that you've heard about the Edwards blogger brouha-ha. If you haven't click over here:

But here's the thing: if you haven't spent time in the blogosphere, I doubt that you've heard anything about it.

I'll grant you that I am nowhere near a news junkie - We've talked before about how my... oversensitivity to other people's problems means that I tend to boycott the news as much as possible. - But, I usually do hear something about the major things that are going on. (I'm not counting Anna Nicole, which, by all that is holy is a personal tragedy and NOT a global crisis!) When you're television is on for as many hours of the day as mine is, you can't help but hear bits and pieces of what's on the news. There's teasers during commercials, comedians & talk shows, what's showing on the news while I'm waiting for the weather to come on. For starters. So, I do tend to hear things, and not a single mention of this situation.


Given the - in my opinion, righteous - outrage of bloggers, the tone & frequency of posts, the seriousness of this issue, I'd have thought it would be mentioned... somewhere. And that's just sketchy.

Just a little timewaster

Still a bit knocked out ---> Colossus, unfortunately, had nothing to do with it. ;)

Hope to be back tomorrow, with something, anthing to say.

Here's my Photo Favorite

from this past week. Best Photo Monday, with Picture This.

Here's SisterJ & her new fiancee, pre-proposal:




The fact that they started out the day holding hands and ended it doing the same is a good sign, I think.

Living in fear

I am totally skipping over the fact that my family is insane, and can not spend any time together without it ending with somebody screaming "FUCK" in someone else's face. We'll talk about that later. Along with the fact that I have my second sinus infection in less than two weeks (which, come to think of it is probably just one big sinus infection that took a nap for 5 days or so and then woke up again). Those are not today's topic, although they're both weighing heavily on my mind (one, literally, since my head feels like it weighs 200 pounds right now).

No, those discussions must wait, because I'm facing a very real threat: one of my sisters got engaged yesterday.

If you have sisters; or have ever been in a bridal party; or ever knew anyone who got married or was in a bridal party, you can understand just how terrifying this is.

I have four sisters & a soon-to-be sister-in-law. I've been in two weddings, and am just about the only single girl left from my group of college friends. I know the kind of drama queens that exist in my family. I know just how volatile it can be to mix those drama queens with dress fittings, shower planning, and the overblown importance of wedding minutiae.

In my own personal terror alert system, we're definitely on red.

Don't be mistaken: I am exceedingly happy for SisterJ (age 24). She's found a wonderful man, who compliments her in every way. His sweetness & calm demeanor are a good influence on my over-the-top, outspoken little sister. And they have such a genuine connection, a loveliness that sort of shimmers around them. That they've both realized just how special their relationship is, and to really want to commit to each other is fantastic.

But the idea of their marriage is one thing: the reality of getting to their wedding will, most likely, be something completely different.

It is this thought that makes me quiver in fear.

It's the idea of dealing with the infighting about sandals with straps or sandals without, or whether or not you have to have your toenails painted a particular color. It's the fact that napkin colors and up-doos will suddenly take on the importance of eliminating the threat of AIDS in our lifetime. It's the flurry of e-mails back and forth - and forth and back - when you can't get more than two people to agree on any specific date for any specific thing. It's the looming specter of fitting rooms and strapless bras, bridal magazines and flower arrangements, petty arguments and mothers-in-law.

"Always the bridesmaid:" almost as scary a notion as "Bush accepts unprecedented 3rd term!"

I was watching a rerun of Without a Trace, recently, and there was this subplot about a man whose child had been abducted years ago & had never been found. He started talking about how everyone else in his life - his wife, his counselor, his friends & family - just kept telling him to "move on," and how hard it was to have this piece of yourself missing, to have to hope. Hoping is difficult, it's so much harder sometimes than just giving up. The man said that this battle, this war inside himself to either keep hoping or let it go, felt like he was drowning, but slowly. Because he knew that things were wrong in his life, without his son, but he just didn't know how to pick up the pieces and trudge forward with them. Didn't know if he should, or even if he could.

And somewhere in the middle of his speech, I realized: "That's me." I've been hoping, remembering my past, as if it could ever be my future. I'm surrounded by people who just keep saying I've got to "get on with my life," and yet no one can tell me how to do it. ~


“One day, I had a father, and the next day, I had a story to tell.” I stole this quote from a book: I wish I could remember which one it was. But it was another line that went straight to my heart. It's me, again.

Over the years, I've met quite a few people (some are even close to me) who've said something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it," or "I don't think I could do what you do." And, while I know it's meant to be a compliment, it always confuses me, because I wonder what they think they would do, in these circumstances.

There were no choices for me: as so often happens in life, things changed in that one minute, that split-second that I went from healthy teenager to a person with a chronic illness. One day, I had my health, a normal-average life all set up for myself, and the next, I had a story to tell. The story I tell here: my story.

All I've been doing, ever since the beginning of this unexpected story, is searching for the pieces, trudging, trying not to drown along the way.


And who isn't?

I'm a little Lost....

Tonight's episode of Lost didn't hit any high notes for me, but these comments, from the Open Thread over at MamaPop, did:


Amanda:
"because honestly? ben, as my husband exclaimed during his brief wake-up from anesthesia, is “probably the creepiest fucker on television today.”

Amanda :
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
and i was all, “nope, PAULA ABDUL.” and he was all, “touche.”
--------------------------------------


lily
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
I saw an interview with the Ben guy on E! and he was just as creepy as his for-reals self.


KJ
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
He’s definitely Creepy McGee


Amy
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that the actor who plays Ben probably doesn’t have a huge career in Romantic Comedies ahead of him.

134 lily
Feb 7th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
hugh grant, he is not.

---------------------------------------

Because, HOLY CRAP, how freaky was it when he opened his eyes? ICK.

Cuz I needed some time-a-wastin, crazy ego boosts....

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I do not like that they don't tell you which ones you miss. (I'm pretty sure it was the math.... math is not my friend.)

Dude! You're 100% from Massachusetts!

Dude! Me and Sully and Fitzie and Sean are gonna hit Landsdowne tonight after the game, hang out at the Beerworks. I'll pick you up at the Coop at 6.

How Massachusetts are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Yah, that's a shocka.

Your Final Score Was 77%

Good Job! You definitely know your TV theme songs. It might be possible that you are watching too much television.

Guess the Theme Song
Take More Quizzes

Hmm... I could've done better. Next time, no Daily Show while quizzing.

