The Easter Massacre

It was hideous.

Bunnies lay everywhere, unmoving:

Weapons were employed:



Reinforcements were brought in:



And in the end, there was one, lone survivor:




Ok, this turns out not to be true, b/c the things have been sticking to the bottom of people's feet ever since, and now can be found in any room of the house.

They are an unconquerable enemy.

Happy Easter Everybody!

Recommended (& probably not that new)

But new to me:

On Amazon recently, I was flipping through the "So You'd Like to..."s, the ones prepared by artists, with their reccomendations for other artists. It was there I found Stacey Kent. I think if you've hung out here for any length of time, you know that I'm a big fan of standards: Frankie et al are just my cup of tea. My obsession with the beautiful and very talentedMichael Buble knows no end. This is why Stacey Kent is a new & exciting addition to my Media Player Shuffle. Her voice is smooth, jazzy, old-fashioned (which, for me, is a huge compliment). Check her out. She seems to be traveling the world. Maybe you're one of the lucky ones close enough to catch a concert.

During my wanderings

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Grab the Scavenger Hunt code. Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

I happened upon this photo scavenger hunt. The theme for this week: Round (at least I think so - I think it started on the 8th, rather than ended).

Flipping thru my pictures (what else do I do?), the roundest things - besides our heads, as we were some very round babies - are birthday cakes. Here's a couple of the best, from over the years.


Here's Only Brother's SuperFriends themed birthday party, circa 1983. Notice, also... round plates (Big shocker!); some very nice round pepper mills; wine glass & blender (the grownups at this party were obviously having a good time); and random batteries.

Next comes Not Youngest Sis' Wishniky Cake, I'm going to guess it was either 88-9. And yes, I know that some people call them Trolls, or Treasure Trolls - those people would be wrong


And last little homemade number for Next Sister's 21st Bday. Lemon Poppy seed - yum.


The challenge for this Saturday is feet - So keep your eyes peeled and join in!

Letter to Senator Joseph Biden

Senator Biden -

I watched your recent appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher, and was quite impressed. Although I am not familiar with your politics or record (ok, I basically knew your name and face - that's about it), I will certainly be looking into them now. Not only were you knowledgable, and pretty funny, but you managed to explain complex issues in fairly simple ways (without making it feel like you were lecturing a particularly slow learner).

Most impressive, to me, was the fact that you understood what so many other politicians seem completely unaware of: People want to help; they're just waiting for someone to tell them HOW.

There are a million ways to contribute to society; a million different causes and campaigns where people can (& should) be volunteering their time, skills, &/or money. And that's part of the problem - There are so many things that need to be fixed, it's hard to figure out where to start.

But if our leaders were saying "Listen, we're at war. It may not be a war we wanted, or a war that we all agree with, but we're there. HERE's what we should be doing to support our soldiers." or "The environment is in big trouble here, people. I don't think you realize that there is so much more YOU as an individual can be doing to help solve the problem. We need your help: do XYZ, and we'll start turning this thing around - for all of us."

A lack of trust in our current leaders is also a major issue, because Bush could ask for the cooperation of our nation, but I'm not sure that we'd all follow him. We need leaders who are strong, trustworthy, intelligent and willing to both listen to & lead the people of our country.

I hope that you are just this kind of a leader, and look forward to learning more about you and your stand on issues that are vital to our country and our world.

As official family... archivist, I guess...

I've been going through some of my grandmother's papers. These are just a few of the things I've learned today:
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1) Wedding Announcements were much more interesting around the turn of the century. Evidence:


"With pleasing grace?" How cool is that? And also... What the heck is a coronet of orange blossoms? (ETA: Oh, look. If you use the dictionary, you don't have to be stupid! A coronet turns out to be a tiara. Even better.)

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2) My great-grandfather (my grandmother's father) served in the Navy during World War I. Which I semi-knew. What I didn't know?

He served on this ship. That's the USS Mt. Vernon. He was on it, traveling to Europe, when this great big hole got put in it. He was uninjured, thankfully, and was honorably discharged in August of 1919.


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3) In honor of my grandmother, who will be 83 next week, here's one of the stories the Boston Daily Globe thought was important enough to put on their front page the day she was born:

It's the Maury Show, circa 1923. "He claims he is not the father.

The daily paper cost 2 cents back then. Other interesting stories that (because I am crazy) I would have liked to read more about included:


First off, where do you find deserted monkeys?

And secondly... What's up with the secret weddings? Seriously, the paper was a bit more tabloid-ish than I expected.

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That's a round-up of today's lessons. I take an insane pleasure in this sort of thing - digging through papers and pictures, putting names to random faces, reading the lifestories of people I never knew, but am, still, somehow, connected to.

Hope you're enjoying your Fridays - the rain here is a bit gloomy, but at least it's not snow, right?

A Bunch of Randomness

Just for YOU!

In an effort to not lose the two or three people who are actually reading this blog, I have a whole bunch of random things to comment on. (Seriously, I'm so glad you've stuck around: I can't imagine it's very interesting "NTE is sick. NTE is battling back from being sicker. NTE's brain & creativity have taken a vacation without her." Big, huge thanks for sticking with me!)

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First up:

Did anybody else see the boy from The Boy Who Could Fly in an Advil commercial? I did not actually pay attention the commercial (as is my usual way of watching commercials), but the voice sort of rang a bell in my head, and I looked up at the screen, only to be amazed that The Boy Who Could Fly (actual name:Jay Underwood is sitting there on the couch. He was all grown up (well, duh), and now that I read his IMDB profile, I do remember seeing him on my West Wing DVD's. But still - it was a nice little surprise. (More that I could remember the name of that really stupid movie. Imagine my thinking process here: "Oh! He was that guy who was in that movie where the kid who could fly... Wait The Boy Who Could Fly! " Yeah, it took some mental aerobics there.)

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Next, a tiny bit of linkage.


An apt and awesomely expressed quote from


this post over at Bonanza Jellybean. While discussing the funeral of her friend Steve, Bonanza Jellybean manages to sum up how every one of us feels when dealing with difficulties:


It's not fucking fair.
And I know no one ever said life was fair.
But whoever said it was an ASSHOLE, because every once in a while, it should be.


It should be - and we all think, that maybe just this once, maybe, somehow, just for me, it'll turn out that way this time. And it almost never does.

I'm so sorry for your pain, Bonanza.

----------------------------------------------------

Next up - how many people know about the Dropkick Murphys? I don't know too much. I downloaded a bunch of songs last month, during my rush to create a musical background to our St. Patrick's Day festivities that wouldn't embarrass or overwhelm everybody. (We actually wound up not listening to the CD at all, as the people were their usual loud selves and required no accompaniment.) I would recommend their "Irish Drinking Song" & "The Pub with No Beer;" the rest was a bit too punkish for my taste.


However, if you live in the Boston area, there's another song of theirs that I'm sure you've heard: Tessie (which spellcheck wants me to call "tissue" . It's one of the Red Sox's most memorable anthems (and originally from a Broadway show - who knew?) and has wound up shuffling into my Media Player 3 times today.

I like the song and all - but the repeating? Not so much.

Besides, it reminds me that baseball has started again.

You can't hear me, but I'm sighing. Loudly. Trust me.
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Ok - how's that for randomness?

I'm trying hard to get up the energy to post every day or so; this blogging thing is turning out to be more important to me than I thought it would be. So, if you're reading... just a last big THANK YOU!

Till next time...

Hell-o Every-bod-eeeeeeee!

The title for today's post comes from the always lovable, furry old Grover, who I feel is too often being overlooked for the more effervescent Elmo. Not that I have a problem with Elmo, just that I think Grover is underappreciated. His fine work in this book alone should endear him to us all. Trust me, if you've got an under 8 year-old, this is a Fabulous book.


So, I got a little linkage for you:

For you April Fools out there, here's a look at other people who looked to see if gullible was still in the dictionary.


