Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I will not gloat...

but I will do a little happy dance in my head. And if you think it's because the Democrats are finally getting the chance to step up to the plate, you're wrong. It's not just that: It's the fact that there will now be No.More.Political.Commercials!!!!! Yay!

Also, as a little side-note here, it's a week past Halloween, Thanksgiving is still two weeks out, and I think that's a little frickin early for Christmas commercials. Seriously.

In other news, I've got a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and I don't feel like going. But I will. I just wanted in on the record: don't feel like it, doing it anyways. Actually, it's that kind of a day for me, all over. Got the Media player of shuffle, but I keep hitting next. Too impatient or itchy or something to make it through a whole song. And I keep thinking "Why is this song on here?" Since this is my computer, I know I'm the one who put it there.

It's just my mood, I guess.

Also? I don't like it when doctor's appointments are late in the day... I feel like I'm wasting the whole day waiting for it to be time to go. (And then, because I know my doctor, I'll be wasting my time sitting in the waiting room.) 45 minutes, then we can go. I'm just all moody b/c ... because these appointments so often fall into one of two categories: The Time-Waster or The Hope-Raiser. And I can't decide, just now, which is worse.

The Time-Waster is kind of the placeholder appointment: I go in and say how things haven't changed, and how I need to try something different, b/c these meds are definitely not the magic bullet they had been suggested to be. And they take blood and the doc talks about all we've tried, all the tests we've run, all the stuff we're still waiting to get back. And the whole purpose of this appointment is to wait some more. To have him say he's sorry, but they still don't know what the f@(* they are doing. And I feel badly for him & the nurse, who are trying so hard. And I feel badly for me, who is also trying very hard, & for my family who have to deal with this shit.

The Hope-Raiser is an all together differnt type of appointment, yet with shockingly similar results. I go in and say all I have to say and the doc says "Wow, look at these results: They show a definite XY deficiency! If we fix that, you'll definitely see marked improvement!" And I get all excited, but try not to get too excited. And I leave with the new treatment (whatever it may be: weekly shots? Fine! Drink this disgusting stuff 3 times a day? Fine! Come in for weekly infusions? Fine! Add yet another pill to your repertoire? Fine!) & the hope that this is the thing that does it for me. And when it doesn't, I am sad for him, I am sad for my family, I am sad for me. And everytime a new hope doesn't work out, I find that I am less able to hope the next time.

Which is really all my mood is about today: it's a gray & rainy day, and my mind's in a gray & rainy place: after the Lyrica not working the way it should, after the biopsy being just one more question mark instead of the period it was supposed to be. So, don't wanna go, but I will. Because one of these times, they're going to turn out to be right.


Retro Girl said...

I agree with you - It will be SO lovely not to hear those political commercials 24/7 on the tv and radio, and see the signs littering the landscape, and the junk mail coming every day... :-) Yay!

Take care of you...

Maya's Granny said...

I'm glad that you are so in touch with your feelings and know that you don't want to either have to wait or get up hopes that then get dashed. Important to know these things.

And are the election results grand?