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Another Shocker. Particularly the non-reader = 0 part.

Good News!

My presh-us is back! The CompUSA people have fixed and returned my computer in a very efficient manner. Which is good, because of the withdrawals, people. You don't realize how much you are abusing Wikipedia until you don't have it at your instant beck and call. I had urgent Googlish needs: Does the In Death novella from Out of this World come before or after Betrayal In Death? What version of Windows Media Player is current? Who sings this song that's stuck in my head??? All vital, vital questions, I know.

But, I made it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, actually. One week laptop-less is not the end of the world. I'm just glad to have it back, so I can talk to all of you fine people again.

And check PostSecret. And ADWOFF. And all of my beautiful Bloglines!

It's a little bit sad, isn't it? Oh well. I don't care.

Here we go again

I'm off to deliver my laptop to the CompUSA guys, in the hopes of having an actually functioning USB port. Who knows what my chances are? I'll be checking in on my parent's land line, but not as often, because it doesn't live in my room. So... till then, have a happy Monday (and only a Monday, right? Cuz I'll totally have it back by tonight... right CompUSA guys? ....) or whatever comes next.

Oh, and if you feel like it, you can check out the best shots of last week via Picture This, here.

My best shot from the past week was this one, of Baby Girl, messy face and all --->

Be back soon!

Misadventures in Closed Captioning...

Live, at the Screen Actor's Guild!

Thomas "Hatin" Church, with co-nominee Robert "De Value"


Oh, and also? Could somebody please tell actresses that bras are not optional pieces of an outfit? Please?

I meant to say ...

One of the reasons I keep this blog anonymous (or, mostly anonymous), is that I need to be able to write things like this post without worrying that my family will come across it while random Googling. Because I need this space to be able to say things I know would be hurtful to them, or worrisome, or just none of their frickin business. Because I need to be able to say what I need to say, get some things out of my head, without worrying about how this one or that one would take it.

And in the past two weeks, I've written very little, but only because I've had so much to say.

Because I've somehow found myself in the middle of everybody's lives, and I don't know what to do. Note: the following rant is long and self-pitying. Feel free to skip.

In the past little while, I've learned the following things:

- that my suspicions have been justified: Oldest Brother has been stealing and abusing my prescription drugs (and the drugs of others). For months. I am afraid, hurt, angry, disappointed, enraged, confused, scared, conflicted, and a million other things about this. And I'm so unsure as to what comes next.

- that Youngest Sister/SisterK has an entire lost family who found her through MySpace. And that she's been slacking off in school, with her violin, in her exams, since she got a new boyfriend. This is one of those mixed blessings: at 18, and without either of her natural parents, SisterK has a lot of questions. So this new set of aunts and cousins (from her mother's side), is a wonderful thing for her. It's also "hell-a confusing," and comes on top of a lack of focus/bit of senoritis on her part.

- that SisterJ didn't get the promotion she'd been hoping for. Or the loan. Or the new, cheap apartment she'd been promised. And that her depression isn't getting much better (Gee, I wonder why?)

- that my favorite cousin is finally pregnant, but they aren't telling anybody yet, because it's too early & it's taken so long to get here, so she's really worried that things could still go horribly wrong.

- that my Grandmother's sight is getting so much worse that they're telling her to be prepared for the fact that she'll probably be totally blind in one eye, within the next year. This is the Grandmother who, like me, takes such pleasure in reading.

- that my body is still in the running to be America's Most Screwed-Up Body, even though I'd really like to bow out of the competition.

- that the uncle we don't talk to (AKA, one of The People Upstairs) quit his job. Which means that my grandmother is NEVER. GOING. TO. EVICT. THEM. Regardless of her promises. NEVER.

- that SisterC is still fighting with the boyfriend-she-moved-in-with on a daily basis. And that, sometimes, she's afraid of him. And they live 45 minutes away, so what am I supposed to do with that information? She won't leave him; she doesn't want anybody to talk about it at all, even.


It's really been one of those weeks where, even though you try to remind yourself that things could get worse, it's hard to see how. Until it does. And, not everybody knows everything: I'm keeping this part from my parents, keeping that part from one of my sisters. And, so much of it is stuff I can't control, so I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels.

I seem to be the only one who knows almost everything, and it's like a physical weight. It's so hard to decipher, 12 years into it, what I would feel like if all this were going on & I wasn't sick. How different my reactions would be. It's also stupid to try: it doesn't matter, since I am sick. This is where I am, this is where I have to deal with these things from.

It's also, just now, feeling a bit one sided. (Ok, maybe 8-vs-1 sided, if that makes more sense:) Everybody can come to me, everybody's problems are on my shoulders, but who can I go to? How many sympathetic ears are available to me? And this is not all their fault: a lot of it is me - I find it so difficult to explain myself, or ask for the emotional support I need, when they are all fufilling so many of my physical needs already. Or, so many of my issues are so longstanding, so unchanged that going over them again seems unbearable/useless.

So it's good to have this outlet, to be able to just dump it all here and not worry (too much)about overburdening someone whose plate is already full or being overly melodramatic. Even if no one was out there listening, it would be good to have this place to just let it all out.

And the fact that you guys are listening? Is just overwhelmingly appreciated.

Because just having this place, just being able to blurt it all out & not worry that someone will be hurt further, is so important to me.

Today is Blog for Choice Day, and the question to be answered is "Why are you Pro-Choice?"

This is something I was kind of iffy about being involved in, at first.
Mostly because I don't feel overly qualified to talk about being pro-choice: Unlike so many other women, it's an abstract ideal to me, something that has never come into play in my own life. For reasons we've talked about here, my life as a young woman has been as far from normal as you can get. So I have never had to deal with, firsthand, the issues surrounding unwanted pregnancies. I feel a little bit unqualified to preach on the subject.

And yet.

And yet, I am a young woman who has been faced with making numerous, life-altering decisions about my body. I'm a young woman who's had to make difficult choices about treatments and procedures that have changed the path my life has taken. I am a woman who will continue to make these decisions for myself, never knowing if I am making the right choice, only knowing that I have to choose.

My decisions have been medical in nature, but they've also been influenced by my ideals & my goals for my future; social & familial pressures; the best information that's available to me; financial restraints; where I've been in my life - healthwise, professionally, or personally; & what I thought I could handle at that specific time.