Also of interest, if you happen to be on Weight Watchers and can only enjoy such things vicariously, check out this cupcake heaven.

Oh, by the way, Blogger. CUPCAKE IS A WORD. LEARN IT. LEARN IT NOW!!!!

(I should not be surprised: also not words? "Elmo", "Blogger", and "Every-bod-eeeeee". Ok, I'll give them that last one. )

Off the top of my head....

Twice recently, someone has asked me about car commercials. Here's the thing I've realized: even though I've seen the commercials a million times, I will never remember the names of the cars they are about. I just don't care about that sort of thing. Cars are of zero interest to me, so while I may notice the "Stupid Fairy" aspect of the commercial, the name of the car (which is supposedly the entire point of the commercial)will always escape me.

Quoteworthy Saturday

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
Mitch Hedberg, Mitch All Together
American comedian (1968 - 2005)

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Me: I need a haircut: my hair is getting so long."
Youngest Nephew(age 5("and3/4!")): Oh good, then you can cut out all those silver ones!"

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Riddle me this, Batman

Is there some sort of drawer shortage I am unaware of?

Drawers: plain old, bureau drawers.

You know, the kind you put your socks in?

Sister #2 put out a chest of drawers yesterday, as she is doing some changing around of her room. It was a perfectly nice chest of drawers - no scratches or anything: She only got rid of it for 2 reasons. First, it was from her ex-fiance's family. Second, there is zero storage space left in our basement. So she put it behind the hedges of our front yard, closer to the curb for trash night. And, perhaps, in the hopes that someone would come along and claim it before then.

That was Sunday.

Yesterday a young man came to the door and asked if it was trash. I said "sure, help yourself." He pulled out his cell phone, talked for a while, and then drove away with nothing. About 11:30 last night, I heard voices in the yard, and looked out the window to see that the young man was back with a big white van. Hooray, I thought... Now we won't have to worry about moving it out to the sidewalk & calling the city for pickup.

But when I checked this morning?

The shell of the piece was still there. All 9 drawers were missing.

Internet Peoples: What's up with that? What do you do with 9 drawers?

I couldn't really think of anything at all.

Picture pages, picture pages, come and get your picture pages....

And, I'm totally the only one who knows what the hellthat is, but big deal :O)

So, I feel like I am skimping on pictures lately, and this is odd. Odd because I have begun the monumental project of scanning EVERY FRICKIN picture in our house into the computer, and onto disks. Just in case. (In case what? I don't know. And it isn't as if I was in the middle of 64 other monumental projects either. I'm such a dope.)

N-E ways....

So, the question becomes, how to show you pictures without actually showing any pictures. Enter the Blooper Book

You know all those really bad pictures that (normal) people usually throw out? Yeah, I don't do that: I file them. I display them. I find them intriguing, and often spend time trying to decipher just what the hell is going on in them. Yes, I realize I am strange. Deal.

So... Voila! Some pictures:

Here's Youngest Sis & Youngest Nephew. I really like the silhouette, but everybody else thinks I'm crazy.

Here's a classic (circa 1960 something) from the ever popular "Finger-in-the-way" genre:



Yeah, I can't get this one to rotate onto it's side, but, this is Sis #2 with Youngest Nephew - Tickle Torture.

And, lastly, just in case you wanted to know, here's me: (sort of)




A couple of pictures to liven things up a bit.

Now I've got to go and get this song out of my head (... time to grab your crayons and your pen-cils)

Pass it on over, please

My Grandmother has a unique view of the world. We do not usually agree on things... I often find myself rolling my eyes at what she calls her "old-fashioned" ideas. (To me, there is a difference between a traditional viewpoint and a racist one, but she seems to think they are synonymous).

She also has a lot of sayings that drive me crazy, mostly because they are meaningless - "A little bit of this, a little bit of that, a whole lot of nothing" is the current front runner, followed closely by the admonishment to "Never get old" (because the alternative is so appealing?). I know that when she is no longer with us that I will miss these little gems, but right now they drive me nuts.

However, one of her sayings that I am totally sympatico with is

"Anybody who buys that should have their money taken away from them."

I'll even take it a step further - Not only should their money be taken away from them, there should be a requirement (maybe even a law), that it should be given to me.



I'm sorry, but is there anyone who actually needs

"Gold Plated Cuticle Nippers?"


How about a

"Diamond Nail File?"


If you have this kind of money to waste on these kind of items, may I recommend a nice charity instead? (Or, failing that, personal contributions to the "Never That Easy" fund? )

Coming Up... Our second "Am I the Only One...?"

So... people, am I the only one who things that t.v. shows need to stop it with all the "coming up" stuff?

I mean, the show is only however long (an hour, a half hour, whatever): do I really need the previews for what's coming after the commercial break? If I'm not into the show already, I'm not going to stick around for after the commercial, no matter what you show me. And if I am into the show, you are ruining what comes next!

Personally, I'm getting a bit frustrated with all these previews: the American Inventor show I'm watching right now has just shown yet another preview for what happens after the break. I'm enjoying the show (it's a bit weird, but it's new and different, and some of these people have really good ideas), but if they've already shown me what's going to happen next: why bother to keep watching?

Other repeat offenders include Dr.Phil (who I have mostly stopped watching anyways, because it seems like he gave all his advice during the first season), Project Runway (note to producers for next season: STOP DOING THIS), the news (Oh, my goodness, newspeople - just tell me the news in the order you're going to tell it and stop hinting at what comes later!) and all those E-Access-Entertainment-Hollywood tabloid shows (who I've noticed go so far as to say "Coming up at 7:53" or "Coming up in 7 minutes", as if it were a piece of vital information that I need to know E_X_A_C_T_L_Y when it will be shown).

I'm pretty sure these "coming up"s are called teasers, but I think a better name would be annoyers. For me, they accomplish the exact opposite of what they are intended to do - they only make me want to change the channel.

So tell me people - Am I the Only One?

Bagpipes

I live across the street from a church, and am a silent witness to some of the happiest - and some of the saddest - days of people’s lives. They do not see me, usually, peeking through the blinds of my room to scope out the bridesmaid’s dresses, to watch the stoic procession behind the casket. This witnessing affects me in ways it is hard to describe.

Today there is, as every so often happens, a bagpipe player playing for the funeral across the way. I do not understand bagpipes – they seem like the only instrument that is made to ruin good music. I most especially do not understand bagpipes at weddings. The screeching tones do not enhance any song, at least not that I have ever heard. And I cannot seem to hear the difference between a “good” bagpipe player and a “bad” one.

But the sound is plaintive and wailing and utterly fitting for grief.

Bagpipes must have been specifically made for funerals - the notes hang in the air and rend my heart. I dare not look across the street, in fear that the pain and loss they are feeling will further infect me. It is hard enough, sometimes, just to hear the music.

I say a silent prayer when I hear it – in sympathy, with empathy, for the poor family that is standing, suffering, trudging through this awful mass, and in gratitude for myself, that it is not me who is suffering so. At least not today.

Creativity = not so much

I'm still trying to get back on track after this last flare, so my brain cells aren't exactly fully functioning yet. Which is why I am glad that I have stockpiled a few topics that need very little extra explanation. For example, today's post:

Did you know where the name of my blog came from? Not the first name, which I apparently hijacked from the very nice Amy, but the current "Never that Easy?" Well, I'm so glad you asked. It's actually from a song, originally from a musical revue called Closer than Ever. I've never seen the show (actually, the only show I've ever seen live is A Chorus Line, about 14 years ago), but thanks to Standing Room Only (which I've raved about here), I've got a pretty extensive knowledge of musical theatre. Although I've always loved musicals, now I've heard a much wider variety of them. So, here's the lyrics to the excellent song I've taken my title from. Also, a link at the end where you can hear an excerpt, if you so choose.

Oh, and just, before I forget again, Mel you're welcome for the linkage... I hope you'll come back & read me... it gets better, I promise!


