Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Three things

Three things that I've noticed since I've been participating in NaNoWriMo -

1) It is really cutting into my reading time, all this writing.  It's hard to walk around with my characters in my head and other people's characters in my head at the same time: I was reading a book where a character was killed and she bared only a slight resemblance to my main character, but I started bawling anyways.  I'm not saying that my mood didn't factor into that, of course it did, but still ~ but between that and the amount of TIME I spend writing, it's making it hard to read all the time, which I don't like...

2) I am really an ace procrastinator.  I can put things off with aplomb, people.  (Because once I start writing, generally?  I can knock out a scene no problem.  But getting to the actual writing point? Requires a timer, a closed door, zero distractions (including Facebook, Pinterest and other soul suckers), and a tuned in brain.  Arranging for all of those things to meet at one time, for a steady period of time - quite challenging.)

3) But, I'm 100 words shy of 37,000 words people (which, my word program counts as about 80 pages, but whatever), and ... the book is nowhere near finished, the plot is still kind of murky, and yet: I totally love it.  It's pissing me off a little, since it didn't go in quite the direction I thought it was going and I've had to do some readjusting because of that, (not to mention I have no idea how to end the stupid thing) but, mostly?  I kinda like it, this thing I am creating.  Which is huge for me, because lately, I've been feeling like everything I am doing is ABSOLUTELY IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY ENTIRELY WRONG. No matter where I step, I manage to stumble, or land on some one's toes or a pile of dog poo or something.  People are dying, fighting, crying, mourning, faking it, trying, and I'm just stumbling in and out of the way.
   I know I say it every time, but I wish I didn't stop writing, that I wouldn't let myself stop writing, even when things are hard because I forget that it is something I like, and am good at, and am capable of.  With all the shit that's going on around here, and all of the things I'm not capable of?  It's nice to reminded that there are somethings I can still do.

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