And, if you think about it, all of these things - all of these factors and fears and issues - are the things that come into play when you're talking about a woman's right to choose.

Now, deciding to have an abortion - or to continue a pregnancy - is entirely different from deciding whether or not you opt in for the next dangerous treatment, or decline to undergo the next potentially harmful test. They're not the same, in so many ways. But they are the same in one very important way: My body - My choice.

That's what it all boils down to, I guess; All my untested ideas about what I would do in that situation, or how I would counsel my friend or one of my sisters, should she find herself in need of my help. It all comes down to ---> Her body, her choice.

It may seem simplistic, perhaps even naive, but I don't expect that my parents or my significant other, even a doctor would be able to override any other medical decision I might make. Or that there could be a law denying me the right to make these decisions: it's ludicrous to even imagine that such a law could be passed. Not in our country.

Why should this decision - even though it's got a zillion different aspects to it, when you come to the core of it, this medical decision - be any different?

Comment away: I'd like to hear your takes on it.

One of the things I love, love, love about having my laptop is that I can - & do - leave it on all the time. (I'm in denial about having to bring it back this week. De-ni-al.)

On and online, almost all the time.

It's fabulous because anytime I have even the slightest thought about something, I can type it right into this here blog (and save it as a draft, so you poor people don't get messy in the explosion from my brain). I can go right to my library and request any random book I hear mentioned on TV or read about in a magazine. If there's a song I want to hear more of, or a recipe I can't remember: it's all right here.

Also, most frequently, I can use it to fill my head with more useless trivia.

And the gold standard for answering questions - any tiny little question that pops into my head - is Wikipedia.
Wikipedia has solved a million, trivial issues for me.

Today's example:

Re-reading a book, I came across the phrase Tinker to Evers to Chance. It was obviously a baseball reference, but I am obviously NOT a baseball person. But, I love history, and poems, so imagine how great it was to type the phrase into Wikipedia and get this response.

Ah.. Wikipedia. What did we ever do without you?

Something I'm not going to want to explain to the tech guys

How Nerds wound up in my keyboard.

Thankfully, that didn't happen (it was a close call though).

Sometime in the next week or so, my laptop has to go back to CompUSA for yet another tweaking. I've had the computer for 2 years now, and this is its second such check-up. Last time, I wound up having to mail it back to HP, where they replaced the hard drive. I was not exactly pleased, but it would freeze-up randomly, and that was kind of prohibitive.

This time, two of my three USB ports have just quit working. As in, one day they worked, the next day... zip. And the third one is kind of temperamental. So... Having uninstalled and reinstalled the drivers, and given the fact that the Device Manager tells me they are working perfectly, and after three different tech guys (who all think I am very stupid), it's got to go back. Again.

But first, I've got to back up my hard drive, just in case they decide to wipe me out again. Which means I need to buy an external hard drive, which wasn't exactly in my budget, but I'm figuring it out. I'd appreciate any brands to look for/stay away from, if you know anything about this kind of thing.

In other news, the steroids were definitely making the flare worse. Not very nice of them, and completely in opposition to everything Zack (my doc) would expect them to do. Yet another example of NTE's completely freakish body, when, seriously, we had plenty of evidence already, thank you very much.

False advertising

Today, I finally got around to watching my Netflix copy of Little Miss Sunshine. Now, I've heard nothing but good things about this movie since it came out this summer, and I think that really interfered with my enjoyment of it.


One of the problems with never going to the movies (Once in 7 years, people.) & waiting for it to come around to my turn in the grander Netflix queue is that I've seen a lot of the best parts of a movie already. Between little clips here and there, commercials, & what people tell me, a lot of the key parts of the movie I've already experienced. So they're not that big of a deal in the movie. I'm not surprised by the things that probably should be surprising.

But I think what happened with LMS was about hype. I kept hearing about how funny it was, how it was one of the funniest movies of the year, of the past few years; it has Steve Carell in it, and any of my Daily Show people is a must see for me; the commercials were cut to make it appear like some lighthearted comedy; everyone agreed: FUNNY MOVIE.

So I went into it expecting it to be hil- ar -ious. And... it wasn't, really.

It was sad and moving and heartbreakingly realistic and a lot of other things, but it wasn't laugh out loud funny (for the most part - more about that later).

So as I sat there watching it, I was let down that it wasn't turning out to be sooo funny. And I was almost to the point where I was going to just shut it off, I was so not in the mood for what it was offering me.

I was grumbling though, watching it. Thinking of all the reviewers and sisters (bad sisters) who had misled me. Giving the movie a pretty poor rating in my head - almost hating it.

I stuck it out though, and came around to the last 10 minutes of the movie. Which were AMAZING. And immediately bumped the movie waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up in my estimation.

So, I'll forgive all those critics and reviews and sisters, because the last 10 minutes made up for all of it.

But, it's still not some lighthearted comedy, people.

Bring tissues instead.

So, it's Tuesday

(trust me, even knowing the days of the week is a HUGE improvement over last week).

Hi everybody! I want to thank you all, again, for all the warm thoughts and well wishes: I want to post about the flare, and at the same time I don't. Because I am sick.to.death. of it. The worst (of this one anyways) seems to have passed, and for that I am very, very grateful.

So, let me start with some cleaning up:


PowersTwinB said...
Hi, I am new to blogger...I was wondering if you could please give me the URL for the But You Don't Look Sick board? I have fibromyagia and arthritis...sounds just like my kind of place...And please come and visit my new blog?

PowersTwinB: I will certainly stop by your new blog: welcome to the blogosphere! The address for the BYDLS boards is: (trickily enough)www.butyoudontlooksick.com/boards: it is a fabulous and welcoming community, so please stop by.

To the e-mailer anon, who asked if I could, specifically, talk about my diagnoses. No. But only because everytime I go to the doctors, they fiddle with them all a little bit more. But the things that just about everybody seems to agree on are these:
Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. On that page, you cn find most of my other diagonses as well: Fibromyalgia, Postural Orthostatic Hypotensive Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (aka the "I am allergic to everysinglethingevermade syndrome") & most of my symptoms. The CFIDS diagnosis is pretty much useless: it's a clump of conditions with various causes and nobody really knows why they clump together the way they do. It's a blast. Particularly the hit-or-miss aspect to treatments. Fun and games, I tell you.