It's Never That Easy / I've been Here Before
WOMAN 1
YOU JUST MET HIM, YES, I KNOW
THIS IS LASTING, THIS WILL GROW
BUT OH, IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
BELIEVE ME, IT ISN'T AT ALL

YOU ARE STARSTRUCK, SO WAS I
I WOULD LOVE HIM, TILL I DIE
BUT OH, IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
MY DARLING, NOT EASY AT ALL

ALL YOUR LIFE YOU'LL BE WITH HIM
THINK OF THAT, THINK IT THROUGH
HE MAY CHASE SOME CRAZY WHIM
WHEN HE DOES, YOU'LL GO TOO

AND YOU'LL LOSE HIM NOW AND THEN
BUT EACH MORNING START AGAIN
AND OH, SOME DAYS YOU'LL BE HAPPY
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
YOU THINK SO, BUT NO
OH NO, I KNOW
IT ISN'T AT ALL.

WOMAN 2
THE MAN SAYS THINGS HE NEEDS TO SAY
TURNS TO SMILE AS HE STANDS AT MY DOOR
AND THEN I SEE HIS EYES ARE GREY
OH GOD I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

TO WANT HIM MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL
THEN WE TALK AND OUT HIS FEELINGS POUR
INSIDE ALL MY DEFENCES FALL
OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

THE MAN'S ALL WRONG
THAT'S ALL THAT'S TRUE
AND WHAT IS WORSE
THIS TIME GOOD GOD HE'S TWENTY-TWO
AND SINCE IT'S WRONG, BEFORE WE START
WHY SHOULD I RUSH TO PROVE THAT I CAN BREAK MY HEART ALL OVER?
THE MAN LEAVES AND I'M ON MY OWN
I SIT HERE AND SIMPLY WATCH THE DOOR
AND TELL MYSELF I'M FINE ALONE
OH YES, I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
OH YES, I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

WOMAN 2 WOMAN 1
THE MAN'S ALL WRONG BUT OH
THAT'S ALL THAT'S TRUE IT'S NEVER THAT EASY
AND WHAT IS WORSE BELIEVE ME
THIS TIME, GOOD GOD,
HE'S TWENTY-TWO IT ISN'T AT ALL
AND SINCE IT'S WRONG HE MAY CHASE
BEFORE WE START SOME CRAZY WHIM
WHY SHOULD I RUSH LET HIM GO
TO PROVE OR HE'LL
THAT I CAN BREAK MY HEART ALL OVER BREAK YOUR HEART

THE MAN LEAVES AND I'M ON MY OWN I'M FINE ALONE WITHOUT HIM
I SIT HERE AND SIMPLY WATCH THE DOOR AND YOU'LL MISS HIM NOW AND THEN
THEN TELL MYSELF I'M FINE ALONE I'M FINE ALONE

OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE OH YES I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
SOME DAYS YOU'LL BE HAPPY
NO NEVER THAT EASY
BUT IT WON'T BE EASY
YOU THINK SO BUT NO
OH, NO

BOTH
I KNOW
I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE

Closer Than Ever CD

Movies

So I've been brewing a post about the difference between watching a movie in a theater and watching it at home, but it's not done yet, so instead, I've got linkage for you today.


I've been watching trailers online this morning (and, apparently, afternoon, since it's 1:00 already). I don't know why I bother, as I haven't been to the movie theater to see a movie since the first Harry Potter came out (2001: thanks IMDB), but there seem to be a lot of interesting things coming out this year.

Of course, there's X-Men 3, whose trailer I saw on TV yesterday and was forced to find it again online this morning in order to figure out what Jean Grey was saying at the end. ("Kill Me" in case you cared). I loved the first two, and am already adding this to my Netflix Queue, even though it's not even in the theater yet. Just so I won't forget.

So X-Men 3 started it, but there were a bunch of other things I want to see now too:

Since the success of Chicago a few years back, musicals are popular again. I am a big fan of this trend, since the musicals of Hollywood's Golden age are among my favorite movies of all time. So a second crop of musicals is only fab-u-lous in my opinion. The ones I saw trailers for included

Dreamgirls - "And I am Telling You," sung by Jennifer Holliday was the only thing on the trailer, but it was enough for me. I don't know about the cast, but, as I wasn't even alive when the show was on Broadway, I'd love to see the storyline to go with the songs I know.

Idelwild - Roaring Twenties with an Outkast beat? Something to see, I'm sure.

Romance & Cigarettes Aside from the all-star cast and the interesting storyline, the trailer made it seem like the musical numbers were Blues Brothers or Moulin Rouge style: pop music of different eras all jumbled into the storyline.

In the Guilty Pleasures category were:

Just My Luck Guilty b/c it looks just too much like every other Lindsay Lohan movie, and yet I still thought "I'd see that."


Poseidon Because I so love the original and all its 70's disaster movie splendor (and hated that crappy TV version they did last fall).

In the Movies My Nephew will want to see (and I wouldn't cry at having to sit through)category:

RV

Happy Feet Isn't the penguin just too cute?

And, finally, in the why haven't I heard more about these category:

Catch & Release Cast include Jennifer Garner & Kevin Smith... and the trailer looked different (good different, as in, "I haven't seen this movie 72 different ways" different)

Lonesome Jim Well, this is an "independent" movie, so that's why we haven't heard anything about it. But it looks good.

Click I'm pretty sure the only reason we haven't heard anything about this yet is that it's not out till June. Adam Sandler is hit or miss with me (hit - Big Daddy, Spanglish; miss -Punch Drunk Love, the Waterboy), but this looks promising.


So that's what I've been doing all day. (I've got a PET Scan manana and am trying to take it easy so as not to cause a huge flare again.) How bout you guys... up to anything interesting?

I've got flare (yes, I know it's spelled wrong)

And that's because it's not the good kind of flair. I think we all know I'm running pretty low on that kind of flair... well, maybe you don't since you can't see me, but anyone in my actual life would laugh hysterically at the mere suggestion that I have style of anykind. Fashion is so not my forte.

But Flare? Sadly, I've got flare to spare.

I'm talking Fibro Flare, my friends. As in flare-up of symptoms.

I know I haven't really gone into depth here about my illnesses, (partly because I don't want this to be just a "sick blog" and partly because I haven't figured out exactly what to say), but since I've been out of commission for about a week due to a major flare, and have probably lost any readers who were coming here with any regularity anyways, I figured what the hell.

So - What the heck am I talking about?

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition that has a wide variety of symptoms, and, sadly, no cure or regularlized treatment plan. Basically what this means is that there are about a million and a half ideas about what causes it or how it could be treated, but, right now, no proven cause or effect or cure.

And I've got it. (And a couple of other particularly nasty things. But let's focus on Fibro for today, shall we?)

When you're dealing with a chronic illness, you have a baseline - a level of "normal" that you exist at in whatever way you can. Over the course of my illness (12 years this October ... crap), I've had a lot of different baselines. I've been completely bedridden, able to go to school full days, able to go to school half days, hospitalized, able to attend college full-time, able to attend part-time, etc.

For the past year or so, my overall baseline had been improving: I've been moving up from almost complete bedrest to a semi-mobile lifestyle. I have to use a wheelchair to get around, can't stay up right for too long (about 2 hours is my max), but I was able to participate in some of the more minor triumphs of everyday life: getting dressed, eating at the table instead of from bed, baking a pie at Thanksgiving.

It hasn't been exactly fabulous, but it was a bit better than I had been. I've been coping - And then last week.... Total crash.


I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't... anything.

Pain was my whole existence for about 5 days.

And I haven't exaggerated that in anyway. I mean exactly that: for 5 days, nothing existed besides pain. Every lymph node in my body was swollen, every muscle ached as if I'd stretched them to their breaking points. My face was just a ball of fire - cheeks flushed such a bright red that my mother could see in the dark.


And I have no idea what set it off this time: as usual, I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. But I've managed to pick up yet another infection somehow (I think from the Doc's office, since that's the only place I ever go), and it ran me over.