Under the umbrella of CFIDS comes the various things that make my everyday so enjoyable: an immune system that lacks the capability to protect me from illnesses (hypogammaglobunemia), asthma, chronic sinusitus, brain fog, and on and on. In the past few years, the pain aspect of the syndrome - the Fibromyalgia, it seems - has claimed center stage. Most of my efforts have been focused on getting that - just the overwhelming pain - into some sort of managable form.
This has shown me two things, really: 1) A person can live with an obscene amount of pain, even when they may wish it otherwise and 2) Very little else matters, when you're in that kind of pain. This past week, for example, had the house been on fire, I don't think I would have noticed. And if I did notice, I doubt very much that I would've cared: there was only me and the pain and the idea of not making more pain.

Ah, see what I did there? I said I wasn't going to talk about it, and then I did. Boo.

Anyways, that wraps up all the loose ends, I think; I should be back later with something completely different to talk about (even if I have to make it up!)

Thanks again, for sticking!

Peek-a-boo!

I am feeling semi-human again, and, now that my brain has kicked back in, I'm missing all of my inter-web-peoples. So, I'm hoping to be back tomorrow, full of posting goodness. (Also, I will answer some of the e-mails/comments that I've been meaning to get to. I promise. First thing.)

I have nothing positive to say. In fact, while I hate just leaving you all hanging, my brain is having a hard time stringing together more than two words in any logical way. This flare is reminding me just how horrible these stupid diseases can be.

BUT, I seem to be heading towards the downswing --> the beginning of the week was confined to dark rooms & tears, pain so fierce it made me throw up, & a fotress of pillows that were all too hard. So this is a step in the right direction. I hope to be back soon (I've had an entry in my head about how some people know me, and why I still want this to be an 'anonymous'-ish blog). And will try to wander through the 400+ entries that await me in my Bloglines account, because I find myself wodering what's going on with all of you. I appreciate all the well wishes, wholeheartedly.

Oh god, you are all so lucky Blogger wasn't working earlier. Because I am all over the place today, and the rant I wrote got eaten. I'm taking that as a sign to post about something much nicer: the holiday surprises roundup!

Remember the Secret Santa post?


Ice Cream Mama helped me out right off the bat, fufilling three wishes on the very day I posted. She doesn't wear smelly stuff, recycles and gives to charity. Ice Cream Mama should get some bonus points, people. Plus, she was a new-to-me blogger, so I got a new friend in the bargain!


A few days later, yet another wish came true, when I found this in my inbox:

Hello, I’m the executive producer at snapfish and wanted to give you your Christmas wish. I need your first and last name and email address and I’ll add 50 print credits to your account.

Btw- I tried the candycane kisses they are AMAZING!!

Thanks for using snapfish!!!

deanna dawson
executive producer snapfish.com by hp

HOLY SNAPFISH, Batman! I could not believe it. And Deanna was true to her word ~ I soon found my Snapfish account credited 50 pictures. That I then used (plus 150 or so more) when I uploaded our Christmas photo bonanza. They certainly came in handy, and I could not have been more surprised or pleased: the fact that someone from the company took the time & did this really means a lot to me, as a consumer. It was just a plain old nice thing to do, and it much appreciated by me, I can tell you.

Also, Deanna shared with me a love for the CandyCane Kisses. I think, perhaps I may have not stated enough how much I love these Kisses. I may have explained it best in my reply to Deanna's e-mail: I really can't thank you enough! And the Candy Cane Kisses? I'm thinking about buying some bags and sticking them in the fridge, because what am I going to do when I go to the store and the guy says they don't have any because it's seasonal? For all of our safety, I think freezing some will be best.

Cross out "thinking about," and replace it with "Have asked Mum to empty the freezer & buy every single bag she sees," and you might get an inkling as to my passion for the CandyCane Kisses.

So, I guess Secret Santas really do exist, and it was a pleasant surprise to learn it!

On another front, there was the Secret Spoonies exchange that I was lucky enough to participate in over at the But You Don't Look Sick message boards. If you're not familiar with the board, it's for people with chronic (and often invisible) illnesses, and it's a place where I find a lot of comfort and support. On the boards, spoons are a symbol of good health, energy, resources, etc. (It's based on the founder of the BYDLS site, Christine's very true and still understandable Spoon Theory of what it's like, living with chronic illness.)

The Secret Spoonie Exchange was wonderful! I found an extendable spoon online, here , that I sent, along with random other goodies, to my spoonie.

And my Secret Spoonie sent me enough Texas Loot to give me a drawl. I got texas jelly beans, a texas flag, and a texas spoon.

And the cutest part was a day of the week pill container, each day filled with little candies ~ what a great idea!!! Candies as medicine: definitely my kind of person!

It was another wonderful experience, and the best part has been reading all the posts from everyone: it's a real community. It's so nice to feel like a part of something that special.


Yet another special community welcomed me this holiday season: the B-List Bloggers let me join in their Holiday Ornament Exchange. I got the lovely
Green 3, who I sent her very own Christmas Kelly, a Rubix Cube keychain, and a homemade ornament of a picture of her family, taken on their Las Vegas trip this year (which Blogger doesn't want me to show you). I read through her archives, got to add yet another name to my bloglines account.

And my B-List Blogger did an A+ job of researching me a bit, because she sent me a Christmas Kelly to add to the parade! The person who sent me the Kelly (and a very nice note!) was Jannie Funster. Thank You, so much Jannie! She was not a duplicate Kelly, and has a place of honor in the parade.

I still have one more holiday item to wrap-up, but it's going to have to wait.


(Still not talking about the flare: we do not acknowledge the flare ... except to say... Ouch.)

December Perfect Post

Got some links for you, since I'm still on the DL.

Here's the roundup for December's perfect Posts

For Laughs:

Mom 101's Oy Tannenbaum

Giant's 10 Best Fake Movie Trailers of the Year

The better titles for the last Harry Potter book, over at Violet's Quill

Jennie's rant about Christmas Music I hate that stupid shoes song too.


More seriously, I'm in love with just about every single post over at The Happiness Project . Her idea of working towards happiness is a real goal, and that you need to put it on project status? Genius. So often, I'm stuck doing things that make me unhappy, and forget that there are things I can control to make myself happier. Must remember!

But my perfect post award goes to Melissa, over at Suburban Bliss, for her Christmas Lesson post.