The only plus has been how quickly I've improved: I've had severe flares last for months, and this one is already improving. (as evidenced by the fact that I had enough focus and energy to turn on the computer and hammer this out today - even if it did take me more than 5 hours to finish it).

I've heard that the blogosphere is a fickle place - that you can lose your readers if you don't post often and regularly. I suppose that could be true, and I'd rather not find out, but I can honestly say the word blog didn't even occur to me until yesterday - a good week after my last post. Oh well. I'll just keep hoping that people will wind up here and be interested enough to stick it out with me.

I'm feeling a bit better, as I said, so I doubt it'll be too long before the next post, but if you've got some time, you might want to check out these sites about fibromyalgia.

FM Aware
Arthritis Foundation

2 things....

First, as evidenced by the following article, I am not the only person who looks at the book titles. Lost boosts book popularity.


Second, not too many people are checking me out here, at NTE, this week. I'm going to pretend that it's because you are all away on February vacation. I'm also going to pretend that the person who found me by searching "woman chokes to death" is not looking for tips, but rather out of concern for any women who might do so.

In case you hadn't noticed, denial is one of my strong suits.

Am I the only one?

Thanks to a conversation that started over at Bookseller Chic's site, Who I totally didn't steal my template from - at least not on purpose the first installment of what I am sure will be a million part series: Am I the only one?

So: AITOO

who checks for book titles if a character on TV, or in a movie, is reading something? I always figured it was a book-lover thing, but not that uncommon. But the other people in my house all looked at me very strangely when I asked them if they did this: Granted none of them are biblophiles, exactly, but still... does anybody else do this, or is this yet another way in which I am odd?

I am hating template fiddling.

I am doing it; But I hate it. Mostly b/c I think I know what I'm doing, until I publish it and then? Not so much. So bear with me (all of those 4 readers I know I have) because I can't make that STUPID profile thing to come back up to the top of my blog. (And no, I didn't make it go down there. All the fiddling has been to fix it.) Wow, I rock at this, no?

Read this!

I write book reviews for a website (I'd post it here, but I use my real name there because I was too stupid to think ahead). I review whatever I happen to be reading at the time (which is quite an eclectic mix), and they're mostly positive reviews (b/c it's not a paid position, so if I don't like a book I don't keep reading). I usually wind up doing one a week, even though I generally read about 5 books a week.

Well, this week I've been a bit slow. I've been savoring Elizabeth Berg's < The Year Of Pleasures>. I tried to write a review for the book, but it was too gushing, I was afraid they'd think she paid me to say nice things about it. And I found I couldn't summarize it, couldn't wrap it all up neatly in a paragraph or two. So instead of censoring the way I really felt into a suitable review, I'm just going to talk about it here.


This book was amazing.


"Now, on this road trip, my mind seemed to uncrinkle, to breathe, to present to itself a cure for a disease it had not, until now, known it had."



You know a book is going to be good when you feel the need to copy a quote off the first page. And it just kept getting better. I wound up with a rainbow of Post-It flags sticking out of the book. I continued to read at a snail's pace even though the book was three days overdue (and I HATE being overdue). I began to resent the fact that I had to ever return this book - it should be Mine; I shouldn't have to de-flag it, shouldn't have to part with it at all. I stopped at the end of a chapter, at the end of a page, to better absorb the words, the truths, that had been written there.


The story - about a widow's journey through the first agonies of grief - is utterly moving. I've never been a widow. I've never even seen a love like the character in the book was lucky enough to live. But her pain, her struggles, her story, is, to the author's credit, universal.

Berg's words are like lyrics in a song - slow and beautiful, full of meaning and grace. They have their own melody, their own movement

"I reread the letter, sat back in the chair, took another long drink of coffee. And noticed a specific and breathtaking absence. At the moment, nothing hurt. What I felt was only hope, that internal sunrise. The image of John’s face came into my head, and I felt only my great luck at having had him for as long as I did. I’d learned enough about grieving to know that other ways of feeling would come back soon enough. But it seemed to me that this was the way we all lived: full to the brim with gratitude and joy one day, wrecked on the rocks the next. Finding the balance between the two was the art and the salvation. "

The strength of her writing - the flow of words, the beauty of the sentence, the truth behind what she's said.

Anyways. The Year Of Pleasures. Highly Recommended.

Did ya ever notice cupid rhymes with stupid?

Ok, so I thought, since this is my 27th consecutive single Valentine's Day, that I would totally be anti-Valentine's Day today.


I thought I post some grinchy- Valentine's equivalent of "Bah Humbug"-ish rant about how Valentine's Day sucks & is really a conspiracy thought up by Hallmark to make single people feel like second class citizens.

Really, I had this whole thing thought out.
_______________________________________________________________________________

But then?

Sister #2, who is not the most demonstrative person ever, left a little baggie in front of my door this morning. With chocolate, and a card, and two pocket angels (strength and faith), and a beautiful statue of two ballerinas. The pocket angels were incredibly thoughtful, and let me to believe that she actually might notice some of the troubles I am going through, although she's never shown this to be so. And the ballerina statue almost made me cry, because it's been years since anybody thought of me that way, even though, in my heart I'm still a dancer. It was unbearably sweet.

And I've been listening to the amazing Michael Buble Check out #5
That song...Home? It makes me long for things. It isn't that I didn't know that was what I was missing: it just makes it so clear what I'm looking for and haven't yet found. Someone who makes me feel like that. (And if it just happens to be Michael himself, I would really have no qualms about that. No, I don't know if he's married or attached, or whatever. And I don't want to know: it's Valentine's Day, and a girl can dream.)

And the blogosphere is filled with people I've never actually met, and yet somehow still care about. And this I didn't expect. I didn't expect to care so much:

about the weather in North Washington

about Busy Mom's Mum

about a beautiful baby with a wonderfuly sarcastic mom

about at least 30 other sites I've got to put in my blogroll (Although, did ya notice...? I've finally got something up there!)


And there's the fact that people are reading this (Hello readers! I know you are there, even ever so briefly!) and that they might be caring about me & my life too.


And later?

My Youngest Nephew (age 5) will come bustling throught the door, heavy with character valentines (the kind that come in a package of 30, with teacher valentine included) and candy hearts. He'll be hopped up on sugar, b/c Valentine's Day is not a religous holiday (anymore,anyways), and therefore the teachers can - and usually do -- make a big deal out of it. There will be cupcakes, at the very least. And he'll be rambling on and on about how they had a special Valentine's themed gym class, and OH! because of the snow day yesterday, it's also their 100th day of Kindergarten. (Which, any self-respecting Kindergarten teacher will tell you, is a big deal).

So, really, what do I care if I'm still single? I'm not alone. And, for today, at least, I'm not lonely.

So: Happy Valentine's Day internet!

(P.S. I cannot get blogger to load ANY pictures (or put my type in color, like I told it to), so if you want some yummy Valentine pictures head over here:

Jelly Hearts)

Dear Best Friend

I can not buy you a birthday present.

Or, rather, I can not FIND you a birthday present.

I have now spend 6 hours wandering through the following sites:

"unique gift ideas"
"What to buy your best friend"
"Gifts for her"

and about a million similar sites. Seriously.

I have found many many interesting things:

The best thing about this Survival Kit? That it includes chocolate.


This is right up your alley: January Cards. However, it is February.

Is it sad that I really considered buying the Electric Company DVD's for you?

I'd buy you this Goddess Bowl, but I don't know what kind of dishes you have anymore.

I've looked at books --> but I bought you books for Christmas.

I looked at clothes ---> but I know you still want to lose the baby weight, so I have no idea what size I'd buy.

I looked at movies ---> but even though we have the same taste, I don't know what you've seen, what you own.

I looked at pampering, spa-ish stuff ---> but we both know that I don't have any clue about that kind of stuff.