Her striking honesty, her fearless ability to take stock of her own strengths and weaknesses, and the fact that she usually makes me laugh while doing so make her a must read to begin with. But this post, and particularly this line:

I thought I felt like a shitty mother because she was afraid of school but wow, I found a new level of feeling like a shitty mother when my daughter told me she was sorry she was afraid.

are remarkable. I know we all have those days, where the kid's hang ups are getting in the way of our busy schedules, and that it can be soo hard to remember then, in those moments, that what we do or say will leave a lasting impact. When Youngest Nephew told me he was afraid of my "mean voice" it made me feel like I was the worst aunt ever. EVER. And made me seriously reevaluate almost everything about the way I communicate with him. That's one of the wonders of the blogosphere, that you can connect with people who you've never met, but somehow share experiences with. Melissa's post was, for sure, this month's Perfect Post

Housekeeping....

As the Old Year winds down and the New Year inches closer, I still have a million things I've got to do, and no real energy with which to do them. Right now, it's hard to think past the flare, which I don't want to think about anymore. Instead let me just do a quick catch up, so all you lovely people won't think I've forgotten you:


- Dear Blogger Ornament Exchange-r, I just wanted to let you know that I received my Ornament, am very pleased with it, and will post on that topic as soon as my flare lets up a bit.

- Ditto Secret Santa players: I have been extremely lucky this Christmas to have been nicely surprised more than once, by quite a few people. It is a wonderful feeling.

- I was also able to surprise a few people myself, and that's an amazing feeling as well.



The telling of these stories is important, and should wait until my brain is clear(er) and I can tell them correctly. Thanks for your patience.

That said, I just want to wish everyone the Very Best in the New Year.

And thank you all for sharing your time & your hearts with me this past year.

Does anybody else

have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is?

Just me?

Oh well.

Until about an hour ago, I was sure it was Sunday. And then when I went to watch what I thought should be on the t.v., lo and behold... not.

So, it's Saturday, people! Are you doing anything fun?

I'm resting, reading all the magazines I stockpiled before Christmas, knowing some downtime would be required right about now. It's been a long strange week, my friends. A long, strange year, at that. I'm looking forward to a new ~ hopefully better ~ one.

Finishing up the old...

Here's the last half of my year in pictures:

Falalalala

I'm totally not talking about the flare. Talking about it is in direct opposition of my current plan: totally ignoring it.

So.

I've seen a meme going around of the first lines from each month. That's no good for me, since my first post every month is a Perfect Post award. But I would like to do a little look back. Here's a year's worth of pictures - one of my favorites from each month.

So here's a pick of January through June:

Sister C, on her 20th birthday.

A toast to SisterJ on her birthday.


Baby Girl's bunting (originally planned for her big brother, and finished six years later), by Mum.




Youngest Nephew, being his adorable self in April.






And here's Baby Girl, less than a week old, in her usual good cheer.




And Youngest Sister, SisterK, getting ready for her Jr. Prom, the first week of June.

More to follow (hopefully tomorrow).

Thanks for the well-wishes, all. I'll get there: flares are par for the course around here

Things I probably should've noticed before now

that the captions for the local news CAPITALIZES certain words. & I've figured out why, too: they're the teleprompter words, and the CAPITALS are telling the anchors which words to punch. I figured it out last night, following this: "A mother of ELEVEN is killed in a hit and run accident." I don't watch the news because it is so upsetting. So this little teaser seemed vulgar, somehow... and just... WRONG.


The flare continues, so that's all I've got for you today.

Tidings of comfort

I'm loathe to leave you all with the impression that my holiday was less than happy: the 2 a.m., Christmas-morning-post-amid-the-drunks was not the sum total of my Christmas experience: Indeed, it was most merry, overall.

However, as is my custom, I am now flaring, so the happy, oh-my-goodness-did-we-have-a-good-time- post will have to wait a bit.

I just wanted to wish you all a happy holiday once again (because, if you are anything like my family, you are certainly still celebrating in some way.) And to assure you all that I my day did improve. Thank you all for your happy thoughts & best wishes.

"It's Christmas... and I'm singing..."

and my dad is driving me crazy. This is neither new or unusual.

Also, I am seriously reconsidering my role as the only teetotaler (of age) in my family. Because being stone cold sober (well, except for my meds, which totally aren't cutting it, painwise) while everybody else is decidedly not?

Is soo much fun.

My favorite thing about drunk people? The repeating: they repeat what they've said, they make you repeat what you said, they tell the same story 52 friggin' times. And it wasn't even funny the first, trust me.

I'm going to enjoy this Christmas, Truly. But right now?

I'm all over this togetherness crap, and probably should go to bed, as other people's drunkenness brings out the mean in me.

--------------------------------------------------

On the other hand, I do hope you have the VERY HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!

May Santa bring you everything you need/want/deserve.

Love, Never That Easy

There's magic in the air...

There's a special, holiday Postsecret up today.

I'll wish you all a Happy Christmas Eve, and leave you with a Muppet Song:


Muppet Christmas Carol





There's magic in the air this evening
Magic in the air
The world is at her best, you know
When people love and care
The promise of excitment is one the night will keep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

The world has gotta smile today
The world has gotta glow
There's no such thing as strangers
When a stranger says "Hello"
And everyone is family, we're havin' so much fun
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas

'Tis the season to be jolly and joyous
With a burst of pleasure we feel it all right
It's a season when the Saints can employ us
To spread the news about peace and to keep love alive

There's somethin' in the wind today that's good for everyone
Yes, faith is our hearts today, we're shinin' like the sun
And everyone can feel it, the feelin's runnin' deep
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas
After all there's only one more sleep till Christmas day

"Oh, What a Wonderful Child"

Grab the Scavenger Hunt code. Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

Here are my lovelies, in LINE for Santa:




I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Shiny ...

Be Distracted;



Be Very, Very Distracted!

"How do you measure it's worth...

just by the pleasure it gives here on Earth."

A simple phone call from Youngest Nephew, who I miss so much now that he's not here with us everyday.

Being able to help somebody out, unexpectedly.

Christmas Specials: on TV, on Youtube (Vintage, 80s, Christmas commercials: whatever you want), on hideously jumpy homemade video tapes on their last legs.

Wrapping presents, all day long.

I measure it's been a pretty good day.

How bout you?

Maybe it's much too early in the game...

In response to ProBlogger's Review/Preview challenge, I thought I'd do a little review of my year.

So, here it is: the Hits and Misses of 2006

Hit NaBloPoMo: Requiring more of myself & signing up to post every single day have been really great for me, I think. Not only have more people stopped by to read, but it gives me a great sense of accomplishment to know that I can set & reach this kind of a goal. (Today is day 50, btw.)

-----


Miss Splashing the teeny-tiniest amount of water on my laptop.

-----

Hit - Lyrica. This new pill has helped keep my base pain level at it's barely tolerable level (8 out of 10, most days). The fact that I am grateful for an 8/10 is, in itself, quite sad, however the 'keeping things from getting worse' properties of a pill cannot be overlooked in this circumstance.

Miss twelve other drug combinations I've tried this year. 12. I start a new drug tomorrow, though, so we'll all hope it goes in the hit column.

-----

Hit Adding Baby Girl to our family!

-----

Miss - The cancellation of The West Wing

Hit - Studio 60

-----

Hit The Saturday Scavenger Photo Hunt - Again, a reachable goal & new visitors added this to the plus column this year. What put it over the top is that it encouraged me to learn more about/play with my digital camera and photo editing software. Something I enjoy, now that I (mostly) know what the hell I am doing.

-----

Miss Painters Tape - which has failed me to impress me with it's abilities to make Christmas Cards stick to the door or photographs stay straight in their frames.

-----

Miss My stupid, oversensitive nose. And Tar, in all of it's various forms.


------
Hit November & its Democratic Sweep.

Miss No impeachment.

------

Miss OnlyBrother & S-T-B SIL moving twice in one year. Particularly since they moved farther away and took YoungestNephew and BabyGirl with them. Not happy about this. Very bad decision on their parts (which they are now regretting, but what good does that do any of us?)

-----

Hit Books. Ah, Books.
(Enough so that I'm planning a whole 2006-book post!)
-----


----

Hit Candy Cane Kisses. Seriously, people: must stock up in the event that January actually comes and the store doesn't sell them anymore. Physical harm might occur to any salesperson telling me they are out, otherwise.

-----

Miss Still not standing up for myself when I should.

----

Hit The Daily Show/Colbert Nation dyad.

-----

Miss Biopsies - 'nuf said.

-----

Hit Getting along with most of my family, most of the time

-----

Hit Having lots of new internet-y friends to wish a 'Happy Holiday' to.

That's you, in case you wondered.

Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God"

When I was younger, I was in my church's Christmas pageant every year for about 5 years running. I started out as an angel, one of the multitudes. We all wore curtains fashioned into robes and wings made out of cardboard, and sang "Glory to God in the Highest" when Sister Eleanor gave us our cue. It was a bit part, certainly, but I got to wear WINGS.

A year or two later, I was moved up to 'head angel:' Generally, this meant I was responsible for corralling all the other, younger angels. I was to keep them from falling off the altar or shoving each other in order to see the Baby Jesus doll.

The year after that, I got my first speaking part: I was still an angel (and by then our costumes had improved so that we were wearing nightgowns instead of curtains, and glitter on our cardboard wings), but now I was an angel with a line! Specifically, I was the angel that Linus talks about in A Charlie Brown Christmas: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were afraid. And the angel (that's me!) said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord." That was my big line: "Fear Not! For unto you a Savior is born."
I delivered my line, then headed back to my angelic hordes just in time to take a little cherub to the bathroom. She decided to discard her wings on the way off the altar, where they were later trampled by three wisemen and about 14 shepherds.

Now, I was pretty happy with my part: I liked being in charge of all the younger kids; liked that I had a line, and that I could say it without throwing up all over everybody. But...

I really wanted to be Mary.

The part of Mary wasn't exactly spectacular ~ Mary didn't have much to say; she and Joseph mostly moved along to the beat of the narrator, trudging through the 15 feet in front of the altar & back again as they made the trek to Bethlehem. Her costume wasn't better than mine, certainly: a pillow tied under a blue curtain dress, accented by a white handkerchief tied around her head. Not a wing to be found.

But I still wanted to be her. Because, we all know it: if you're a girl, Mary's the good role.

My final year in the pageant, I'd been a reader on the altar for two or three years (this was before girls could be altar servers, btw: that's only changed in the last 10 years or so); I had been teaching CCD for a while; I filled in at the Rectory when the priests needed someone to answer the phones. In short, I was kind of a church fixture.

And I thought I had Mary's role in the bag.

Our pageant wasn't too big of a deal: we'd rehearse maybe three times in the weeks leading up to the Children's Mass on Christmas Eve. So, when the first week of December rolled around, and the first pageant rehearsal was set, I showed up at the convent, ready and willing to try on the blue curtain.

As I'm sure you've guessed, I didn't get to play Mary that year either. I had, in fact, wound up with the largest role in the whole thing: the narrator. I had to read the entire Christmas story, beginning to end, while others acted out what I recited. And it was an honor. And I was glad to end my Christmas pageant-ing with a bang: my parents & grandparents were so proud; After mass, the priest came and thanked me for doing such a wonderful job; and I did feel really great that I had made it through quite a long passage without incident (trust me, on other days? Incidents galore.). But...

I was still kind of upset that I never got to be Mary.

"I pray on Christmas...

he'll get me through another day."

Because Christmas & CFIDS are kicking my ass, people.

But, bonus, I did finish my shopping today (I think).

Which is good, because I fell out of my chair once today already, and I don't like it when that happens.


Rest, wrapping, rest.

A doc appointment on Wednesday; Baby Girl tomorrow and Thursday; a ton of pictures to scan in the next week, before SisterS comes and takes them home with her; baking, oh, and CHRISTMAS.

So, a few things that gotta get doen this week.

Back to the bonuses: Christmas shopping done. Christmas tree smelling good.

The End.

Fa lalalala la la la la...

Nope, You're Not a Grinch

Although you may feel Grinch-like at times, it's just because you're worn out from the holidays. You get into the holiday spirit more than most people - and you truly enjoy celebrating with your family and friends.

Are You a Grinch?

In case you were wondering.

You Are a Cranberry and Popcorn Strung Tree

Christmas is all about showcasing your creative talents. From cookies to nicely wrapped presents, your unique creations impress everyone.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

You know, I've never strung popcorn. But we did used to make those construction paper chains every year. And I do love to wrap. Seriously, I could wrap your presents for you, if you weren't so far away.

Your Christmas Song Is

Frosty the Snowman Frosty the Snowman Was a jolly happy soul With a corncob pipe and a button nose And two eyes made out of coal Snowball fights, sledding, and tons of hot chocolate with candy canes. Christmas is all about reliving the adventures of your youth.