Basically, I'm thinking I might get you a popcorn bowl, since sharing a bag of popcorn with you is one of the treasures of our times together, but that sounds like a very sad present.

I don't know. I suppose I'll keep looking.

It's everyone's favorite...

Linkage !!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First up:

"Five rules of thumb
October 31st, 2005

-The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.
-The twin miracles of childbirth and pet ownership render you unable to share one photo of anything.
-If your vanity license plate makes any reference to the make of your vehicle, the people you work with despise you.
-Ph.D.s who ask to be called “Doctor” should be prepared to refer to every college graduate as “Bachelor.”
-If you own more than one Enya record you might as well buy all of them and make a little fort. "

--------------From 5ives------------

"Kids These Days, I Tell Ya...

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

--6 Train"

_____________FromOverheard in NY_____________


"What do they have that I don’t have?

Multi-colored candy coatings?

Yeah, that’s great if I wanted to be in a Benetton ad, but I don’t.

Shaped like Hershey’s Kisses?

I hate to say this, but Hershey’s Kisses have always looked like steaming coils of dog poop.

Tasty chocolatey goodness?

If I had some chocolate pudding and rubbed it all over me, I could be tasty chocolatey goodness too."

---------From The Impulsive Buy-----------

"But it's not just his lack of expression that kills me, it's his actual face. It looks like they hired some chooch to put on the Captain America suit so they could take pictures to create the model kit, and then they forgot to make the model not look like that guy.

Either that, or it's Tony Shalhoub.

Another version of the model seems to have him with a crazy Ed Grimley smile. In this one I picture him running after the other superheroes shouting, "C'mon guys, wait up!" "

---------------------------From The Sneeze ------------

"It's a bad week for obsessions after a British Trekkie was forced to file for bankruptcy because he spent hundreds of thousands of dollars turning his home into a replica of the Starship Enterprise. "I'm still proud of what I created," said Tony Alleyne, " but it's been a financial disaster." Recently, his wife left him when he replaced their fridge with a "warp coil.""


The part that got me? She stuck with him until he got rid of the fridge. That was the last straw for her... Deciding to use the family funds to remake a fictional ship - no problem. No fridge, time to go.

Can a "warp coil" keep cookie dough cold? I doubt it.

Totally understandable.
--------From The Week---

Medical Regimen

I am up to 22 pills everyday. 22 required pills. I can take as many additional pills for pain as I need, so sometimes I'm at 30. 22 - 30 required pills, and three vials of something that, when mixed with water, tastes like feet.


I take the pills 4 times a day, and they must be taken with food, or I wind up not being able to keep them down.

Some of them taste so bad that I have to trick myself into taking them - chew up my food, and then sneak the pill in right before I swallow. I don't know why it works, but it does.
------------------------------------------------------------------

It's my opinion that the popular method of pill swallowing - putting the pill on your tongue first, then rinsing it down with your drink - makes no sense. If you put the pill on your tongue alone, unaccompanied, then you get the full vileness of it, and therefore want to spit it out. If you have to take your pills with a drink, put the drink in your mouth first, then pop the pill in. Some people say, "well then it's in there floating around": To them I say, who cares? You only have to worry about swallowing the drink, and it'll go down with it, automatically. At least that's how it works for me.

That was a bit of off-topic advice, free of charge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ANYways -

22 pills, three vials of feet, monthly (or bi-monthly) infusions, and 3 separate inhalers. That's my regimen.


And I a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y. wouldn't care- not a fig, not a lick, not a bit - about doing all of this, IF it was actually helping.

Maybe it is - maybe it's keeping me from getting worse, helping me to maintain at this level of functioning. I don't know.

But I do know that I got dressed today:

I went to the closet, picked out warm sweat pants and a t-shirt that's too tight, a zip up that doesn't exactly show me at my best and some fuzzy socks.

I put them all on, lathering baby lotion on skin that's unusually dry first, then maneuvering my way into my clothes.

I did all that, and then had to rest.

For 3 hours - motionless, with the heating pad on the sorest spots, staring blankly at the t.v.
----------------------------

22 pills, three feet-vials, three inhalers, the monthly infusion, all for 17 minutes of functioning
followed by three hours of rest.

-----------------------------

And now I've used up another 20 minutes or so, typing this in bed, only semi-upright, one hand on the keyboard, the other swigging the feet-water.

But, I wouldn't mind all the pills, all the shots, all the trips to the doctors (all the phone calls I still haven't made),


if it would just work.

If they did what they were supposed to do.

If I could just feel better.

I'm just saying.

Some things I am

You Are 32% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This sounds pretty good... I'm not a total nut job, is that what you're saying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I probably would have given myself a little bit lower on the openness, but the rest seems on point(e)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a Bright Star or Dreaming Soul, please let me know :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

A classic and an original, no wonder everyone snakes your style!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I want ice cream - or cookie dough. AND of course, we don't have either... plus, that must be a lot of points. Fooey.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You Are Sunshine

Soothing and calm You are often held up by others as the ideal But too much of you, and they'll get burned You are best known for: your warmth Your dominant state: connecting

What Type of Weather Are You?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Well, considering that in my family I'm thought of as a vampire, and feel like I am probably allergic to sunlight, this is the only one that doesn't really fit. But, hey, if you wanna call me sunshine... who am I to argue?
_____________________________________________________________

The opposite of happy

Back when I was functioning well enough to be working, I was finishing up my degrees working in various classrooms. During my time at a private preschool, one of the units we worked on was Opposites. Now, because I was a student teacher at the time, I sometimes had to follow the lessons planned by the actual classroom teacher, rather than making my own. She was a good teacher, with a different teaching style than my own, so sometimes these lessons didn't go exactly as planned (then again, I have NEVER had a lesson go exactly as planned, so this is not unusual). Anyways, the unit was Opposites, and the lesson plan ventured into the area of feelings. I was supposed to pose the questions:

The opposite of sad is ______?

The opposite of angry is _____?

The opposite of happy is____?


The only problem was, I didn't have a clue what the answers were supposed to be. They looked clear cut enough, but once I started to think about it, I couldn't make up my mind.... what is the opposite of sad? Happy? Glad? Excited? And if I'm the opposite of angry, wouldn't I be feeling generous or extraordinarily nice or something? The thesaurus that lives in my brain wound up making the whole thing MUCH too complicated for a bunch of 3 & 4 year olds. But...

It does make a nice little segue for today's post...

Which is the most complicated of the questions above: what is the opposite of happy?

Is the opposite of happy really sad? Sad doesn't really begin to cover it, does it? And unhappy is particularly unworthy, because it doesn't really describe anything: It kind of matters how long you're unhappy, why you're not happy, and a bunch of other things. But what about gloomy, miserable, bereft? They're a better fit, yet still a bit too loose a definition.

Because I've given this way too much thought, the two best answers I've come up with are: Cheerless and Melancholy.

Cheerless: Adj.: bleak, joyless.

Melancholy: Adj.: Dismay, pensive, depressed.

Today has been an "opposite of happy" kind of a day. When they happen, it's hard to remember that there are any other kinds of days. The things that would normally make my day, like seeing an update on Amalah (complete with cute baby pictures), or checking out the new & snarkworthy covers up at Smart Bitches, do little to improve my mood. The people in my house are acting odd, guarding their words, asking each other what is wrong with me (I can totally hear you btw... you do not whisper well ). I wonder what is wrong with me too, because nothing new happened: it's just that today, the weight of the SOS seems five/fifty/five thousand times heavier than normal.


So I'm giving myself permission, just for today, to feel all the wrong things, and just let them be:

Just for today

I won't pretend that everything is o.k., that this waiting isn't driving me nuts.

I won't just listen to everyone else's problems: if I think it is a stupid and useless problem, I will let myself think that.

And because I may want to shout "You don't understand! You DON'T HAVE ANY REAL PROBLEMS, and must resort to MAKING UP DRAMA ..." I will avoid people.

I will let myself play Zuma for 5 hours, and stew over the fact that I'm supposed to be making phone calls/cleaning/weeding through paperwork.



I will play whatever sort of music I want - if I want to listen to Home by Michael Buble 6 times in a row, I will do so.

I will allow myself to feel sad for all that I am missing.


I will be jealous of all the people in my life who have their health, and their own lives, and all the other things that I don't have.

I will have leftover lemon poppyseed cake, with Extra icing, and not care how many points the stupid thing is worth.

I will not take the medicine that makes me nauseous, just for today... I can't deal with it today.

I will not feel guilty about doing these things, or not doing them, as the case may be: It's just for today.

Ok, I Lied: I will only feel slightly guilty (b/c I still can't find the guilt-off-switch).

I will shut the door if I want to, and ignore any knocks on it. Or the phone rining, or the IM's pinging.

I will let myself pretend that the reason I am crying is that this song is very sad, and glare evilishly at anyone who contradicts me.

I will make up my own words (evilishly? WTF?) in a blog post and leave them in, just because I can.


I will realize that feeling sorry for myself for a little while is NOT ridiculously self-indulgent, even though I have lots of things to be happy for. I will be happy for them tomorrow.


Today is for brooding.

Trying to change things a bit

but, yet again, I have no idea what I'm doing...

Trying to download a new blog skin... no such luck so far.

I'm stealing this meme (my very first!) from:

....Jezebel's Journal. I'm not really up on the meme etiquette, but it seems like, so long as you mention where it came from, it's alright to post. (I'm sure if I'm wrong, someone will wander by and tell me...)

10 favorites...
Favorite Color: Lilac
Favorite Food: Right now, there's this 5-point Lemon Cheesecake w/berries at Applebees... mmm yum. Why doesn't Applebees deliver?
Favorite Song: I'm feeling very happy with Michael Buble's version of Sway . It's so peppy, which I am not, but sometimes need to pretend being.
Favorite Movie: Of all time - no clue. Of the past little while? Love Actually
Favorite Sport: I dislike sports - I don't really understand the point of most of them, and my own experiences have only led me to believe that sports equipment is my enemy.
Favorite Season: I like the cripsness of fall, and it's a bonus that that's when I'm at my least allergic.
Favorite Day Of the Week: Right now it's Saturdays: I get to listen to SRO, and try to get other things accomplished.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor : I'm thinking Peppermint Stick...
Favorite Time of Day: Just lately, I've been finding 11:00 pm the highlight of my day - The Daily Show rocks!

9 Currents...
Current Mood: Working on cheering up
Current Taste: Strawberry Jelly
Current Clothes: A white tank, w/a wife beater underneath; red, very comfy Old Navy pants, and green frog socks (Because all though I thought to change my outfit when I spilled soup all over it, I forgot to grab a clean pair of socks)
Current Desktop Picture: Niece-to-be's ultrasound pic
Current Toenail Color: Nude
Current Time: 10:25 p.m. EST
Current Surroundings: In bed, semi-snuggled surrounded by puffs and pillows
Current Annoyance(s): I'm going to keep it from being an exceptionally long list and just say the fact that the 6 clocks in this house all chime the hour individually: why can't we get them all on the same schedule?
Current Thought: I'm wondering now if you're allowed to just steal a meme... does the person have to ask you to fill it out? And how do I link back to the orginal page? hmmm...


8 Firsts...
First Best Friend: Jen B. She pretended to cut my hair in Kindergarten. We stayed friends till she transfered to private school in the 7th Grade, but we still exchange Christmas cards (and I'm supposed to call her to set up lunch... Note to Self)
First Kiss: I'll have to go with first non-kiss instead: 8th grade dance (in the gym, of course) and the Boy moved in for the kiss, I closed my eyes and waited: Somebody noticed us and gave a whistle, Boy moved back as if burned. :sigh:
First Screen Name: Still using my first screen name, my first account, etc.
First Pet: Sasha, a black furred, white bellied cat who was more regal than most people.
First Piercing: Earlobes, sitting in the mall, being bribed by my mom to "act like it doesn't hurt" so that my younger sisters would follow suit without tears.
First Crush: Ricky. Jen B and I fought over who got to sit next to him at her birthday party in 4th grade. (Although, it was her birthday, I managed to convince her to put him in the middle between us.) We went to see Batman, and were foiled when he sat next to Paul instead.
First Music: I used to have some sort of Disney Disco tape, that came with a book ("You can read along with us in your book. When you hear the tone :beep:, turn the page.") I still know all the words to Macho Duck (Can he move? Well guess what? Watch his wiggle waddle strut).
First Car: I still don't have one, unless the Fisher Price variety counts?


7 Lasts.....
Last Cigarette: Never
Last Drink: Having some water right now, actually.
Last Car Ride: Umm... Last Monday, to and from the doc's office.
Last Kiss: Youngest Nephew as he raced out the door at 7:30 tonight.
Last real kiss: If only I had an answer (or even a smart ass avoidance answer)to put down.
Last Movie Seen: On the Town Sunday, thanks to TMC. (And then, was nicely surprised to see Betty Garret on that night's Grey's Anatomy as well.)
Last Phone Call: Talked to N (the Mum of Youngest Nephew) about three minutes after that last kiss.
Last CD Played: Yeah, I've been Media Player-ing it lately, but I did burn a disk of some of my favorites that I listened to the other night.



6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Nope
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Only accidentally
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope
Have You Ever Been on TV: Only if you count the community access channel, which showed every play or production I was in. ... Oh, and once the back of my head (and a hideous purple bow) were on the Catholic Mass channel.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Nope (I'm so BORING )



5 Things....
5 Things You're Wearing: see above, and then add my glasses and a puff.
5 Things You've Done Today: Sorted meds for the week --> because I won't take them if there not RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE . Gave the Little Guy (Youngest Nephew) and 2ndSister a workout. Didn't eat the Oreos that were left over from Little Guy's Dessert, even thought I wanted them. Checked my e-mail and Bloglines. Made lots of lists (I Love Lists!)
5 Things You Can Hear Right Now: Stupid ticking clocks. 2ndSister laughing with boyfriend. 3rdSister yelling over phone at her boyfriend. Washing Machine wooshing. Maroon Five: This Love.
5 Things You Can't Live Without: The basics (food, water, air & meds); My peoples; Books; Pillows; Connections.
5 Things You Do When You're bored: Read (or re-read), Wander on-line, Zuma, Scrap; Stare at the wall.



4 Places You've Been ...

The Salem Witch Museum
2059 (in books, anyways)
In the Hot Seat
Waiting Rooms (a.k.a. Purgatory)





3 People You Can Tell (most) Anything To...
Mum; Shannon; Ann


2 Choices...
1. Black or White: White, cuz I still want the creme filling from those Oreos I passed up earlier.
2. Hot or Cold: I'm freezing, thanks for asking.

1 Wish...
That I did this right, without pissing off any internet peoples....

Three Posts in One Day...

It must be a record (for me, anyways). I was writing an e-mail to my cousin in Maine, and realized, about 1/4 of the way through, that it was hideously depressing and gloomy. I know that if I sent it as it was, she would be worried, and since it's just a case of me feeling sorry for myself and hoping someone would listen, I cut it up a bit, decided to post it here instead.

I know I've yet to give a clear idea of what my illness is (as if even I had a clue), but it's more because I haven't figured out exactly how to explain it all. Regardless, what I'm feeling today is pretty self explanatory, and should stand up well all on its own.
-------------------------------------

The doctor called with some more blood test results, saying how he noticed I have a very low XYZ level. This is not good, he says, as far as other things go. So take these pills, and it should give you a little boost at least. Mom, who just happens to have been in a mood quite opposite to my own, says something about magic bullets, and cure-alls, and I seriously, don't know whether to throw up, cry, or punch her in the face.
How horrible is that?

Hating her for hoping?

It's ridiculous!