What Christmas Carol Are You?

Ok; except that wheelchair + snow = totally stuck. But I'll have the hot chocolate.

You Are an Angel

A truly giving soul, you understand the spirit of Christmas.

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

:Brushes off Wings:

Your Christmas is Most Like: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Christmas is a big, boisterous event at your place. And no matter what, something hilarious usually happens.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

I don't know if 'hilarious' is the right word...

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With a Puppy

Well - one cute, soft, cuddly puppy... And a very soiled Christmas stocking.

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

Ha.

Wanna play? Check out
Blogthings

"The Christmas Shoes" = Annoying

Grab the Scavenger Hunt code. Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

Here are some other things that fit the bill:

People taking your picture when you obviously do not want your picture taken:









Even though I am totally one of those people: I took this picture of Big/OnlyBrother, Thanksgiving 2000. He does not like to be disturbed while eating.
















Pictures that make you look high, even though you are obviously not (only obviously because SisterJ is 7 and I am 10 in these pictures.)















And people who think, just because we're grown-ups, that we're going to sleep in on Christmas. HA!

On the third day of Christmas...

... my neighbors gave to me:

4th emergency evacuation this year!

Woo hoo!

Am defecting (yet again) to my Grandmother's house, due to smells. This time, the neighbor three houses down has decided to repave their driveway. My house reeks of an odd kerosene/gas smell, and, while my room is ok (with the door closed); I can't even get to the bathroom.

Also, Mum's got a doctor's appointment, so I'd be alone in the house, and if the smell crept under my door, I would have no way of escaping. So, off I go, yet again.

Hopefully, the smell will clear out today, because I still have a ton of stuff to do.
(And I kind of need to be here to do it.)

Off I go!

"They're singing deck the halls

but it's not like Christmas at all."

Because we don't have a tree yet, people. I needs me a tree. I need the smell of the tree, the knowing it's in the other room, all lit up and shiny. I need to hear the slight whir of the mechanical kids sliding down their ornament banister, over and over again. I need to know that all of our names are somewhere on that tree, and that Baby Girl's name will be added this year. These are things I need.

It's not that I'm not Christmasy already (cuz, obviously, I am); it's just that I miss the tree. And if it was something I could do myself? You know it would be up already. But I am not the boss of that, and all of Mum's good intentions have fallen through so far this week.

I'm counting on Saturday, though.

Saturday better equal tree, if these Scrooges know what's good for them.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas

I may have overestimated how much I could get done in a reasonable amount of time this year. (As if I haven't done it every other year?)

I'm doing pretty well with my family, so far:

The two people whose names I drew are getting thoughtful and pretty excellent presents, if I do say so myself. I only need wrapping paper for them.

Youngest Nephew & Baby Girl were easy to shop for, and I only need one more thing for each of them.

Both of my grandmothers are getting 'homemade' gifts from Snapfish: a calendar for one, a small book for the other.

I've got Christmas Kellys for everyone's stockings, as well as all the free stuff I've collected all year. (This is a great tip, btw: I'm a freebie fiend, and I sign up for them all year long. This year I've gotten everything from trial size shampoos & conditioners, to finger puppets, to chewing gum. I collect it all year, and will be able to contribute to the stockings pretty easily.)

That said, though, with 12 days left, not nearly enough of my list is completed:

Oldest Nephew, who I don't know as well, has yet to produce a list. And SisterJ, who was supposed to get some ideas for us, can remember only that "He wants a toy that starts with A... Maybe Avia? Something?" As you can imagine, this is not very useful.

Blogger Ornament Exchange: Hello, this means you have to buy and ship an ornament ASAP, fruit loop. Yeah, I probably should've thought of that before I signed up, right?

Same goes for the Spoonie Secret Santa exchange, from the But You Don't Look Sick messageboards. Must now by and ship Spoonie presents.

*I really want to participate in these things, by the way. I just have to get over the idea of the 'perfect' present, and do my best for each. I already have some great ideas, from reading my BOE blogger's site & my Spoonie's 'about you' page. It's the getting out there to shop now that it's too late to online shop for these presents thing that's a worry.*

I also still need presents for my best friend/ex-college roommate; SisterC & her boyfriend (who declined being included in the swap, b/c they are difficult & let's not even go there, b/c then I will rant about buying presents for people that I don't really like and how impossible it is); & birthday gifts for Mum, SisterC & her boyfriend, Dad & SisterJ (we're in the middle of my family clump, people; everybody but me and the kids has their birthday between November & February).

So, it's split about 60/40 right now. 60% done, 40% to go. Not too bad, but I'd like it to be better.

How about you guys? What's your ratio lookin like?

We three

Rennifej, over at 100 miles from where, had a meme up the other day, and, as we all know, I like to steal them. (PS, if you spell my real name backwards? The beginning of it is a curse word: so Rennifej has one up on me.)

So, here's the Three Meme

Three things that scare me: losing the people I love, never getting better, being too afraid to do something I should do
Three people who make me laugh: Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert (who I am counting as 1, because, to me they are like salt & pepper: Don't spilt them up), Dane Cook, Baby Girl
Three things I love: My family, reading, far away friends
Three things I hate: people who won't do the right thing, being late, not standing up to bullies
Three things I don't understand: the Former-Family-people-upstairs-situation, inequality, why change takes so long
Three things on my desk: my pills, piles & piles, a printer in need of a cord
Three things I'm doing right now: talking to you nice people, listening to a movie, wondering about dinner
Three things I want to do before I die: be well, have kids/grandkids, live on my own
Three things I can do: I can make beautiful flowers out of Playdough/Modeling Clay (and I can make the playdough/clay myself too), play a mean game of Trivial Pursuit, & write strong letters for/against vital issues
Three things you should listen to: Your parents & your kids (as much as possible), something that helps you relax
Three things you should never listen to: bullies, smoke alarms, the majority 'just because'
Three things I'd like to learn: what the hell CFS/ME is, and how to cure it; why people don't make the changes that need to be made on important issues like Global Warming or Iraq; how to decorate a cake
Three favorite foods: White Chocolate, melted cheese, and a perfectly ripe piece of fruit (but not together)
Three beverages I drink regularly: water, tea, root beer
Three TV shows I watched as a kid: Only three? How's about Romper Room, Duck Tales, & Special Delivery (random enough?)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

And here, that means parade of the Christmas Kellys.