But, I've taken these pills before, so I know they're not the magic bullet/cure that she's hoping for and I just all of the sudden wanted to scream at her for even thinking it - for making me think it, for even a second. So, there are days, lots of tiny little days, were I just hate this whole thing - hate that I can't even let other people hope, because it hurts me too much when I disappoint them. And that's the kind of day I'm having.

Why do people have to tell me these things?

One of my favorite episodes of the West Wing is the one that has the "The Organization of Cartographers for Social Equality." It's the episode about Big Block of Cheese Day (which, thanks to IMDB and Wikipedia, I now know is Episode # 216 Somebody's going to emergency, Somebody's going to jail), where key White House staffers meet with all sorts of fringe groups that, ordinarily, wouldn't rate a meeting with the Presidential Staff.

During one of those meetings, CJ meets with the members of that Organization, who are proposing legislation that leads to the use of a newer, more accurate map. You can read all about it by clicking
Here to check Wikipedia yourself.


But here (courtesy of westwingtranscripts.com) is the relevant (and extremely humorous) dialogue:

HUKE
The map enlarges areas at the poles to create straight lines of constant
bearing or geographic direction.

CYNTHIA SAYLES
So, it makes it easier to cross an ocean.

FALLOW
But...

C.J.
Yes?

FALLOW
It distorts the relative size of nations and continents.

C.J.
Are you saying the map is wrong?

FALLOW
Oh, dear, yes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

SAYLES
Here we have Europe drawn considerably larger than South America when at
6.9 million square miles South America is almost double the size of Europe's 3.8 million.

HUKE
Alaska appears three times as large as Mexico, when Mexico is larger by .1 million square miles.

SAYLES
Germany appears in the middle of the map when it's in the northernmost quarter of the Earth.

JOSH
Wait, wait. Relative size is one thing, but you're telling me that Germany isn't where we think it is?

FALLOW
Nothing's where you think it is.

C.J.
Where is it?

FALLOW
I'm glad you asked. [brings up a new map, which has its continents significally squished northward] The Peters Projection. (insert map here)
.....

C.J.
What the hell is that?

FALLOW
It's where you've been living this whole time. Should we continue?

JOSH
Uh-huh.
------------------
Check out more maps here-----------------------------------------

later in the episode:

FALLOW
When Third World countries are misrepresented they're likely to be valued
less. When Mercator maps exaggerate the importance of Western civilization, when the
top of the map is given to the northern hemisphere and the bottom is given to the
southern... then people will tend to adopt top and bottom attitudes.

C.J.
But... wait. How... Where else could you put the Northern Hemisphere but on the top?

SAYLES
On the bottom.

C.J.
How?

FALLOW
Like this.

The map is flipped over.

C.J.
Yeah, but you can't do that.

FALLOW
Why not?

C.J.
'Cause it's freaking me out.

__________________________________________________________________

I'm with CJ.... It freaks me out too.

Aside from making me laugh, the episode really gave me a lot to think about. Turns out, there really ARE issues with the map we all know and love. It isn't exactly... what's the word I'm searching for here... Accurate. If a map of the WORLD wasn't constant, wasn't exact, wasn't right, what else could be off?


So that's why I was particularly interested in an article in this week's
The Week

that talks about how "the world's timekeepers no longer can agree on an answer" on the best way to tell time. I didn't even know this was an issue, I thought time was a constant: that we all kind of agreed on a standard of time, and this was it.

Turns out, not so much. Time is "still based on the movements of the Earth, and the Earth is a poor timekeeper." THE EARTH IS A POOR TIMEKEEPER? How is that possible? Oh, but it got better - -

"The time it takes for our planet to make a complete revolution around the sun varies from year to year by a half-second or more. The precise length of a day varies too, because the rising and falling of ocean tides has a tiny, but measurable impact on how quickly the Earth revolves on it's axis. Our days, in fact, are getting longer by about two milliseconds a century."

They go on to explain that, while a millisecond here or there doesn't seem important right now, it can eventual cause disaster - perhaps the dreaded Y2K that never came could still be waiting for us at some random point in the future. Scientists are working to find a more accurate measure of time, they insist, but for right now, time isn't right either.

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So, let's see - maps are biased, time is "holding it's breath" every couple of years, and white chocolate isn't considered actual chocolate (I'm still in denial here, so I won't look up the details, in the hopes that the world will change it's mind--- again).

Anything other foundations of civilization getting ready to crumble?



If there are, what do I have to pay you to keep it to yourself?

Home again home again, jiggety jog

I was computer-less for eight days. 8 days. And during that time, every other thought I had would've made a good blog post. (Did I, as any smart person would, grab a pen and jot down these excellent blog-worthy ideas? I'm sure you can guess just by reading this post.)

I have now had my computer back for three days (although it took me a whole day to set everything back up, as they replace my hard drive and system board). 3 days. And not a single thought worth posting.

But (again, as is obvious from this post), I shall not be deterred.

I do have thoughts, they will be logical and form cohesive post.

Maybe.

:)

Top of the TBR

So I'm wandering around, adding titles to my already overwhelemed TBR pile, and I came across this:


Review:
"If you don't find something in here that makes perfect sense to you, I can only imagine that you gave up reading, thinking and laughing some time ago" Nick Hornby

Nick Hornby is a fantastically funny writer. Even his one sentence review makes me laugh.

So, guess which books jumps to the top of my list? Sarah Vowell's Take The Cannoli

Anybody read it?
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Can you tell I got Netflix for Christmas?

So, today must be my day for mediocre films: I sat through Mr. & Mrs. Smith (very overrated) and The Brother's Grimm (which was just OK). With Mr. & Mrs., I was about 30 minutes into it and knew I wasn't going to enjoy it. But I also had nothing better to do, so I just left it in and tried to zone out for a while. There was too much blowing up of things to accomplish that, so I spent the time cursing my sister (who said this movie was worth watching) and wondering who the movie was supposed to appeal to. I did not come up with any answers.

As for the Brother's Grimm, it was the odd accents that turned me off. here I love a good accent -- but the key there is GOOD. These accents? Odd. And inconsistent. British-y one second, lapsed the next. The French are speaking in Italian and German accents, and I'm not entirely sure if it's part of the joke or not. There's this one little girl (who disappears in a very unappealing and disgusting way), and her accent is indecipherable....The story was interesting, but I just couldn't really get into it.
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But earlier in the week, I lucked out. Taking a chance, I sent for Mad Hot Ballroom: it's a documentary about ballroom dancing in the New York public schools. Stop rolling your eyes... it was fabulous! My first thought was how great a program this was - dancing is a skill, an art, a sport; the kids learned so much more than the basic steps. It's certainly a program that should be studied, copied in other cities. My second though was how embarrassed these kids are going to be 15 years from now - I cringe at the thought of my own home movies from then - I can't imagine an actual audience of other people being able to view them.

But that did get me thinking about the girls in this movie - who were not just spectacular dancers (actually all the kids wound up really rocking), but also just balls of fire in all areas of their lives. It made me think - What happens to girls as they get older? The 10-12 year-old girls here were exactly how I remember being at that age: confident, full of spunk, full of energy and attitude. I remember being sure that what I said was not only right, but that it was important, that it mattered (even when other people didn't necessarily agree ;) ). It was in my attitude, the way I moved, the way I spent my time. These girls were all like that -- they said what they thought, they danced how they wanted, they spoke up in class, they gossiped and gave their opinions even when nobody asked.

I can remember being that way at that age, remember the attitude and how well it fit me, but what I can't remember is when it stopped, when I just started keeping things to myself, keeping quiet, watching instead of joining (or leading). And so many of the other girls in my class were like that too - fiesty - but somewhere along the line, we all changed. {I don't know if it's the same for boys (I'm not still friends with any of the boys I knew in 5th grade, so I can't say if they've changed or not)}

On one hand, it made me kind of sad: To think that those girls might grow out of their certainty, that they might never feel that sure of themselves, that strong and powerful again. To think about how strong and powerful I used to feel, and to wonder where it went.

On the other hand, there are parts of being 11 that I would never go back to -- specifically the parts were I'd have to be 13, 15, and 17 again. To have to go through all the uncertainty & awkwardness that followed. And being less sure that I was always right did enable me listen to other people, to see that they had important things to say too. And that's not something I would give up. There's a strength that comes from facing challenges that I didn't have then either -- at 11 the worst thing that had happened to me was that my best friend was planning on moving away. I've certainly faced a lot more than that in the 15 years since.
There's got to be a way to get back some of what I've lost, without giving up what I've learned (earned, even). I suppose that's kind of the point, right?

And that was w-a-y philosophical for a quick movie review.

So, to finish up... Wow, I miss dancing!

This movie has a beat, and a heart. My hips have been swiveling ever since -- it's contagious.

Anybody else seen these? Got an explaination for Mr. & Mrs. or an idea of what those accents were supposed to be? Are you sigining yourself up for some ballroom lessons or rolling your eyes at me cause I would if I could?

I'd love to hear from you - let me know.

Rest, relaxation, peace? That'd be nice.

NTE took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and a..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I know, I know, these things are like horoscopes - they keep them general so that they can apply to almost anyone's situation. But two things in this test just hit the nail on the head for me:

NTE's Existing Situation
Active, but feels that insufficient progress or reward is being made for the effort exerted.


NTE's Desired Objective
Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and affectionate understanding. Feels she has been treated with a lack of consideration and is upset and agitated as a result. Regards her situation as intolerable as long as her requirements are not complied with.


The "urgently in need of" part especially. I feel like I haven't had more than a minute's peace in almost 12 years. That's a long time.
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In other news:

I have to send my laptop off to be fixed either the end of this week or next week, which means no posts for however long it takes them to get it back to me. It also means I won't be able to read any posts, which seems a sort of torture. I don't understand it either -

I only started reading blogs last summer. Before that we had dial-up. I had an 8-yr-old computer that froze every time I opened more than one program. I thought all blogs were filled with political rantings (and usually of the wrong sort).

But now?

Now I need to check them whenever I get online. Now, I get mad when there are no new posts highlighted on my blogline account. (Even though I just checked them 2 hours ago: it's been two hours! Why didn't someone have something to say since then?). Now, I can spend 20 minutes wading through 96 comments that all echo or outshine the "what a great post!" entry I had planned, only not to comment in fear of being to repetitive. Now, I click through an entire blogroll, in the hopes of a spectacular new find. Now, I lurk at more than 50 blogs.

(BTW, I've seen on a couple of blogs already that it's National De-Lurking Week. I'm pretty sure someone just made this up and people started passing it along, but that won't stop me from mentioning it here, in the hopes that there are some lurkers who'd like to make themselves known.)

So being without my computer is not appealing to me. I've plenty of other things that need to get accomplished (my to-do list never seems to shrink), but I'm still putting it off as long as I can. (Besides, I have to figure out if I'm supposed to erase things before I send it or what. They weren't very specific over there.)

But I've still got the rest of this week, at least.

So I should be back.... in case you wanted to delurk: I promise not to miss it.

Embarrassing Way to Almost Kill Yourself #149

Bend over with the toothbrush in your mouth
Bang the end of the toothbrush on the edge of the sink
Jam almost the entire length of the toothbrush down your throat
Choke for 10 straight minutes, all the while thinking of the way this will be written up in your obituary.

"Young woman chokes to death on toothbrush."

Oh yeah, my parents would be proud.

A better mood (ish)

See, I promised to try and cheer up, and I (sort-of) have. At least I'm faking it better, anyways. ;)

So I'm doing my internet wandering today, and here's what I think you should know:

First, due to some happy news in my family (My first niece is expected to arrive this spring!!), I've been playing around looking at baby names. The best site I've found so far is the Babynamer on Oxygen. It's a great site - searchable, organized by different topics, & thorough. My favorite detail? They include the drawbacks of a given name - the horrible nicknames that go along with the names you're looking at. (I never would have thought of Cora Snora on by own, for example, but now it's definitely out)
BUT.... I'm wondering who would decide to name their baby based on this category :

People Who Have Tuberculosis ? I mean does that sound reasonable to anybody?


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Also got a couple of Flickr pictures that I thought were just amazing:


Reflection


A perfect moment

Brrr

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And, courtesy of David Letterman (and DevilDucky), the best Bush moments caught on tape.... sadly, this we're only a little more than halfway through with him.

DUH!

That's what I've got for you so far, people. Enjoy!

Nothing is going well today

My doctor (my favorite specialist) called and the insurance people don't want to pay for my treatments (not that they were doing too much, but they were working preventatively). Plus my primary care doc does not want to be my primary care doc anymore and I can't find someone who knows enough about my particular situations to be any help (or who takes my insurance). I hate having to start over with new docs: they always want to re-run all the tests I've already had six times.

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I don't know how to use the stupid DVD-RW in my laptop and I have to back up all my data b/c my laptop keeps freezing and I have to send it to the repair people before the warranty expires next month. I love my laptop: It was my first major purchase on my own, and I did sooo much research... and now it's freezing... this does not instill confidence in my decision making skills, internet people. I use it most everyday, and I don't know how long it will be away with the fix-it up chappies, so am semi-depressed that I will be laptop-less for however long.

But that's only if I can figure out how to back up my files, because I have scanned every stinking picture in our house into this thing, and I am not doing it all over again... I don't care if it freezes every 10 seconds...

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The annoying people upstairs keep vacuuming the same exact spot... right over my head. (She's very OCD about that stupid vacuum.) This is the fourth time (the first was at 6:30 this morning) and I know she's the only one home up there, so unless she's refilling the salt shakers over the hallway rug, there is absolutely no need for this.

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Also, I know there is a way to change the colors of my blogger text, but I can't remember it, so this post will look very boring.

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Two of my sisters have the day off today and are spending it bickering over which one of them gets to wield the remote control - rather than actually accomplishing anything or helping out around here.

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I am just having a mood, internet. It is not a good mood either. And I think a large part of it is that I went to bed hearing that 12 of the 13 minors trapped were alive and found out this morning that the opposite is true. It is too sad to imagine, and the reason that I know better than to watch the news. I just can't block myself off from tragedies the way everyone else seems to be able to. It just sort of seeps into me, and now I'm sad.

And grumpy.

(As if that last part needed clarifying after this lovely post.)

I shall try to recover a bit of cheery (or at least less mope) before my next post.

Hope your day is better than...

A couple of books to keep an eye out for

People - how do I love the PostSecret site? I cannot explain my fascination (I also, apparently, cannot spell fascination). But I'm very excited that there's a book: Collection of Secrets.


The next offerings in some of my current favorite series should be out the beginning of the year:

Memory In Death A bit more of Eve's past is revealed... I'm already on the library hold list for this speed read.

A New Cynster Novel (I almost can't imagine how there could be more, but I still enjoy them so I won't complain) came out recently: Truth about Love

It's not my favorite series, but I've really been enjoying the Francesca Cahill mysteries. Next up for her is Deadly Kisses

And since I love the Stephanie Plum books and Metro Girl (another Christmas gift - Thanks Mum!) by Janet Evanovich, I'll be checking out Motor Mouth
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Even the Publishers Weekly review of Stephen King's next book is gripping:

What if a pulse sent out through cell phones turned every person using one of them into a zombie-like killing machine? That's what happens on page six of King's latest, a glib, technophobic but compelling look at the end of civilization—or at what may turn into a new, extreme, telepathically enforced fascism.

So I'll be looking out for Cell as well.
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Random other reads on my list:


The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult


With a title like this, who could resist?
You're Wearing That?


The Monk Downstairs by Tim Farrington

Goddess of The Rose by P.C. Cast


Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping by Judith Levine

Dr. Golem - How to think about Medicine by Harry M. Collins

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I'm sure there'll be more, but I can see there's plenty to anticipate.