Did I mention I still live with my parents, and therefore have one, relatively small, room of my own? And how I try to save all my energy right now for vital things: like people, and presents, and cards; rather than decorating?

Hence the parade of the Christmas Kellys. Little dolls are the best I can do, people.


Plus, they're sooo cute, aren't they?






Lest you think I am a grown woman who plays with dolls all day, I must explain how the CK parade came to be: The Christmas Kelly tradition started about 4 years ago, when I saw a Kelly, dressed in her Christmas best, that had one of my sister's names. And she had this look, like my sister gets. And the more I looked around, the more I found Kellys that were like my sisters (One with giraffes, another playing an instrument, etc). So every Christmas, they each get one in their stocking. (And I treat myself to my favorite, too.)

Then, last Christmas, I got a package with 5 of them together. So now, we have the Christmas Kelly Parade.






That's my Monday Confession: my Christmas decorations are dolls.

Hark the Herald Angels sing....

to taking it slow.

I'm definitely NOT multitasking.

Listening to a couple of Christmas tunes that I've downloaded onto my computer (Actual hours of Christmas music downloaded? 30+ So, I'm a big Christmas music fan... wanna make something out of it?)

But what I'm NOT doing is multitasking.

It seems like whenever I have a minute, I feel the need to fill that minute with something that needs to get done, some item I can check off of my neverending list. And that's a problem for anybody. And it's an even worse problem for someone with my health issues.

Ignoring the needs of your body and all those other things I've learned the hard way to pay attention to, is a bad idea for me: well, for anybody.


Downtime is a CFIDS/FM requirement, and I forget that at my own peril.
(real downtime not trying to do three or four different things while you're supposed to be resting)

But December rolls around with all its additional stressors and pressures, (when I've a hard enough time dealing with my everday ones), and I do more than I should.

But tonight, I'm not going to.

I'm just going to lay down, close my eyes and listen to the music.

:ahhh:

Red, (no green)

Grab the Scavenger Hunt code. Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

Here's me, circa Christmas 1980, in my red outfit, in my Grandmother's red hallway.
My eye happens to be black: no one can remember why, but it was our 2nd Christmas in a row with a black-eyed kid on Santa's lap. Also, I am eating a stuffed Bert. Classy.

(Secret) Santa Baby

I know I've said this already, but, wishing is hard! I mean, I could think of lots of things to wish for other people or things like feeling like a normal person again, for myself, but doable, realistic-type wishes? I repeat: hard!

But... I've got a couple. First: the rules and all that fun stuff: I found out about it through Writing Aspirations. The rules she posted follow:

------------
If you would like to participate as a Secret Santa Blogger, here is what you should do.

1. Tell me via email or comment that you'd like your name on the participant list (or not if you don't want me to list you).

2. Create a post with your "wish list". Tag it "Secret Santa" so it's easier to search.

- If you have items that need to be mailed, be sure to leave a way for a secret santa to send you something. (Either your address or give your address to a friend blogger [yes, you can use me] and then leave a note like: If you want to mail me something - email my friend at "whatever" to request my mailing address - that way it's still a surprise and you aren't sharing your address to the world)

3. Grab a button to use on your site.

4. Put the button in your sidebar and have it link to the post of your wish list.

5. I'll create a post of participants and create a button that will link to a page of those participants.
- send me the link to your wish list or secret santa post so that I can include the link to it on the list of participants.

There you go! This is just for fun. This is completely voluntary and there are NO promises that you'll receive anything. Your wish list can be silly and include things like: "I wish someone would show me the code to align the buttons on my sidebar" or "I wish I had a button of a pretty ornament" to something more serious like "I would like a gift certificate to Borders" or even "I wish someone would get me a car."
---------------



And now... My Wishes:

I wish... people cared more: Pick a charity, any charity; donate. Write your congresspeople. Sign a petition. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Just DO something! (& if you do, drop me a line, leave me a comment: let me know you care too.)

My most selfish wish? A couple of days in a nice hotel, with big, fluffy pillows, a hot tub and some room service. Because I haven't had a vacation in a really, really long time, and while my ultimate vacation would be one where I could leave my body behind, I know I'm going to have to bring the stupid thing with me. So, a nice rest: a couple of days with a hot tub to soak in, a comfy bed that isn't my own to settle down in, watch some movies, call my friends, eat some cake or something. A nice, cozy wish.

My most unselfish wish? A couple of days/weeks/lifetimes of maid service for Mum. I know just how hard she works, just how much a toll on her health my ill-health has been. To make things easier for her, in whatever way, for however long? It would make my heart happy.

I wish... people would want to share their good news as much as they want to share their bad (myself included). Sometimes it's hard to be positive when you're in my situation, and I don't want to get stuck in the negative. Othertimes, I'm feeling ok with where I am, and then it seems like everybody wants to tell me all about how horribly their day sucked. I'm looking for good news people: it's the season for it, at least.

I guess I'd wish for gift certificates: E-bay or Amazon: the thrill of the hunts would probably be that much better if I could afford to buy something! Or Snapfish credits (because I go through those things like CANDY)!

I wish ... I knew a way to incorporate the 2 tablespoons of flax Seed my doctor reccomends into my diet without wanting to throw-up.

I wish ... you'd tell me the best book you've ever read. Or the book you love the most right now. Or about any book(s) that makes you happy.

I wish ... the world smelled less. Perfumes are bad, people. Think of the number of smells each person wears before they put on their perfume: soaps & lotions; deodorants; shampoos, conditioners, gels, hairpsrays, & mousses; makeup & nail polish; assorted powders, laundry detergents, etc. And then you try to cover all that up by adding yet another smell? As one with a supersensitive nose, let me just say: Please stop. It doesn't work. The world would be a lot dangerous for me (& other, chemically sensitive people) if you skipped the perfume today.

I wish... I knew how to back up my blog without cutting and pasting each & every post (Someone tried to show me in the comments once, but I still don't get it).

I wish... I had some of these. White chocolate, minty goodness.

---------------
There: white chocolate, charity, pillows & positivity; not too shabby.

If you want to play, click the Writing Aspirations link above, and she'll hook you up. (You can also contact her if you were thinking of filling any of my wishes & needed my personal info.)

Play along, guys: I'd love to be able to fill some wishes this Christmas!